Round Trip...

Ann Jonas has a children's picture book called Round Trip, which is a graphic treat. You read it all the way through, a trip to some place, during the day, and then you flip the book over and it's the ride home, at night.

I sometimes feel like my walk is like that. Even though I only go out for 15-30-60 minutes, and my route is out and back on the same sidewalks, the landscape hits me differently whether I'm going out or coming back.

I have discovered more spiderwebs and today saw three bikers--one was a man who just was toodling around for fun--the other two were "serious" in their uniforms and helmets. I also attempted to take photos of some spider webs--but I think I need to go earlier in the morning or on foggy wet mornings to get the full effect. (The sun does not bode well for catching the thin webs.)

I am just grooving on my digi camera--instant gratification!! Although my camera is not good at nature close-ups: zooming in on spiders or white fuzzy caterpillars, I feel like just taking the pictures is a rough art form--and it forces me to pay attention, which is drawing me closer to God, as I am awestruck by His creation. I am grateful for the park--I am such a city girl and am so grateful to return to my residential street after spending time out, looking at spiders and such, but I am enjoying my nature walks more and more, and my eyes are becoming keener to details.

Maybe I'll post some of my rough pictures...I wonder if Blackbird is going to reinstate Show and Tell anytime soon?

******************

Oh, and I saw Little Miss Sunshine--Do not stop go, do not collect your $200, GO SEE IT! It puts the FUN back in dysfunctional. I laughed, I almost cried, it was better than Cats (but don't tell Sis!!)

Woo hoo, Winter is coming!!

Remember how my "profile" was Sarah Hughes last winter for the Olympics? I am not as good as her, but I adore skating. If you're in Pittsburgh, please join me! Oh, and you have to tell them you listen to WORD to get the discount.

9/23/2006
7:30 PM Sep. 23
101.5 WORD·FM Night at Bethel Park Blade Runners

Join 101.5 WORD·FM's Kenny Woods for a family skate night at Blade Runners Ice Complex in Bethel Park, 7:30 - 9:30 pm. WORD·FM listeners can skate to your favorite Christian music for just $5 per person (includes skate rental); there'll be fun, prizes (no purchase necessary) and more. For an additional $5, try out the bumper cars on ice! Call for more information: 412-833-8500.

Embrace the grey...

Or, as we Americans spell it, gray.

I’m in love. No, not that. I’m still figuring out how to separate my public life from my blog—even with a pseudonym, a lot of yins know who I am…

I have discovered something: I like foggy mornings. I even like driving in the fog (it forces me to pay attention.) I have chosen (YES) to live in Pittsburgh for over ten years. When I tell people I like winter, they look at me like I’m nuts. When I tell them I get depressed in the summer, they don’t get it. Yinzers know there’s a term for what we get this time of year in these parts: Pittsburgh gray. I love it. I do.

This morning I looked out and yes, it was gray. I bounced out for my walk and couldn’t wait to check the chain link fences along the Forestry Office to check for spider webs. Yes, I am in love with spider webs. And on foggy mornings like this one, they are like crystal necklaces left behind by some aristocratic lady. My brain catches over thoughts of Guy de Maupassant’s story about the necklace and I think, these are the real treasures. Men created necklaces and chandeliers because they studied spider webs. I don’t dare yet to bring my camera out there—I know I would be disappointed by the results. And after a week of dry mornings, I needed the surprise of dew studded necklaces on the chain link fence, on the trees, on…I must have seen ten sunburst style (I need to get a book to learn the terminology) and four or five partials. I even saw one spider. I blew, I touched the edge of the web, he didn’t budge. Do spiders sleep?

Now, I don’t know how I’d react if I found one inside, so don’t think I’m getting all brave. But outside, in my Father’s world, I love them.

I’m training for something: I couldn’t wait to get back here to write about this, so I ran part of the way home. It’s a trick I learned while training for my trek over the Teton mountains: run, walk. Run, walk. So my mind is training for more writing, and my body is training for…I really want to get a bike.

Yes. Me, the girl who never learned how in second grade—how I remember that failed lesson with my mom. She allowed it. (I still see that day as a picture in my mind--one of the few clear memories I have from that year.) And while the lowlands of Bonn, Germany are perfect for biking, where we moved in third grade, Tegucigalpa, Honduras is hilly like the slopes of Sou’ Side. (um, I'll have to take some pictures--Google images wasn't real helpful...) I learned briefly in high school, but like most people with high school French, it didn’t stick. So every time I get on a bike, I have to re-learn all the tricks.

I live in Pittsburgh. I can’t change my oil on my street because of the slope. But I have found some flat land, and today I watched the bikers glide past me in the other direction, talking as they rode about getting hotels in Germany and Seville.

That’s where writing takes you, my friends. It takes you from a color, gray, to a natural phenomenon, spider webs, to a childhood dream: I wanted to live in New York and be a ballerina and not own a car but bike everywhere.

Well, Pittsburgh will have to do until I have a chunk of change, I think I’d rather learn swing (but not until I have a partner—I do NOT like dancing with strange men), and I’ve not had a car for a good chunk of my adult life. I know what it is to take the bus to the grocery store and come home in the rain, walking five blocks with plastic bags, thinking I will never forget that it has gotten this bad.

I do not feel safe walking in certain parts of my neighborhood, but a bike gives you a little speed. Stay tuned…

I remember biking in Austria—I’ll tell yins about that later.

My collage, in its first stage

It took too long to replace this, but here it is. (to no avail could I find the post where I explained the first installment of my "window above the sink." I'll keep looking...) (Here it is.)

I had to just put it up. It will grow, but I needed it up, my "window above the sink." I wanted it to be what the old one was, which I made ten years ago, but I am a different person, so the old rules don't apply.

This is from the foreword to Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg: the foreword is by Judith Guest, writer of Ordinary People. If you haven't read that book, run, do not walk, to your local book procurement (bookstore, library, sister) outlet.

"I had written a first novel and it had achieved phenomonel success. I had stumbled upon the secret path and uncovered the rules and been rewarded with much praise. Unfortunately, all of this was proving to be of little use to me in the writing of the next novel. I was having a terrible time of it. How could I have forgotten everything so quickly? For six painful years I struggled until I figured out the rules for Ordinary People simply didn't apply to the next situation. It was natural and understandable that I was having difficulty. I was writing a different novel; I was exploring a new path.

It is easy to lose sight of the fact that writers do not write to impart knowledge to others; rather, they write to inform themselves."

Go and do likewise!

Now what?

The writing class I was going to start next Monday, the one that I was going to use to prep me for applying to the MFA in writing at Carlow, got cancelled. I can get a full refund...maybe I'll see about an online class...

Oh fudge!

Feel your boobies (seen on a tshirt promoting breast health)

PJ just posted about mammograms and I've never had one, but I had just received an email from a friend about (well, you read it.)

Hi~Maybe you used to respond to this site, but got away from it. Well, it's time to get back. Please tell ten friends to tell ten today! The Breast Cancer site is having trouble getting enough people to click on their site daily to meet their quota of donating at least one free mammogram a day to an underprivileged woman. It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram" for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram in exchange for advertising. Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know.

http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/

AGAIN , PLEASE TELL 10 FRIENDS TO TELL 10 TODAY

Please do this. Thanks.

Hmmm...fun with Blogthings...

You Are 25 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Well, they didn't ask me what year I was born...I also should be a filmwriter, an actor, and live on the East side. My inner European is French, and I should be a Pisces (I'm a Sagittarius...).

You Communicate With Your Ears

You love conversations, both as a listener and a talker.What people say is important to you, and you're often most affected by words, not actions.You love to hear compliments from others. And when you're upset, you often talk to yourself.Music is very important to you. It's difficult to find you without your iPod.

How Do You Communicate?

(Except that I don't own an ipod.)

What a friend we have in Jesus...

I ache. I know I often am a wide open book on this blog and sometimes I think too much so.

So today I'll be mysterious, enigmatic...ha!

I am a woman who loves her friends, and right now I have at least three friends with broken or breaking hearts. And it breaks my heart. Why must we all at one time have boring jobs, or bosses we fear, or general and specific people in our lives that break our hearts into shreds?

On my walk, I just walked and cried and sang. It was all I could do. Somehow I must have thought the walk would magically make everything all better.

It didn't.

So I sat in the car for a bit, as I am listening to Adriana Trigiani’s book, Milk Glass Moon. It's the third book (there should be a name for the third book in a trilogy) in the Big Stone Gap trilogy. I just finished listening to the second book, Big Cherry Holler. (Is it still called a sequel if it's the second book in a trilogy?) I am re-reading the first book, Big Stone Gap. Ave Maria, the protagonist, is wonderful. I read Big Stone Gap years ago, when I was reading all the chick lit I could muster as I was thinking to start a web-bookstore featuring Chick Lit. Re-reading it now, as I flutter the calendar pages til my 35th birthday, my heart is pierced. Ave Maria, in the first book, at 35 has defined herself as the town spinster. Then someone familiar comes around the corner and sweeps her away.

So the first book is: frozen heart, wakes up to love. The second book: married now, frozen heart, wakes up to love. The third book: you guessed it. Why do we have to keep learning that lesson over and over again? I guess I'll be learning it until the day I die.


