Tuesday, November 27, 2007

feeling sorry for myself and other futile activities the day before I turn 36

btw, I'm sick of a coupla things:

my car and its nuisances: the defroster is connected to the heater. (Not to mention the driver's door not opening, etc.)

being the strong one

facing financial facts (loved the conversation with my mom yesterday, as she bluntly asked, how did you get back into debt again? You want the short answer or the long one? The short one: I have a problem with money. I like to spend it. The long one: she didn't want to hear it, and it's a lot of rationalizing, really.)

realizing I'm pretty frivolous

crying my eyes out.

But apparently I'm doing really well at keeping up appearances b/c everyone tells me I'm doing really well. (Well, and I am handling things well. But can I have less things to handle please?)

I think the lady downstairs is GONE. Without even goodbye. We weren't friends per se, but she was THERE. and now she's not. Sort of (but not entirely) reminds me of the first bit in the book About a Boy, which I can't find right now. (The mom breaks up with the current bloke and the boy is like, "but we peed together once, and you'd think you'd sort of stay in touch after that.")

Goodbye Ms. Second Floor, to whom I gave safety pins, rolls of toilet paper, exchanged quarters and stuff when you ran out of change for laundry. I didn't plant the tulip bulbs I bought from your daughter for her school fundraiser, but my mom took them home. I think we could have become buddies if either of us had had more time. Or maybe not. But anyways, I wish you the best. And not that this is the point, at all, but I liked having a black woman neighbor. I live a pretty lily white life, spending most of my time in the North Hills.

I guess the thing I like about the Bible (while we're being random) is that so many of the Psalms are crying my eyes out or really mad at my enemies.* And I know it's not the point that Job got double back what he had before, but there's some bit of comfort in that too.

*(this one is both!)

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