Sunday, November 05, 2006

Brothers and sisters I'm telling ya about a televangelist!

I dare you to read this. Cause there are some good funny sentences in there--I promise! And isn't part of NoBloMo (whatever it is...posting every day in the month of November) de-lurking??? I gotcha!

Oh my oh my. When I fall asleep with the television on, there is no accounting for my dreams! I dreamt about the Little Giant, which 24 ladders in one (or something like that). In my dream it was 8.99, but in reality it's 4 payments of 89.99. But in my dream, I was going to buy one for my Daddy for Christmas and I was trying to show it off to my Mom. Jimminy Christmas! Let's see--I had dreams of success on the stock market, and I swear, there was a soap opera on in the wee hours. Not like the OC--this was like Days of Our Lives or One Life to Live only it was on FOX! I rolled over. Did I turn the TV off? No, I rolled over. What got me started was MADtv, which I started watching back when I lived in Virginia--my sister would watch it. Last night, it was so funny--they used John Kerry as the running gag--it was funny. (Note that I stopped there, because I know some of you like him and you just go ahead.)

But oh my, did I wake up when the TV told me this was a paid religious program and not necessarily the views of the station or its staff. Cause I figured it was going to be...well, anyways. It was Kenneth Copeland. Who I've watched before and I couldn't remember if I liked him or not. But he was dealing with thoughts and how we have to bring them captive and we can supernaturally forget and as a writer I thought, hmm, do I want to forget EVERYTHING because then what will I write about? I mean, I do not want to be writing Christian romances that sell for 75 cents used at the library bookstore because they have no backbone! I have lived some stuff that would sell for full price at Barnes and Noble!

And somehow, I slept with my glasses on but at some point I took them off and so I was worrying about where are my glasses and wasn't paying attention to Brother Copeland...who was doing a rally. And was dressed in denim and his podium was like the front of a motorcycle. The entire stage was full up with motorcycles. And the man was reading from a text that seemed older than the King James. I mean, the thees and the thous were just coming out. I thought, doesn't he know there are modern translations?

But he was precious. He truly was. And I will not say that about very many televangelists, yo.

I mean, a guy who is wearing a denim jacket with no sleeves and the back says "Tribe of Judah" with a big yellow cross and then underneath "Jesus is LORD"-- and he says something and reaches down for his water bottle which has fallen over under his motorcycle podium and he says, "I'll drink to that!" and takes a swig of water. This was drama at its best, folks!

So he said a bunch of great stuff and then he said, "write this down, if you're taking notes." Like he understands that half the congregation (or whatever they were, the gathered) is like with their jaws down to their chins but maybe some geek has their pencil ready (that would be me). And he gives 3 points. I'll share them with you. Oh, and his main text was from 2 Corinthians 10:3-6.
  1. Our sin is Jesus' business. Which means if the Devil comes along reminding you of your sin, as much as he might try to sound like Jesus, it's not Jesus, because Jesus wouldn't do that. Your sin is not the Devil's business!
  2. Jesus is faithful and just (or righteous) 1 John 1:7-9. Basically here he was saying that Jesus forgave your sins, so he would be unrighteous to NOT forgive your sins if you confess and believe (not if you only confess but don't believe). He said, Jesus is not going to sin for the likes of little ol' you!
  3. Purge the memory. Begin to speak the Word.
Then he went into some story about how he was riding his motorcycle and a thought came by that he would be hit by a semi and and how then he started rehearsing it in his mind...and he came up with a gem:

"Don't sit there in that tone of voice like that ain't ever happened to you." Which is exactly what I thought last week when Beth Moore was sharing some stuff. I mean, I was with her, but everyone else at WBS was sitting there like they were ghosts and they had no idea WHAT she was talking about. Right.

Then I have some side notes: Psalm 103, Are you hearing me, what do your feelings have to do with anything? which he expanded to "Your feelings come from the same place as those thoughts!" (like the one with the semi braining him or his children.)

Then he talked about talking and walking around your house until you feel in your voice that you have some blessing or victory.

This man was CRAZY! But in a good way.

And then at the end, he was actually selling something. Not, if you give to our ministry we'll give you a DVD, but this is good stuff, you want it, it's $20. I was so impressed! Then you could buy this week's message for $4 on CD! And there was no nonsense about how our ministry needs your money. WOW!

So I have this little pink piece of paper, a mending slip if you'll know the truth (it's from the library and you tick off if there are torn pages, loose pages, a worn spine, etc.) that has these crazy notes. And I'm starved, so it's time to walk to Tazza. I have to go to work at 1 (which I hate, working on Sunday) but I have the morning at least, so I'm going to get my oil changed in my car, Hallelujah!

And my blogging self is thinking: if you keep writing stuff like this, you're never going to get any comments! So I dare you. (Watch I'll get some splogger trying to sell me something sunshine.) (Which really happened!!)

Oh, and the last thing Brotha Kenneth had to say was "VOTE! I'm not gonna tell you who to vote for, God will tell you that, but vote! Don't go staying home and wasting your seed." Yes, your vote is your seed. I'm telling you, this guy was precious!

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