Happy Valentine's Day, everybody. May someone break your frozen heart today, too.

It's too late, baby...

(Carole King)

Um, this made me howl hysterically. Well, at least chuckle. Someone has written a wiki-How article on "How to dissuade yourself from becoming a Blogger." It's priceless, it really is. But it's too late. I'm hooked on writing my words and self-publishing them on the Web for free.

How did I find this gem? My gmail homepage! It is very cool. Every time I hook up to the 'net at home, I get all sorts of quotes and fun things including the temperature in Pittsburgh!

Yes, with brilliant verbiage like "very" and "cool" and "temperature in Pittsburgh" you too could start your own blog!

a rainy afternoon, looking at pictures of Poland...

My namesake, Sara Louise Bradshaw, of Jacob Have I loved, describes spring: "Every spring a waterman starts out with brand clean crap pots...That's the way I started out that spring. Shiny as a new crab pot, all set to capture the world." ( p. 202)

That's how I see September. You know, bouquets of sharpened pencils...I don't think it's a mistake that the Jewish calendar puts New Year's at this time of year.

******************

But today was rainy, buckets, and all I had was my slicker. I have once again lost my pink umbrella in my tiny garret. My slicker is yellow, like my momma's, and I got it at the LLBean outlet in March. This morning I had the Bellefield Women's Bible Study Breakfast, which was over around noon. I had a doctor's appt at 1:30. My doctor's office was around the corner, so after I ate lunch, I hung out in the University of Pittsburgh bookstore. I spent most of the time sitting on the floor, poring through travel books for Poland, well, Warsaw, specifically. I had forgotten the names of streets and I had the best fun looking at maps, reading about the history, the sights, the city that for me is Paris on the Vistula.

(Background: when I graduated high school, my parents moved to Warsaw, Poland for three years. They just happened to be the most exciting three years you could pick: 1989-1992, when communism fell and the economy went private. Lucky duck for my dad that he was the head of Economics Dept. at the US Embassy--he worked 24/7 those three years. I visited them seven times: every summer and every Christmas. Um, and if you clicked on the Warsaw link: they've come a long way, baby, in fifteen years.)

When I was in college, my roommate Andi made a point to get to know the Eastern Shore of Maryland where we were situated. She knew the locals (and dated more than one townie) and drove her red pick-up from Chestertown to Rock Hall to Delaware, where there was no sales tax. "Wouldn't it be great," she'd say, "To be able to say, I lived here for a little bit but I got to know it, really know it." I thought of her saying that, yesterday when as I walked on paths I'd not yet walked in the Highland Park. I know that park like the back of my hand--I've been walking it for a good eight years or so. But there are still surprises.

So for me, I want to get to know Pittsburgh, and the East End particularly, like the back of my hand. I don't care if I never get to Paris, but I want to roam the streets of Warsaw again, walking the places I've walked before, and discovering new paths in the parks. I want to see the peacocks at Wazenki Park and hear Chopin played on a pianon outside on a Sunday afternoon in front of a huge sculpture of the Polish composer. The first Andy Warhol exhibit I saw was one that traveled to the National Museum. I remember shoes and shoes and shoes and Marilyn Monroe and Elizabeth Taylor...

I recently found a letter from an old college friend. He and I were in a summer school program in Vienna, Austria. In the letter he was responding to, I'd written, "and I only want to be in Warsaw, riding the trams late at night." He wrote "I've never been there but I hear you sister loud and distant." He goes on to reminisce about times we spent at Upper Belvidere, a palace near where we lived for three short weeks in Vienna.

Not to paint a rosy picture of my past: my summers in Poland while I was in college were long and boring. The library at the Embassy was abyssmal. TV was in Polish. Mail from the US took weeks. This was before email.

I didn't really speak the language,
I held some currency,
and I saw angels in the architecture. (with apologies to Paul Simon)

Where were you?

Five years ago, at 7:57, I was sleeping. It was a Tuesday morning and I had decided to skip Women's Bible Study. I had a school project to finish, my first big project of library school. It was a survey of the journals in the school's collection. So I awoke to the radio telling me something about a plane crashing into the World Trade Center. It didn't make sense to anyone, but eventually I caught on that this was too weird to stay in bed listening to the radio. I got up and turned on the TV. After being transfixed by what I was watching for a few minutes, I knocked on Sally's door. She was still asleep, so I let myself in (yes, at that time we all kept our doors unlocked.) I shook her gently and told her what was going on. She told me on our road trip last week that she will never forget me doing that. We turned on the TV and must have eaten breakfast. I honestly don't remember much of the details. What I remember is that downtown Pittsburgh was evacuated because there was news of a plane heading for Pennsylvania. Well, there are a lot of tall buildings in Pittsburgh. So we watched on TV, all the people going home. Everyone was given permission to do so. School was cancelled because there is one very tall building in Oakland, where the University of Pittsburgh has its main campus.

I remember reading in a book about how when John F. Kennedy died, people couldn't get through by phone for three days because everybody else was on the phone.

I knew someone who worked in a building near the Pentagon. I couldn't get through to her. I couldn't get through to my parents.

So Sally and I sat, with her son, A, and watched TV.

Later in the day, I walked down to the newspaper vending box and bought the afternoon edition, the first time in my memory that there had been such a thing.

I don't have any more personal stories. I don't know anyone who died. I have since met people while traveling that were meant to be there on that Tuesday and for whatever reason changed their plans.

I couldn't listen to Christmas music that year.

***************

The image at the top of this post is of a wonderful children's book that won the prestigious Caldecott award for illustration. It's called The Man Who Walked Between the Towers
by Mordicai Gerstein. I've seen the videorecording of the book done by Weston Woods and it is phenomenal. It is the story of a daring man who tightroped between the Twin Towers soon after it was built.

Jessamyn put together a great list of links re: 9-ll. They are here.

Moondance...

My momma taught me this one. Tonight, driving home after dinner out with Lily (twice in one week--I am digging on this girl time!), the moon was huge and yellow as I drove towards it on the way home. I cut the radio and sang,

"I see the moon and the moon sees me, the moon sees somebody that I want to see.
God bless the moon and God bless me, and God bless the somebody that I want to see."

Babs and I were at Tazza earlier this week and I was telling her about a dream I'd had two nights before, so I started this rhyme:

Not last night, but the night before, twenty-four robbers came knockin' at my door. As I ran out, they ran in, hit me on the head with a rollin' pin.

Which of course, reminds me of this one:

Cinderella, dressed in yella, went upstairs to kiss a fella.
Made a mistake - kissed a snake!
How may doctors did it take?1,2,3,4, ...

It's cool outside, what they call "good sleeping weather" here in da 'Burgh. I think I'll cut the a/c and open the window...

International Literacy Day--Read!

A little righteous indignation that until 20 minutes ago, I didn't know that today is International Literacy Day.

International Literacy Day is sponsored by UNESCO, which is the Education, Scientific, and Cultural Organization of the United Nations.

Their theme this year is "Literacy Sustains Development." You can download a pdf color poster in English here (the poster is also available in Spanish and French). It shows a young girl doing homework in a very humble room.

My favorite book on literacy is The Day of Ahmed's Secret by Florence Parry. It really captures the glee a child has when they have decoded what those letters mean. Here is a Google Book Search page highlighting Parry's book.

I just asked a collegue if she knew today was International Literacy Day and she said, "No, but we should have had a cake or something!" Ah, next year!

Go read something!

I cannot sleep - great joy is as restless as great sorrow.

(Fanny Burney)

Restless, yes, I'm restless.

Good news--the depression has broken through chemically--which means that yesterday I had an extra zing! of energy and thus was awake until 3 AM. Doing what? Not dishes, or cleaning...

Today's German lesson: aufräumen, "to straighten (room)"

No, instead I googled everyone I knew (including yours truly) and I played umpteem games of free cell and a few games of Bookworm. I also listened to the soundtrack to Wedding Bell Blues, which movie I have seem to have misplaced in my apartment, so I spent a good half hour ransacking the piles of my wreckage and then consoling myself that I can get a factory sealed copy cheap on Amazon.com. I printed the Amazon pages--I'm not ready to admit defeat, but WHERE IS IT?

So we took down the Zoloft a notch. Today I was exhausted, so I used that comp. time and left work two hours early.

I'm at the beginning and at the end of things: in a week I'll be back at Tuesday morning Women's Bible Study, doing Beth Moore's study on the Patriarchs, which means homework every night. The following week, I start a writing class on "The Novel" to prepare for applying to the MFA program at Carlow College University. My goal is to start said program in June. Ack!

So right now I'm in between: not reading anything cataclysmic, not really making progress on stuff around the apartment. I started reading a fluff teen romance on Tuesday and finished it today at dinner.

But I have been thinking about a lot of things, and I've made a few decisions:

• The surgery I've been making a fuss about: is ELECTIVE. And I don't want to elect to take it this fall, just as I'm coming off the depression. Day Two this cycle wasn't as bad as usual, so I want to watch this and do more research.
• The decision to move forward about the MFA--this is huge.

The rest, I guess, aren't really decisions, but there is a lot to think about: how much I love my neighborhood, my job, and more than my job, my place of work. How I see things changing philosophically, per se, but I sure want to be in this particular geography for a long time.

