If you don't want what you want, then you're not going to get it.

(Madonna)

Went to the Sharp Edge after church. (Yes, you gotta love a church who considers a bar the best place to hang out afterwards.) At one end of the table, a guy was pouring his heart out to two other women about this girl he's not sure if he's interested in. "But what if I spend more time with her and she likes me but as I spend more time with her I become less interested? I don't want to hurt her."

I was not a part of this conversation but my advice would have been, "you'll never know until you try, and eventually if she's smart, she'll figure out when you're not into her."

You know, a date is a date. And it accomplishes something--you learn more about that person. And more, you learn how that person acts with you, something you will not get if you only spend time in group settings with that person--people tend to show different colors in the one on one situation. I think it's much kinder to go on a date and discover you have nothing in common and just don't go on more dates with that person!! than to "hang out" and create a false sense of security. It's cowardly, actually. Believe me, it hurts more.

And a lot women won't outright ask for a date. They may ask you to "hang out" but as far as a meal or a movie, they'll leave that to your department.

So, for all my male readers, (all three?) go for it. Just ask her out. Even if you have a disastrous first date and discover you have nothing in common, you will be able to move on. All this analyzing with your female friends will get you nowhere. Except that you'll order more beers.

I've been on a lot of first dates. And by the end of the evening, one or both of us realized there would probably not be a second one. Totally fine. If you want a second date, go for it. If not, move on. Believe me, you'll be happier in the end.