Tuesday, May 08, 2007

The Dark Side of Sarah Louise...

This weekend, I braved the masses and went to see the third Spiderman movie. In it, Peter Parker's Spiderman suit goes black and we are introduced to the "darker side of Spiderman."

Weeks ago, talking to a friend, she said she wasn't really interested in seeing the "darker side."

The movie in so many ways mirrored my life that it was hard to see it on the screen. Peter betrays MJ, MJ betrays Peter, Eddie betrays them both, the guy who killed Ben Parker comes back and Peter has a face to face with him, where Peter admits, "I've done a lot of bad things too."

This movie did not feature the fairy tale wedding on the hill that I guess I expected of the third Spiderman. I think there is easily room for a Spiderman IV.

Against good advice from therapists, friends, parents, again and again, I push the limits. I reach out to people with a barbed hand. I remember a book about borderline personalities that lived in the Self Help department when I worked at Fox Books. It was a red paperback called, "I hate you, don't leave me."

There's the bumper sticker we've all seen: "Hurt people hurt people."

Bumper sticker wisdom. Ah yes.

We come so close to reconciliation and then we can't help but say, "remember when you said such and such?" We can't help but take the knife in the back and twist it, just a little more. If I make you squirm, will you still like me?

I have no easy answers. What is it that Paul famously said, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." (Romans 7:15)

Clay feet. I have 'em. I am so NOT made of "sugar and spice and everything nice..."

And yet, there are a few folks who take all my crap and still love me. To those few, I say a big THANKS.


catsteevens said...

"...there are a few folks who take all my crap and still love me."

Don't you just LOVE those folks? I have people like that in my life and they always amaze me.

alyssa said...

We all have crap and we all need loved. I think anyone who doesn't see that is disillusioned.

Sarah Louise said...

CS--wow! it's been a long time! Yeah. I do love those folks. I think if I could see out beyond the HUGE chip on my shoulder, I might realize there are more folks in my corner than I realize.

A--there are a lot of disillusioned people out there, though.

Katy said...

I'm just saying hi! and that I still love you. But I read on Reader so commenting is a bit more of a hassle.
< hugs! >

SneakyPeek said...


You don't scare me, I've got big shoulders.

I love what you write.

Sarah Louise said...

K--thanks for commenting, you Google reader person you...(grin)
I accept any and all hugs.