Today was the funeral mass for Mayor O'Connor. I made a "date" with Mini, the little Italian lady that lives across the street. I knew I wanted to watch it, I knew she'd be watching it, and I figured, why not watch it together? I made her day, and she made mine. It was a beautiful mass, and they played two of my favorite Catholic songs, "On Eagle's Wings" and I've already forgotten the title of the other one. But it was neat to be sitting in Mini's living room as we mumbled along with the celebrants and congregants gathered at St. Paul's Cathedral. How cool, too, that the mayor's son was one of the officiating priests? He gave the homily.

*************

Just got off the phone with Em. She and I are in similar places--there's stuff going on that's too big to talk about so we're just talking philosophy. I wonder at her--she seems to be so strong in her faith and then she surprises me with her fears, the ones she won't name. And all of a sudden I'm the strong one. (Although, I'll admit I'm quaking in my shoes.) My early morning walks are what keep me grounded. They are right now perhaps the only thing that keeps me sane. This website has been an inspiration: I print out the prayers and take them with me on my walks.

I'm laying a few fields fallow, I guess, as I prepare for a rigorous autumn schedule. So yes, I'm restless, waiting, for what I know not...

My favorite thing about this time of year...

Morning glories. They are just beautiful. Enjoy!

On the road again...(some lists, for Blackbird)

What we saw, traveling West to East, East to West:

• Flags at half staff for the death of Mayor Bob O'Connor. O'Connor worked for the Gov'ner for two years before he was mayor, so the Gov'nr decreed half staff flags 'til his funeral on Thursday.
• Huge yard sales. I mean, my yard isn't even that big. We didn't stop. (I think my mother would sense I had bought something and fall over.)
• Gas at $2.64, which is the price Sally paid. Tonight, after work in Pittsburgh, I paid $2.67.
• For the first hour: fog and fog and more, yes, fog.
• The Drink Milk farm, which reminded Sally of a guy she used to have a crush on, who is now happily married (as is she). We shared so many stories (what else do you do for 10 hours in the car??)

What we talked about:

• Children, and how nice to not have them along on our GIRL TIME outing. They're maybe thinking about a girl if they try again. I talked about how I'm not sure I want to get pregnant--not sure I'd want to be off my meds for 9 mos and the chance of passing the bipolar on to my children...I would be totally fine with adopting, I think (and as a woman, I have the total ability to change my opinion at will!)
• Husbands (well, hers--how marriage isn't easy, and she's changing and that's changing their marriage.)
• Memories. Sally and I have been friends since 1994. There are so many memories...
• Friendship, and how it is this beautiful fragile thing. We agreed that each other was so less high maintenance than when we were likethis ten years ago, selling Mary Kay.
• God. Which is something important to the very heart of us but not something we've discussed for a long time (it's not the sort of thing you talk about when one of you has children a foot on one end of the phone call.)

We pretty much talked non-stop, except for the obligatory rest stops along the turnpike. It is so good to have a friend. I am so incredibly blessed in all of my friends, and yesterday was just gravy. Icing on the cake. It was girl time, and I needed it so badly.

Today: Sally II (who lives near my library) stopped by: she had gotten me a "Happy September gift," which was a homemade card and two t-shirts good for a Children's librarian: one has the pink panther on it and the other has one fish two fish red fish blue fish...I'll post pictures soon.

Here's a memory: in February 2001, I was so excited to be visiting Pittsburgh for the baby shower. I was leaving Friday after work. Friday, at work, I get a call from my dad: Charlie just called, they had the baby. (Yes, early, a premie.) I was so bummed! No shower? (Working retail, I have been to maybe one baby shower and two wedding showers my entire girl lifetime.) But it was very cool to visit Sally at the hospital and hold Zack in the neo-natal unit. I got to see him when he was two days old!! I drive by "his hospital" sometimes on the way to work.

G'nite!

"You make me feel so young:" adultness, one in an occasional series

I have a big birthday coming up. It's time to come clean on how old I'm gonna be...

Sally is an inspiration to me. Truly. A month ago, when I was getting ready to take time off of work, and be smart about it--one pay period, then vacation, then back to work, she cheered me on. She said it was a mark of an adult to know what you needed and ask for it. And wouldn't you know, I was able to hold my word to my employer and just take one pay period and a week of vacation. It is so empowering to know that I was able to say, I need this, and follow through.

Yesterday, we road-tripped to Eastern PA, just us girls, to wish her grandma a happy 89th. We spent five hours each way in the car for a four hour visit. After lunch, I was exhausted, and asked the hostess, Candy, if I could excuse myself and take a nap. Sally was so thrilled that I was able to know what I needed and ask for it. This being a grown-up, and having your friends notice, it feels amazing!

Being an adult is also doing the yucky thing you don't want to do when it has to be done. (Like paying bills, doing dishes, laundry...)

Yeah.

Working on that.

But what I really want to say is...um, I'm going to be 35 in November, and up until last week, I was really scared to admit that to the world at large, as I often hang with a much younger crowd. Most of the folks I hang with at the Open Door were born in the 80s!! And I love them. And I don't think of them as a "them" but as my peers, who happen to be chronologically-differently abled. (That was a joke...) Sometimes I have more in common with twentysomethings than I do with men and women my age, because as a single woman, I haven't marked a lot of the milestones that many thirtysomethings have marked: a marriage, children, divorce. (That last one is unfortunate, but a reality.)

And I may seem younger or more youthful, so I can get away with it, or whatever, but I've come to a place where I have to be 35. I want to shout it from the rooftops, wear it like a badge of honor--hey world, I made it!! (We can wait til November, though...)

I guess I've been scared because 35 for so long has been like the old maid cut off. You know, there was that whole Newsweek study twenty years ago:

"According to the research, a woman who remained single at 30 had only a 20 percent chance of ever marrying. By 35, the probability dropped to 5 percent. In the story's most infamous line, NEWSWEEK reported that a 40-year-old single woman was "more likely to be killed by a terrorist" than to ever marry." (Marriage by the Numbers, Newsweek online article.) Recently, they retracted that quote, said it was a bad choice of words and irresponsible reporting. Women ARE marrying later.

There are actual books at my library called "How to get married after 35."

Yesterday at Sally's grandma's 89th birthday, her grandma asked me, "Do you have a family?"
I was totally blindsighted, didn't realize she was tactfully asking me if I was married with children, and I said, I have a brother and sister. She said, oh where do they live? It was easier to just say Virginia, even tho the young one is moving to Austin as we speak. And what brought you to Pittsburgh? School.

Later in the car, Sally brought this up and I bust out laughing--I had no clue at the moment the question was being asked what the subtext was. She said, I heard Grandma ask you that out of the corner of my ear and I waited to see what you would say.

I've had actual conversations with guys, discussing the age thing, and them being surprised that I was that old, and me thinking, egad, could we have avoided that discussion? Because I'm meeting mainly younger guys and you know, the trend in May/December, the GUY is older. For a while, if I made reference to the early nineties, when I was going dancing at clubs in Pittsburgh, Pete would say, oh, yeah, when I was 13 or so and I'd snap back, I know how old you are.

But this week especially, I've come to a place where I need to be 35 in November. All the crap I've been through couldn't fit in someone in a younger package. It's been predicted that I will marry younger, and personally, I would be fine with that. I have met men that are 26 that are more mature than men I know that are 37.

So, let it rip! Sarah Louise will be 35 in November, and God willing, I'm throwing a big party. I wish I could pay for plane tickets from Australia for some of yins to come...

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. (1 Timothy 4:12, NIV)

It doesn't matter if you are a Greek or a Jew, or if you are circumcised or not. You may even be a barbarian or a Scythian, and you may be a slave or a free person. Yet Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us. (Colossians 3:11, CEV)

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. (Proverbs 31:30-31, NIV)

May these words be true in my life as I move and breathe in my life.

Time to get ready for work...y'know, like a grown-up.

Professional Reading...or "Sarah Louise is having too much fun reading her American Libraries emails"

Happy Labor Day Weekend--a panoply of links from the library world! if the text seems out of order, its b/c I just switched the not so geeky librarian stuff to the END of the post. Please read far enough to see the item from the Onion...

What babies love about books: "Open. Shut. Open. Shut. Openshut." What preschoolers love about books: "They can be propped open on the floor to be like a tunnel for a toy car...or a tent for a doll." What Kindergarten and beyond-ers love about books: "If you read every single book in a series you'll feel really cool." And of course, we in the industry love it when an article says go to your library!! (Parenting Magazine article.)

Google is offering pdfs of some of its Google Book Search items, ones that are in public domain. "Starting today, readers can find new, and free, downloadable versions of some of the world's greatest books on Google Book Search (http://books.google.com/)." Dante, Goethe, Hugo are some of the available authors. (Google Press Release.) (Note: while discovering new blogs via Walt Crawford, learning that a lot of library bloggers don't think this is the cat's meow.)

And you can also get public domain audio books for free if you have the right software!! A New York Times article talks about LibriVox, a program where volunteers submit readings of public domain books. As an audio book lover that still hasn't jumped on the MP3/ipod bandwagon, this may be what I've been waiting for...

