Becoming my father...

Caption: darn blogger--anyways, this is my bare at the moment tree. Lights will come in an upcoming post, I promise!

This summer I posted about becoming my mom, by pulling clover from the lawn. Today, incensed with Christmas--yet another co-worker gift (other gifts: homemade biscotti, a picture of the co-worker's three gorgeous daughters)...this one was an actual basket, full of stuff!, and I'm supposed to reciprocate?? I have not the time or resources...so I am printing (ironically the ink I'm using may be the bigger expenditure per capita) out cards for my co-workers--I bought a flock of chicks at Heifer International and they each are getting a card that commemorates that act. I can't compete with the bakers and the crafters in the children's department, and everyone in the Tech dept got me a birthday card, so I needed to do something...at the OD this Advent, we've been talking about "alternative giving" and a Subversive Holiday Season. I didn't "buy the concept" until I saw the beautiful basket on my desk that there was no way I could reciprocate. So I'm printing and folding pieces of paper with a picture of an African child holding a chick. If I worked part time in one department, maybe I'd have a shred of creativity (I actually did buy stuff at Target and Giant Eagle to make up "goody bags") and time and energy. But I work full time, which parcels out to part time in two departments. (Which also means preparing two end of year reviews...) And I really need to buy new shoes for myself, not make another visit to Joanne Fabrics or the party store. Driving home in 8 degree weather at 11pm, driving past the Christmas lights, I was the closest to suicidal that I get. It seemed easy, you know, just crash the car. There is so much to be done before Christmas, for gifts, for people. There is so much to be done before the year ends, for taxes, for finances. And laundry? You can buy more underwear, yes, but that's not what's dirty! If I wake up early tomorrow, I can throw a load before I go to work....

Sarah's Louise's List:

• Laundry (and more laundry) (lovely thing about my apartment: can't shower while doing laundry--I think I'll throw a load with my alarm at 7 and then crawl back under the covers)
• Clearing out the foyer (which includes shredding junk mail)
• Folding the rest of the Heifer Project stuff
• Making/buying gifts for close friends (which I do enjoy!) (it's the obligatory ones I can't abide) (BB will tell you I am forever gifting)
• Finishing shopping for sibs and 'rents
• Wrapping and enveloping all of the above
• Christmas cards? are you daft?
• Finshing up holiday show and tells (I actually have decorations up now but you want an ORNAMENT?)
• Another trip to the basement for said ornament--I have to choose ONE???
• Choosing one ornament for Show and Tell
• Photographing said item and then doing the sitting on the floor cursing my computer tower
• Bringing up items from Target--(did I mention I live in a third floor walk-up) I finally broke down and got flannel sheets. It might be nice to sleep on my bed before Christmas...
• sealing up my skylight with cellophane (to the goal of above)
• picking up drugs at the pharmacy, making sure I have enough to get me through the holidays...
• Sleep? Oh that might be a good idea...

Did I mention it's like 14 degrees outside? So it's like 55 in my apartment, because the thrifty side of me turned the thermostat down when I left the house this morning.

Plus, I have social engagements every evening this week (my choice, don't cry for me Argentina) and I have Saturday off but as yet, no plans, because I'm never off on Saturday...I think I'll go to the movies. There's gotta be something I want to see. Because you are not getting me shopping, no sirree!! That's gonna be all wrapped up (metaphorically if not literally) on Friday, because I have the morning off. I'll get my Driver's Liscense picture taken, go to AAA and get a gazillion tour books for Dad (it's what he wants for Christmas, who am I to argue?), and maybe have a hot lunch at Whole Foods. They're having free valet parking next week, (the week of Christmas), I'm tempted to go just for that!!! I could go to a wedding on Saturday...a guy I used to be in a Bible Study with a few years ago, but I don't know...I mean it would be just for the wedding, I wasn't invited to the wedding or reception, but the wedding is an open thing (I think) at the church. I don't know...I'm not sure my calloused heart would be able to take going to a wedding right now...it's hard enough watching the babies and the loving looks my friend's husbands give their wives...I just want it to be January, dammit!!

I don't want to miss the season, you understand, but I long for the quiet days of January when I can curl up with my book. Which right now is Eat Cake, by Jeanne Ray, the mom of Ann Patchett, of Bell Canto and the Patron Saint of Liars. Ms. Ray is a treasure and I was stricken to discover I wouldn't have her as a dinner companion this evening as I had left my book at my bedside. It's the type of book you want to quote verbatim ad naseum because it makes so much sense. Oh look, it might be 57 degrees in here now!

If I quoted a sentence from Eat Cake, I'd have to quote the whole book. Too bad there isn't an imdb for books--I could link you to the "most memorable quotes of the book" instead of what you'll get, a bn.com review and some other folks thoughts on the book. Trust me, the real thing is so much more satisfying.

Last night Babelbabe and I went to the Christmas party at Taz', our local coffee shop. She lives a block away from Taz' and works less hours away from home than me (any mom is working, 24-7) so she goes there a lot, and knew a lot of the folks. I just found out I have extra vacation time and so I left work early, tried to squeeze in some shopping (foolish girl) and got to Taz' around 8:50ish, not bad since I said 8:45 when we spoke--I called her on my cell in the parking lot on the way to dinner at Wendy's. I love my cell phone. I truly do.

Don't mind the pause, I just moved my bookcase (full of books yes) so that some more heat might reach me. It occurs to me that sleep might be the cure for this whatever it is...

Oh, but anyways, it was just so nice sitting there with BabBab, just chatting, while there was a live string jazz duo playing Christmasy music. Thanks for being my friend, BB, and for being the squeaky wheel in my social life! Ladies and Gents, I'd like to nominate BB as friend extraordinaire. It's great, too, that her kids love me. What a true blessing, indeed. Okay, it's 1:24, and I'm weeping from good thoughts, so I think I'll wrap this up (truly, no Christmas pun intended) and get some shut-eye.

What happens when a crow loses it's voice?

Lost caws.

(thanks to Jack Prelutsky!!)

By the way: becoming my dad is by giving things like chicks from Heifer Project as gifts--he loves it!!