An amazing article in the Decatur, IL Herald & Review talks about a librarian who received a note in her hotel room from a member of the cleaning staff. This particular librarian had a "treasure trove" of books from the vendor's tables in the exhibit halls.

"But on one evening, she returned to the room to find a note on the coffeepot:
'Are you selling books? If so, I'd like to buy some. Please call me at home. This is not my regular floor.'
So Popit called and the following morning, a woman in her early 20s came, saying, 'I cannot tell you how scared I was to write that note. I don't have any books any more. I used to read all the time.'
'At this point,' said Popit, 'I was in tears.'
Popit not only gave the woman some books but wrote a note to go with them saying the books hadn't been stolen."

WOW! I think if we are learning anything from Katrina, it is how much people want to be able to read and congregate around books. Kudos to any and all who have helped in the post-Katrina restoration projects.

An Onion article on the Dewey Committee flummoxed at how to categorize the new Jim Belushi book..."Real Men Don’t Apologize. "With all due respect to the author, we remain unsure how to categorize this particular work," said committee chair Leslie Buncombe, who, despite repeated readings, still wasn’t sure if Real Men was "an actual book." "What is it? Autobiography? Self-help? We can’t even tell if it’s fiction or nonfiction." Here's a post from the Dewey Blog on the subject.

If you're in the library world at all, you've heard the phrase "Library 2.0." You may not know what it is (it's, um, yeah.) This link is the funniest thing I have seen in a very long time. Warning: you may get addicted to the "Library 2.0 Idea Generator." Oh, it is precious. It is laugh out loud, if you are a library geek like me. (Hey, if non-librarians find it funny, tell me in the comment box!!)

A scary article about how searches are being cached...you might not want to do a personal search on say "sarah louise" and right after start researching your novel on bank robberies. (e.week.com article.)

Pop-psychology on browsers: what your browser says about you: a blog post from Terminally Incoherent.

Those Charlotte-Mecklenburg librarians are learning about Library 2.0 and winning prizes! You can learn along with them but not win prizes...

To justify writing this at work (yes, Eileen has inspired me to virtue) I'm going to write about library stuff. I get emails from the ALA every week on Weds or Thurs, called "American Libraries." They are the bomb. I love them so much. Since I was out for 3 weeks, I had 3 to catch up on!! Also, every day or so I get LIS News.

So today, I learned about technolust (like your director goes to a conference and comes back saying "we must get the newest xy or z" even though it doesn't really match your demographic, it's just KEWL.) So instead, you should have a technoplan. (Library Journal article)

I found a list of "quality web resources providing free full-text article content" (say that five times fast--I'll wait.) (Multimedia and Internet at Schools article.)

Then I found the motherlode: the Judges Report for the Children's Book Council of Australia, 2006. I wonder if any of these books are available in the US...It was a pdf, and I deleted the AL email it was in, I'll try to look up a link...found it! But, it is 21 pages long. If you just want a list of the books, go here. There is a link for a printer friendly pdf if you want something to carry to the library...

The juiciest, though, is Walt Crawford's Cites and Insights. This guy writes a 30 page PDF every month. I used to get it via email but I couldn't keep up. Now I rely on the good folks at ALA to let me know when there's a good one: this one is perspectives on library blogs. Mmmmm...Again, it's a pdf, so I'll hunt up the link. (Note: I've finished reading the report and am discovering some new blogs--stay posted!) This post is being written over two days: and I got a new AL email today!!

And finally, a romantic find: a story about an old Harlequin, called Hospital Librarian, on the Canadian Health Libraries Association website. T-shirts of the cover image are available...

On finding things...

I woke up in the middle of the night, played some free cell, drew a bath (which dripped into my neighbor downstairs' bathroom--the landlord has tried to fix this a million and one times it seems...) and watched Disc One of Season One of Friends. That very first episode (Rachel coming into Central Perk, dripping wet in her wedding gown) is my favorite, but the great thing about the DVD is that the shows are uncut--so you get stuff you've never seen on TV. I still haven't figured out how to do anything on my DVD player besides play discs--at some point I'd like to be able to access the special features, but I think I have to program the remote.

Yesterday I bought three papers: the Sunday Post-Gazette, and the Saturday Post-Gazette and Tribune-Review. When something happens (like 9/11, or the death of a mayor) I like to read all about it. I haven't read them yet, but in a bit I'll go to Tazza for my tomato sandwich and I'll take something with me to read...I have less than 75 pages left in East of Eden.

I had a notebook (or rather, still have it) that is based on the Sue Bender book Plain and Simple. I couldn't find it. But a few weeks ago, it surfaced, and this morning I read through it. Inside I found the 24 year old me--wow, ten years! and lots of annotations since then.

I also found this poem, which I wrote on July 7, 1996. Yeah, that was a crazy summer, ten years ago.

Trial Size

Trial size?
Who are they kidding?
No 3 oz. bottle is going to get me
through the next "and it came to pass."

************

My baby brother is moving to Austin this week. I don't often think of him as my "baby brother" but this move has got me all confused--he's moving, and it's not for college, it's not to any place the Louise family has ever been...he's all growed up! (But not quite...) Traveling mercies, m'dear!

************

A mini-mystery: the website "I heart Pittsburgh" which has been a source of local information since I read about the Beleza coffeehouse on the North Side, has been swallowed by the web. If you click on it (under "local shoes," on the sidebar) you get some random advertising thing with a message that the domain name has expired.

So, one thing found, one thing lost.

...picked up a paper, it was more bad news...

(Jewel)

At 8:55 pm, Bob O'Connor, Pittsburgh's mayor, breathed his last. (Post Gazette article)

I've never seen a Wikipedia article that had "This article documents a current event. Information may change rapidly as the event progresses." It already shows that he's been succeeded by Luke Ravenstahl, who is City Council President, and at 26, the youngest mayor of Pittsburgh. There will be a swearing in at 10:30 pm.

The only TV channel I barely get that is following the story is KDKA, and it is snowy and staticy. Oh to have cable at a time like this...

Okay, it's 10pm and the Channel 53 news is on.

It was his dream to be the mayor of Pittsburgh.

*************

In other news, Abaté, my favorite gasthaus, has closed its doors after 23 years.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled life....

THE CELL PHONE IS HERE!!!
W
O
O

H
O
O
!

The only snag is that it is a 703 area code (Virginia) and I live in Pittsburgh, but for two more years on the family plan at ~$17, I'll take it.

A circle is round....(some thoughts on friendship)

Make new friends, but keep the old,
one is silver but the other's gold.

A circle is round, it has no end,
that's how long I want to be your friend. (Traditional song)

It's almost September, and in Pittsburgh as in most of the lower 48 and I imagine Canada as well, it is time for school to start. I'm not in school right now, but the industry in which I work (librarianship) is pretty hard-wired to the scholastic schedule.

I've been thinking about friendship a lot lately, and how one's life is cyclic in this manner--you make new friends, keep the old, or not...I enjoy meeting new people, and I always attempt to make room in my life for them. I imagine, now, as I contemplate on it, that a lot of it has to do with my dad, in two arenas: one, his job meant that we moved every three years or so when I was a child, and two, for my dad, a stranger is just a friend he hasn't met yet.

For instance, Sunday, we went to Bellefield for morning church, as my dad would be driving down to Virginia after lunch. While my dad was using the loo, I chatted with Than, who works at Bellefield but attends the Open Door. My dad came 'round the corner, and I introduced the two men, saying, "Than is from Kansas." My father was in grad school for two years there. Well, wouldn't you know (I didn't!) that they both had lived in Manhattan (though at least 35 years apart in time.) They exchanged stories and Than looked a lot perkier after talking to my dad than he had while talking to me.

These two men may never meet again, but they might, and that is the magic my father has about building bridges.

Last night I had dinner with Lilly. We hadn't done that for a while, and about midday, frustrated with the state of things (working on CD-ROMs this week) I emailed her, saying, short notice, but wanna meet for dinner? She did!! AND, she was staying in Carrick at her brother's, watching the dawgs (greyhounds) so I had ample excuse to suggest my favorite Homestead gasthaus, Pizzeria Uno.

It never ceases to amaze me how wonderful it is to have dinner with an old friend. Lilly is about, mmm, maybe ten years older, and she's divorced, three grown kids, she's been through the bipolar bit (though she miraculously now gets by without meds!)--she is the friend equivalent to a comfortable old shoe that keeps getting more beautiful (and newer?) each time you wear it (I'm clearly not sure where I'm going with that metaphor...) Anyways, she's pretty much been through everything I've been through and more. So she understands the process of my life more than any other one of my friends. We've had our spats and cold wars but we've made it through. I will be eternally grateful, and I don't say that lightly--her relationship with Christ is one to emulate.

I often read books on the recommendation of a friend, and so I'm almost half-way through East of Eden. The first 30 pages had me mad, as there were only caricature female characters, but then I met Olive, if only for a few more pages, so all was right. But man, this is Steinbeck at dark. Cold-blooded? You ain't met them until you met...well, I won't give it away. Pat is also reading it, and Carlos is waiting patiently (actually not) while we finish, as it is his favorite book and he wants to talk with us about it. So I may get to have a book club meeting of sorts--GLEE! Carlos is living my dream--he's already doing the MFA (Master in Fine Arts) in Writing at Pitt. Meeting him at the OD whilst prepping for the Saturday Farmer's Market nudged me forward in thinking about the Carlow program. More on that later.

Today or tomorrow or yesterday (pick the second day of school) marks the 17th anniversary of a friendship that right now is in an extended cold war. I met Sara at a friend's birthday party in late August but we didn't click until we were in the same Chemistry class my junior year of high school and she came in with glee, "My sister just had a baby!" Our friendship grew over the first semester and soon we were inseperable. We had a list of things that we had in common, not the least being our names--she was Susan and I was Susie. (Yes, that was a slip of my "real" name--it would work with Sarah and Sara, but I wanted to slip for a minute.) (Child's adamant voice: I meant to do it that way!) Besides, I've found that now at least three folks have me linked using my real first name to this blog and that's okay... it would be too fussy to complain to those folks that my blog is being written by Sarah Louise.

Over the years, Sara and I stayed in touch long distance, over the phone, and through ShoeBox cards. We'd see each other every three years or so once I finished college. I moved to Pittsburgh, she moved to Front Royal, and then Rhode Island, and finally where she is now, near Boston. She got married, had two gorgeous kids, ovarian cancer, and went back to school. I stayed single, had a suicidal boyfriend and a trail of bad news boys after that, bipolar disorder, and the same apartment for eleven years. I'd call her and be able to tell her things I couldn't say to any other friend because we knew each other so well and for so long. More often than not, it was my nickle, but she didn't really have the nickles to be calling long distance, so I didn't mind, because it was joy to talk to her.

Then I went to visit her this past March. We were both excited, our first face to face in six years. I hadn't met her daughter, and well, it was just going to be fun. Then I had an exhausting time at the conference in Boston, was the most homesick I'd been in ages, and basically mental health-wise had the whiniest most unstable week in years the following week, whilst visiting my best friend from high school. Um, not a real good situation. I won't go into all the details, as it's water under the bridge and unfair to both of us to regurgitate and review those angsty days. A few good things: We went to see Failure to Launch, I decorated the cutest little purse with buttons and I got to see another friend from high school, actually the one at whose birthday I first met Sara. I should send her a birthday card...

Anyways, to make a long story short, when I was prepping for the stuffed animal sleepover, I wanted to try out Walgreen's online photo operation--you email them your digi pix and it's some cheap price like 19 cents a print in one hour. I wanted to have a dry run so that I knew the process worked. So, which digi pix did I want to print? Well, I did have the pix that Sara took when I gave her daughter the EasyBake Oven. So I sent those in. Well, I had to have them done at the Penn Hills Walgreen's, as the East Lib Walgreen's photo operation was down for the moment when I was doing my dry run. PH is about 13 minutes away, but I didn't know where it was, and I wasn't exactly thrilled to send the pix to Sara, not knowing if she'd respond, if I wanted her to. But I knew it was the right thing to do. So Tuesday, I had the morning to myself before doc visits and then my first day back at work, so I Yahoo! mapped the trek to the PH Walgreen's. I picked up the pix and went to the card dept to find a card. I found a nice Maya Angelou card that I liked the front of. (The inside was only for friends with valid passports.) So I figured, I'd cut the front off and mail it with the pix. But I couldn't resist looking at the ShoeBox display. Sara would always send me the Maxine cards. I probably have most of them, tucked in a drawer in my closet.

I bought two ShoeBox cards: (front) "I'm lucky to have a friend like you." (inside) "All my other friends are normal." and (front) A good friend will know how you take your coffee. (inside) A great friend will add booze.

I don't know why I bought them.

I drove to the Edgewood library, borrowed a pair of scissors, cut the front off the Maya Angelou card, wrote a quick note, padded the pictures with an insert from the copy of People I couldn't resist (Exclusive interview with Jennifer Anniston: I'm not engaged!) and addressed the envelope. I mailed it at the post office on the way home.

I'm still grieving. Right now I'm very possessive of my other friends, worrying if I haven't heard from them in the past day or so, and checking my email obsessively. Part of it is returning to work, but a lot of it is because I'm still grieving this not quite a death. Part of it is letting go of a crush I had for over a year and having to see that person occasionally at church and actually have conversation (agony!). Part of it is letting go of other friendships--and realizing "let's do lunch" doesn't always mean the words, it's just something to say to fill the air. Part of it is the reality of turning 35 in November.

She was my gold. So it's time to take a look at some of the silver's and promote them to gold. After all, isn't that what happens in September? The green leaves turn gold as the autumn air moves through.

I wrote this in college about a guy who was a friend for a semester my freshman year:

Your Friendship Hand

We walked through the fallen falling leaves, brown and wet,
decaying, smelling up our noses
with that autumnal perfume
that is uncommon in the city.
And we stumbled down a hill
You offered your friendship hand
So I would not fall.

Update: Whew!

So I decided it's time to get that MFA in Writing. Egad. Which means I need writing samples and people to write recommends. So, two birds with one stone, I just signed up for a writing class starting Sept 18. The teacher is a woman I worked with at Fox Books, lo, eons ago. I took a class in January with her.

Also: the lacroscopic surgery is scheduled: Oct 4.

I'll need to take a week off work. Here are a few posts if you are new here: sonogram, why.

Nothing like coming back to work on your first day back, and saying, guess what, I need a week off!

Plus, the telephone tag on that could easily add up to a full day of back and forth (as they called 2x while I was on vackay).

My mother may come to stay while I recover, which has got the fire under me to clean this garret, and SOON!

But now, I must flip a load of laundry and off to work, DAY TWO. Thank you all for your encouraging words. You're golden.

Happy Valentine's Day

When I was in kindergarden, I thought saying Happy Valentine's Day was like Have a good day and so for weeks into March, as my dad left for work, I'd say, Happy Valentine's Day. Now it's a tender joke between us. I don't feel like being real right now, so I'll be giddy and wish yins a Happy Valentine's Day!!

Your Candy Heart Says "Hug Me"

A total sweetheart, you always have a lot of love to give out. Your heart is open to where ever love takes you! Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a surprise romantic evening that you've planned out Your flirting style: lots of listening and talking What turns you off: fighting and conflict Why you're hot: you're fearless about falling in love

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

The book that Meme

1. A book that changed your life. Dicey's Song by Cynthia Voigt. Dicey's perserverence tugged on me, and I became a Voigt convert until she started the Bad Girls books, which are, in my opinion, the not good kind of Bad.
2. A book you've read more than once. Besides Dicey's Song, Persuasion, Eat Cake, About a Boy, White Orchids...I tend to read fast and often forget or miss details, so rereading I often find things I missed the first time. Oh, how can I forget: Girls Poker Night.
3. A book you'd want on a deserted island. Robinson Crusoe, Swiss Family Robinson, a guide to building boats, and an atlas.
4. A book that made you giddy. Sisterchicks do the Hula. It's very funny and the type of book I want to write.
5. A book that you wish had been written. Honeymoon.
6. A book that wracked you with sobs. Searching for Caleb. I don't remember much now, but when I read it, I remember I was crying 20 pages before I got to the end and to the end.
7. A book you wish had never been written. The Bad Girls books by C.Voigt (see above).
8. A book you are currently reading. East of Eden by John Steinbeck which thus far has no redeeming female characters.
9. A book you've been meaning to read. White Teeth, now that LC has recommended it, (no one told me it was funny either) and Vickie loved it...

Maybe I'll link this up tomorrow. Right now, it's bedtime for Bonzo (and Sarah Louise).

Catch ya on the flip side...

Sarah Louise returns to her garret, with glee!

How I love vacation. My favorite part: coming home!

Haven't unpacked tho--after spending 7 days of being a daughter and sister, my apartment seemed altogether lonely. So I emailed and called and got no one!! (Well, I did talk briefly with Sis.)

So, in an effort to further procrastinate packing, I'll give a brief up to date:

• I had two messages about my sonogram on the phone machine. Hmm, methinks they found something??
• My WBCs are great, so I don't have to change meds.
• The wedding (Em and Jim) is either Nov 4 or 11. I'm pulling for 11, as I won't have to switch up my scheduled children's Saturday shift.
• I did a major part of the driving (and some of it in pea soup fog) from Hamlin, PA to Pittsburgh, PA.
• I'll do that book blog thing-y soon.
• I have pictures, which I'll post.
• I am back in "it's time to get the MFA in Writing" mode. It's a limited residency thing at Carlow, 6 days in January, 6 days in June, so I could keep working!!

Am I actually tired enough to hit the sack? I slept A LOT on vackay. One night I even went to bed at 8!

More later, my dear Internets. I am so glad to be HOME!

Tidbit from my talking in my sleep last night (yes, I do this all the time, but only hear about it when I share a room with someone, as I did all week with Sis.): "But I go to church Sunday nights" (apparently, someone wanted me somewhere else Sunday evening...)

Tomorrow I'll go to church twice--in the morning with Dad, who is in a motel in Harmar and will come by 8:30ish so we can go to Tazza for Sunday brunch b4 church.

Buh-bye!!

Eight things (tagged by Carolyn)

This is called posting on the road--stuff that's been waiting to be posted. I'm in a one room library in Hamlin, PA while my dad is at the grocery store.

1. I have a signature laugh. People recognize me by it. It embarrasses my family but my friends love it.
2. I love movies. I love them in the theatre. The summer it came out, I saw Twister over 10 times in the theatre and that's a low guesstimate.
3. I always watch the credits. I stay until the lights come up. I'm fascinated by details like the names of the people who do stuff: gaffer, Best Boy; I like knowing where it was filmed on location; I like knowing what songs are in the soundtrack.
4. I love soundtracks. Two favorites from this decade: Drive Me Crazy and Sliding Doors. I lost my copy of the soundtrack to Brokedown Palace. Two movies that didn't release soundtracks that I would have purchased: Wedding Bell Blues and Picture Perfect.
5. I generally like both the movie and the book. I am fiercely loyal on this topic.
6. I only buy pink Kleenex.
7. I have three pairs of pink sneakers.
8. I own at least three copies of Jane Austen's novel last novel, Persuasion.

testing 123

well, i just tried to post an old post, but blogger was being finicky. Let's see if this will post.

A road map always tells you everything except how to refold it.

(Anon?)

Thoughts about maps and roads:

I hate road maps. The foldy kind at least. I like the books, in large print, with a spiral. Currently, though, I don't own a Pittsburgh one. So the other day I drove until I got to a fork and then followed the convertible, and voila! I knew where I was. Oh, it was deevine.

But my favorite map right now is a map of the world. I click on my site meter to see where people are that read my blog. Oh, it is so much fun. I've had visits from Austria, Australia, Phillipines, and even Pittsburgh. (Oh, that was me.)

I've even had at least one visitor from Poland!

When I was in college, the church I went to had a map of the world on the wall and little red push pins where missionaries lived. It had the name-places in the language of that country. So Warsaw was Warszawa and Cologne was Köln and so on. I visited the map faithfully, fingering Warszawa and then picking out other places I'd been. It was comforting. I couldn't see my family, but at least I could see where they were on the world map.

Rule of driving in Pittsburgh: if you want to know where to go, follow any stream of two or more cars. In a traffic jam, follow any one car that is going away from the jam. They know a shortcut. (I've found at least two of my favorite 'cuts this way.)

My dad is fond of saying, "Have you got your Kit Carson Trailblazing Kit?"

I'm off to ze Poconos--I'll be back in a week (sooner if I can wrangle the laptop from my dad...) Read my archives. I think they're great...

Aufstehen

(German for "Getting up.")

It hit me with a wall of bricks this morning. It=crippling depression. I don't want to go on my walk, I don't want to eat breakfast, I don't want to do anything that has "today" marked on it. Stay on the sofa and watch "About a Boy"? Okay...

So, let's rewind. Yesterday I had to leave our lunch date early (Sally and I were having so much fun window shopping) to drive like a NASCAR driver to get to the dentist. (They were able to fit me in at 2:30.) To discover I had a cavity. Not a big one, but he filled it there and then, so for the rest of the day, half my face was numb.

I stopped in at ye olde Library and picked up a hold item and picked out some other items (of course. One was The Girls, (not the one Babs just read) which I started a few years ago, didn't have the time to finish. I also picked up two by Erica Jong, books I've been meaning to read: Fear of Flying and How to Save Your Own Life. The piece de resistance, though, is a 20 CD set of Eugene Peterson's The Message//Remix.

And I don't have enough milk in the house for breakfast.

And today I have to pack.

And Dad doesn't have the cell phones yet--I have to be there for the process so we'll do it on vacation??

And today is the all important blood test to see if my WBCs are up--if not, we may have to change my meds (two months of bumpy emotions--yum.)

Today is also the second pelvic sonogram. Which means I have to drink lots of water and "hold it" for 2 1/2 hours before the sonogram.

Yesterday I watched the season finale of Sex and the City. Ah, the romance.

Today I also will attempt to wrap the housekeeping--which may involve emptying the contents of my kitchen cupboards if I still have bugs.

Our mayor is not doing well in his brain lymphoma. But he is using postage for the thank you cards he's sending.

They may have found the person who killed Jon Benet Ramsey.

When you're depressed, it IS every little thing.

So what am I to do? I am driving to McD's for a breakfast something and then off to give some blood for the betterment of me.

All shall be well, by and by. And watching "About a Boy"? I think that is an excellent idea, just what Herr Doctor ordered.

Chuss!

Maybe I'll "link this up" later. Right now, my stomach is shouting and if she won't listen to reason, at least she'll listen to that! Please send hugs.

Here I raise my Ebenezer

This is my Ebenezer. It's a cross I built over the course of weeks and months of praying as I walked the Seminary grounds. That particular prayer has been answered with an undeniable NO and I am gleeful, laughing, as I think of how far I've come, how I wonder what might be next.

This is from a post I wrote in July.

One morning this week, upon waking, I started humming “Here I raise my Ebenezer” which is the second verse of “Come Thou Fount…” Last night at the Sharp Edge, Babs and I were discussing what posts we had on the back burner. I said, a shoe post, of course (here’s hers), and the up to three meme from Bookhart. And a paragraph so far on this old hymn, “Come thou Fount.” Oh, she says, I have that Easter one in my head right now, the one that goes “A-hhh-le-luia.” So then we both try to hum, “Come thou Fount” and fail miserably. I finally get it going. Yes, so get the mental image of two tired librarians, with our Yuenglings, hungry as ever, humming hymns at the Sharp Edge.I like the idea of an Ebenezer, a rock that one places because “God has helped us.” In the Old Testament, the Patriarchs (Abraham and his dudes) were forever placing rocks and calling a place “Beth-el” or “Ebenezer” or what have you, after God did some amazing thing. It was a visible reminder to them, and I guess to anyone who stopped by. I guess the modern equivalent would be memorials—like the Vietnam Memorial, or the Civil Rights Memorial which my dad visited after he was done conventioneering with the Presbyterians in Birmingham last week. Except that those all seem to be memorials to deaths or cataclysmic events. I’m just rambling here…

Who are you and where have you put Sarah Louise?

(Babs, when I told her I was doing laundry out the wazoo and slogging through a book I didn't care for.)

Well, the Energizer bunny has left the building. I'm tired and I'm going to bed. Two more DVDs of Season Six, Part Two--one for Thursday, one for Friday.

Today, in between episodes, I cleaned and weeded my work email. UGH. It takes at least 5 minutes to connect to the server and the spam is unbelievable. There. is. so. much. of. it.

I went briefly to a friend's for her Bible Study--one I'd been a part of, ages ago. It was small tonight, but I didn't stay long.

I'm learning to be patient with myself--which if you haven't tried it, is VERY HARD.

So I'll win a few games of Free Cell and off to bed! Tomorrow is another day.

(In which I have to go see the dentist as my teeth are acting all sensitive--I wouldn't worry except, I'll be on vackay next week....in the woods.)

Meeting Jesus in your emails...

Isn't that a great title?

My Yahoo! toolbar told me I had 4 new messages. Yay! I thought. No--they were one from the library, one from my Daily Page-A-Day calendar, and one from an online newsletter I've been too lazy to unsubscribe from, and one from Christianity Today Connection, titled "What (Not All) Women Want" which I thought--didn't I read this article somewhere? I had, indeed (last week on the CT website. But I didn't know the writer was from (think real fast, my favorite foreign country) Poland. I hadn't noticed that her name was Agnieszka.

Well, okay, so it's not a personal email, but I'll browse through her (convieniently linked) other articles. I read one on buying or not buying a cashmere sweater, and then pounced (yes, pounced) on this one, about one of my favorite writers, Ann Lamott. It's called, "Jesusy Ann Lamott: chatting with a born again paradox." READ IT!

I gotta go--the day is full, and yes, this afternoon will likely be another Season Six marathon as I try to ship shape this apartment in prep for vacation.

This morning I cried in prayer. God is really getting to me these days, and it is Good.

Other things that can happen every 30 or so minutes:

I have just watched 3 more episodes of Sex and the City (Season 6, Pt. 1). I have also updated my bank accounts, transferred money, paid two delinquent bills, and gotten a late fee waived.

Meanwhile, Carrie has been dumped by a Post-it note, Charlotte got engaged (again), and Samantha is someone's girlfriend (sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g).

I think I will call this "girl week." I think next year I'm doing it without the 20% pay cut for medical leave. Today, Eileen and I went to Qdoba (we have to stop eating beans and rice--neither of us could finish, we were so full!) and then Goodwill. Tomorrow Alyssa and I are picnicking in the Park, and Thursday, Sally and I are celebrating her birthday a day early by window shopping the shops and galleries on Ellesworth Street. I still have not made it to the pool, though. Friday?

After lunch, I drove to the North Hills to get blood drawn and made an instant friend when I confided to my phlebo-whatever they're called, the lab techs that take your blood, that I was Bipolar II. "So am I," she whispered. So we exchanged stories. And for the record, she was the nicest, sanest person I dealt with all afternoon at that hospital.

On the way home, I Get-Go'd my gas tank (32 cents off per gallon!!) and got milk. Then, there was, what? Italian Ice at the tennis courts? Am I hallucinating? (Our Italian Ice guy died in March.) I almost drove by, but got over that fast and parked. I got a picture and got two watermelon ices, one for me and one for Babs, who has been painting the back porch. It wasn't the best ice we'd had, but it was cold, and we are so glad that there is Italian Ice in Highland Park once more!! It was a classic case of "it's the thought that counts."

Babs continued painting and we continued talking until I remembered that I had purchased milk and it was probably sweating away in the car. So I went home and did all that stuff. I still have about three loads of laundry, but I might have to switch gears and do dishes, since laundry can wait but you don't want to leave for a week with dirty dishes. (Unless you have Carolyn's mom.)

Sigh.

But it's only Tuesday, and I am making headway. Go me!

There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it's going to be a butterfly.

(Buckminster Fuller)

Happy Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary, to all my Catholic readers!

Was just over at BTS, which is my first bloggy stop, every day of the week, and re-read Gina's "It's Raining Men" post. Comments were wonky last night, so I couldn't comment, but overnight, I seem to have become Chatty Cathy again in the Comments department. Here's a snippet of what I wrote:

Going through a similar sort of metamorphosis--it's kind of like coming out of the cocoon and discovering you're a monarch and you have to figure out what Mexico is and how the heck to get there.

It occurred to me, as I was writing this, that the book, the Hungry Caterpillar, spends so little time on the fact that he ends up a butterfly. Which is fine--I am not criticizing this CLASSIC, only going, huh! The sequel, then, perhaps, if the butterfly is a monarch (which I don't think s/he is, but play along here, with me) is Gotta Go! Gotta Go! which, funnily enough, is not a potty training book but a book about a monarch who discovers she has to go to Mexico. It is the cutest little book ever. From the book: "I don't know much, but I know what I know. I gotta go! I gotta go! I gotta go to Mexico!"

I saw a monarch yesterday. I watched it on a butterfly bush outside the Shaler library. Oh I have such an affinity for them. Other butterflies are okay, understand, but I adore monarchs.

beep** your time is up **beep

Stay tuned...

The Family Plan and roaming, aimlessly (the writing, I mean)

So it's that time of year: the family vackay! Plus the cell phone fiasco, my brother is still on crutches, and my mom fell on 55th St while attending a cousin's baptism in NYC. Bro and Mom have doctor appts in the near future. I still don't know how I'm getting to the cottage (am I going to Virginia and then the cottage, am I taking a bus to Eastern PA and getting met?)

Oy.

Life might be simpler if I drove long distances well by myself, or if I got my own cell phone plan, instead of staying on the Family Plan. (Two hours and I gotta stop for a long time. I don't want my own cell phone plan yet!!)

But life, I've discovered, is rarely simple.

So sometimes you have a conversation with your father that is more like a business meeting and you feel like you have to get all your points in there, such as:

Please can we go to The Restaurant in Hawley for their anniv, which falls on the Wednesday of vackay?
Can Sis and I take trips into town? (I am NOT a woods and lake person--I need sidewalks and shops) (I shudder to think that I may be sans Internet for a week...)

I probably won't get a phone until I get back to the family pod, at whichever geographic locale that is. My phone will probably NOT have a Pittsburgh area code, but this should be temporary. It may have a MD/DC/VA area code as Cingular changes over their markets.

Did I mention that my dad wants me to get AAA tour books for Arkansas and Oklahoma? For Christmas, from me, he is getting his OWN Triple A membership.

And while the depression IS lifting, yay! I am discovering that sometimes you need to crawl before you run.

My therapist noted that the nosedive started on June 26. So if it's been almost 2 months of nosedive, I can't expect to correct altitude overnight (enough with the airplane analogies...)

Like yesterday: I had a wonderful morning with Emily at SHAG* (I love this acronym--South Hills Assemblies of God) and then lunch, as Jules (her man) had to go spend three hours (YES, three hours) putting on clown makeup and Emily figured having lunch with me and then a nap would be more interesting. I was doing GREAT. (Relatively.) But my energy lags: last night I couldn't sit in church and so amused myself on the porch for awhile, journaling as cars drove by on Stanton Ave.

*actually, the "of God" part is my addition -- I think if they go by acronyms -- which I don't think they do, they'd go by SHA, which is a little less funny.

I wanted to RUN and go home and be by myself, but I stuck it out.

If you're good, tomorrow I'll regale you with the story of the baptism performed by a Presbyterian Lay Minister, full immersion in the Allegheny River.

One foot in front. And another. Just one step. One more. Onward. Slowly, but surely.

And it feels so crappy to not be my commenting self--I (yes, me, the one that writes comment novels) feel silenced. And I feel like my posts are pretty bland too.

This.
too.
shall.
pass.

Gotta go!

Movie Reviews

Like the poor wayfaring stranger that they speak about in song
I'm just a weary pilgrim trying to find my own way home
Oh sweet Jesus if you're out there, keep me ever close to you
As I'm travelin', travelin', travelin', as I'm travelin' thru
(Dolly Parton, from the song Travelin' Through on the Transamerica soundtrack.)

Just finished watching Transamerica. Wow. We live in such a screwed up world, and I mean that in the best sense. I could only respect the characters for their courage. True guts in that movie, true guts. I don't know how to blog about it, though.

I mean, it makes you want to not trust people, because they'll screw you over, and then you want to trust, because there IS hope. I liked the Dolly Parton song at the end.

I know very little about the subject matter, which the story of a trans-gendered man pre-operation. Who discovers s/he has a son. Who...The plot has more twists than a rollercoaster. But what I do know is that the human spirit was brought through in that movie out of screwed-up-ness, big time.

Horse of a completely different color: You, Me, and Dupree. Was that movie ever hysterical! Emily and I laughed and laughed and laughed some more. It's the story of a newly married couple and the husband's best friend who moves in temporarily because he lost his job. Lance Armstrong does a cameo after the credits--which is why you should always stay for the credits (I'm talking directly to my sister on that one...she always makes a fuss when I stay for them.)

And I finished the fifth season of Sex and the City. Butterflies figured into the season finale. I like butterflies.

***********
Tomorrow, after my tomato and cheddar samwich at Tazza, I'll go to Fox Books until the Cingular store opens at eleven to get a replacement phone.

Today felt like an entire month packed into 24 short hours: discovering the phone loss, driving out to Homestead to look for the phone, talking with Emily about how well she's doing the friend thing even as she's engaged (they found rings today!), talking to my mom, playing tele-tag with everyone, going to a birthday party, going to a pre-Baptism party (I didn't stay long), watching Transamerica...I'm surprised I don't have whip lash. I saw people I haven't seen in months and it was good to see that they're doing well.

We are all just travelin' thru.

The kind of conversations our machines have...

Me to the machine in Virginia: Hi to the rodents, this is #1 calling. Talk talk talk. (I leave long windy messages often to those I love.)

Mom to the machine in Pittsburgh: Hi walls. Hi floor. Hi kitchen. Calling to say hello to the walls, hello to Sarah Louise, love you, Bye.

Still no phone, but I do have the last 4 of Dad's SSN, so I'm in business!

ISO: Cell phone!!

So, yesterday I was joking about my cell phone trying to get lost--and it did, for real. Em and I went to the movies, I remember turning it to vibrate, put it back in the pocket. Went to the theatre today--they are thorough and even log when they find items. I went back into the actual theatre to check for myself, nada!

You can see floor in my apartment, now, and I have still not found it.

And the phone is under my dad's name, so I can't do anything (replace, etc, without the last 4 of his SSN and that's not something I have memorized...)

UGH. So, off I go, to get ready for a special someone's birthday party, then a pre-baptism party, and MAYBE Bill Malonnee if I still have any brain cells left. Oh, and lunch might be a concept, in there somewhere.

Em: It's staying lost for a reason.
Me: Yeah, so you can finally see floor in my apartment.

We live in a fallen world, and it's very possible at this point that it is not in the right hands, but, hey, the silver lining is that I can see floor. And I found at least 10 errant hair bands while disassembling the sofa.

UGHHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhh.

Okay, let's see about lunch.

As bb would say, now it is time to drink.

Finding...

Well, still ISO the painting shorts (where could they be???), but I found a purse, in which I found LOTSA quarters and a book I thought I'd lent out, The Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life. Read it! It's so Ordinary and Wonderful. 4 out of 5 Bloggers agree.

Also ISO a CD I borrowed from the Penn Hills library, which I renewed, but they don't think so, and are emailing me that they'll charge me full price for replacement. I saw it a few days ago...

Almost lost: my cell phone while I was talking on my land line with Babs. Luckily, I saw it trying to creep into the lostness of the laundry basket next to the sofa that is full of...stuff.

About to lose: $8.75* for a movie--Loews at the Waterfront doesn't DO matinee pricing. BUT, Emily's free on a Friday, so devil may care...and we may go see Devil Wears Prada, which I've seen but she hasn't. Cars, unfortunately, doesn't play after 2pm. Emily won't even be in Pittsburgh until 4, and hello, I'll be painting. IF I can find the blasted painting shorts!! I am NOT sacrificing the shorts I just got Tues at Goodwill.

*Yes, I realize that we in da Burgh are not up to snuff with prices nationwide, but hey, a matinee here is six bucks. So sue me, I'm a cheap librarian!!

Anyways, I thought we all deserved a snappy post, since lately I've been a bit, well, nappy. I'm 2/3 the way through Season Five, though, and Season Six awaits me at the Edgewood Library. I'll swing by tomorrow morning.

I also have in my possession: Transamerica! Yes, yes, yes! I love my library (system).

Off to search for the shorts...

ISO=In search of, usually a man or a woman in the personals...

My car passed inspection!!!

That is all.

Oh, and don't wear a sleeveless dress if you intend to not wear sunscreen, whilst you eat and sit outside and then walk home during the sunburn hours (noon-three pm).

Sunkissed, but still, I got out the Noxema.

I promise more pix over the weekend. I took bunches today.

There are some days when no matter what I say it feels like I'm far away in another country and whoever is doing the translating

has had too much to drink.
(an artist whose name escapes me--he does folk art with sayings like this one on wooden people.)

So, post #3 for the day, although I guess this will post for Thursday since it's technically after midnight.

Did I mention that Emily's practically engaged? I am happy for her (unbelievably, I really am) but she's spending Saturday ring shopping and Monday looking at wedding dresses with her mom. She said she'd have time to do things with me while I was off work and I understand, but I miss her!

And this has just been one of those seasons. How I crave September when the routine returns and everyone's kids go back to school. Lunch dates! They are the savior of the single gal and hard to come by in the hot months if your friends also have kids. I SO RESPECT THAT. I do. I just miss them. And while you blog lovelies are so kind to encourage me, you mostly live too far away to do coffee or lunch.

Bridge over Troubled Water is playing right now--how I love Simon & Garfunkel. This has been the year when my "You've got a friend" friend said she didn't want to be one anymore. And I've had to make some choices, too. How that sucks.

Oh, update: for yins here in da Burgh: Bill Mallonee is playing at the UP on Saturday night. He's an amazing singer/songwriter. I've seen him twice.

And I have a certain birthday party to attend Saturday...

But here's something that is the coolest thing since sliced bread: it's a free wake-up call with music. I LOVE IT. A lot of the musicians/artists are local Pittsburgh folks, some of whom I even personally know. And they'll play a message at the end and the computer woman voice even sounds human. Try it, yule like it. Sorry, it's not international, yet. But I bet the website will still let you try out some of the music.

Allegheny Moon is playing now. It's our local version of Blue Moon, I guess. (The Allegheny is one of the three Pittsburgh rivers. The other two are the Ohio and the Mon.) Extra points if you can spell out the Mon. correctly!!

Okay, to bed. Up early to drop the car and then off to the library to fill out 80 pages of psych questionaires, then a visit to the psychiatrist.

All shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well.
(Dame Julian of Norwich)

No matter what!
(Madeleine L'Engle)

And this: from Anything Goes: Be like the Bluebird... (It's always the darkest before they turn on the lights...)

See how it see saws? I have a lot to look forward to, but I feel lonely RIGHT NOW. Ach. This too shall pass (and quicker if I get some sleep.)

Life imitates Sex in the City, or don't try this one at home!

So, when we last left our singleton in Pittsburgh, she was going to her car to check the insurance card effective date.

Lordy, Lordy.

So I couldn't go to Abaté looking like that...unwashed hair and khaki's and a tshirt...so I threw on my new to me Eileen Fisher linen sleeveless dress. It is long and I love it. It has a bit of stiffness, but otherwise very nice. (Although in the light of my bathroom I have discovered stains on the front--the lighting in the changing room hid them!!)

Anyways. So I take my hardcover of Eat Cake, get a table on the patio and order the Italian Club sandwich. It comes with fries. It was very good, and so was my waitress. She had just enough cheerfulness to suggest the dessert but not too much to be clingy like the one Lilly and I had Monday.

A genuine tourist is sitting across from me (Yes, whose idea was it to sit a single woman opposite a single man at adjoining tables?) and I was getting a vibe. He came over. He said, "I'm from Hong Kong and I am doing a survey. What do American women like to read?"

I couldn't have uttered the words "Judy Blume" to save my life at that moment. I pointed to the cover of Eat Cake and said this woman is very popular. He said, "How about Patricia Cornwell?" Yes, I agreed, and added Jennifer Cruisie (though I'm not sure I've read her, but I don't think he really would have cared...)

Saved by the bell, his linguini arrived. Do you come here often, he asked? Sometimes, I replied. Maybe next time I'll ask you about more books. Okey-dokey. Off he went to eat his noodles.

I finished my sandwich, had another iced tea while waiting for the check and without making any eye contact, almost forgetting my book, I hightailed it OUT OF THERE.

It was flattering, yes, but what a relief to be in my car, out on Freeport Road, playing the radio a little too loud. That tortellini with basil, the frozen Amy's? Sounds fabulous for tomorrow's dinner. Just fine, thank you.

Why didn't you tell me?

(Rachel, upon the discovery that she still loves Ross)

It's The One before The One where Ross says Rachel's name....today I actually saw a Friends episode I had never seen anymore. (It was the one where Monica and Chandler go to Las Vegas to invite Chandler's dad to their wedding.) I'm so excited! I didn't know there were episodes I hadn't seen. (Although that might have been the last one.)

And while I am so glad for all the mommies that are happy to be mommies, (and I really am--I'm not being cynical about that--I think it is SO COOL) I really don't want to write about my day. Um, would you want to write about a phone call you got at 6:30 pm from the researcher you spent the morning with? Asking, in her Scottish accent, I forgot to ask you: when did you start being depressed? (As in, what age?) And how many times have you been depressed, like more than 10, less than 20? Oh yeah, this is the kind of day I want to describe...

Except, I had lunch with Eileen. We talked about my favorite place, Poland. I think this will be a lasting friendship. We went to Taco Loco. And let me tell you, Mexican food is FILLING. I only had a burrito and I was SO FULL. I didn't even get flan, and I bet theirs is really good. I love flan.

I don't want to eat dinner at home, and I don't want to leave my apartment, because I have all 3 videos in the Complete Fifth Season of Sex and the City. (I've already watched two episodes.)

I found some stale pistachios the other day whilst cleaning my kitchen (I heard that laugh!) So I've been munching on them. This is the most pathetic post in the world.

Cleaned out the car, mostly. I only have eight or so magazines in the back seat, compared to the eight million that were there prior to 5pm today. Also, I found many dishes and forks and a few glasses...this cannot be my life.

The car goes for inspection tomorrow. Last night at K's birthday party people were complaining about how in PA you have to get it inspected every year. Well, I like that. I like that they have to prove that my car is safe enough to drive and not be a pollutant, etc. Don't be dissing my state! In Virginia, you have to pay a car tax. And it's like $3000 or something. So there.

So, it's 7:30. No more Friends -- I watched the 6pm and the 7pm. I could turn Sex and the City back on, but then I would have to eat the tortellini pesto in the freezer (oh don't get excited, it's just frozen Amy's). And of course, I ate OUT for lunch, so I should eat IN for dinner, and I don't really have a book I'm reading (except that yesterday for lunch I popped into Goodwill for a bit and picked up a copy of The Best Christmas Pageant ever...so I could read that.) And I have a ton of library books. Yes, an actual ton. There are 65 items out on my card at the moment. Yes, and it's just me! There are no books for other people on my card. Well, at least it's library books, not Manolo Blancos. At $400 a pop, I'd be right back in credit card hell.

Okay, so I'm...depressed. And I can't make up my mind. And I called a few folks that were not answering or napping...I just don't want to eat alone one more time.

Ugh. So, I'm off to Abaté. Tomorrow is another day, and I will be spending my morning answering questions like "Have you lost interest in things that you normally enjoy doing?" Don't become bipolar or depressed. Really. It's not a bowl of cherries.

Ah! But I am still in the midst of Eat Cake. The day has been saved. I think I'll take my registration down to the car when I go. Maybe it will be cool enough and I'll sit on the patio.

Because I KNOW I won't be able to do this forever.

Oh, and I'm switching the com mod off. It was an experiment. Done with that, now.

Summertime tips

From Aunt Flo: (men, avert your eyes) If you're wearing Therma-Care heating pads on your stomach, make sure there is a layer of clothing between you and the pad. Otherwise, the sweat gets on the pad and it's itchy and uncomfortable. 'Nuff said.

Okay, you can look again.

From Uncle Carl: If you are washing your car on a day when you need the a/c on, don't do the self service touchless (as in, you in the car with the a/c on, while the car is being washed.) Besides, if bird crap is the issue, the touchless type really isn't going to do the job. You need the foaming brush followed by high power rinse. If you pay with a credit card, don't put it on the passenger side seat, it might fall off and you might go ballistic thinking you lost it. Look in any and all crevices BEFORE you walk circles around the carwash five times looking like a lunatic. And if it wasn't in your wallet the first three times you looked... When you find the card, put it back in your wallet, not in your back pocket. While you're at it, put your library card back in your wallet as well.

From Aunt Penelope: If your intent to go to the North Hills is to return movies to Giant Eagle, do that first. Then go visit with your friend. (It saves gas, you know, if you don't have to keep retracing your steps.)

Aunt Hilda says: And don't spill my coffee! (Yes, it's an inside joke that unfortunately only I will get. But hey, it's my blog.)

A few housekeeping notes:
Comment moderation is on, but no word verifs! Also, lots more on the work shoes blog roll. Welcome all.