Sarah Louise has a pity party and you're not invited...

Oh, yes you are! Come on in, bring a hankie!

Let's see, I went to get antibiotics for the sinus infection, and whilst at the Big Bird (Giant Eagle) I bought a Vidalia onion and the latest copy of People, you know with Jenna Bush as a blushing bride on the cover. It's enough to make an old maid like me sing Johnny Cash (cry, cry, cry, and I don't mean the onion!) (I know I'm not an old maid, don't put that in the comments...)

Today was the last Mother Goose of the session and first I rammed the cart over my foot (ouch) and then while closing the room dividers, crunched my fingertips (ouch and double triple ouch). I know some of the kids I won't see again, cause they'll graduate to Kangaroo (for kids 24-36 mos.), or I'll be in Queens, or both...and I love my kiddies, I really do. When we sit there and sing

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray, you'll never know dear, how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away,"

I think you. You are my sunshines, every dear child and mother or father or grandma. I almost got one of the Sally's that I work with (not to be confused with NH Sally) to take a picture of me doing MG this morning but thought maybe that was too sentimental and foolish.

There's a line from Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg (which is stacked under some pile of books at the moment) where Natalie writes about a restaurant she and her friends started after college, and how they knew that it didn't matter how thick or thin they sliced the vegetables, it mattered that they cared about what they were doing, and that that was what came through to the customers, that was the secret ingredient in the recipe. I often think about that when I do my Mother Goose sessions--they don't care if I get the words right or if I'm sitting on the floor or on a chair. They can tell that I adore them and I adore what I'm doing.

Sigh. A line that has been resonating with me from Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: "Resurrection only comes out of death--real death. Our losses are real."

I went for a walk this evening, just at dusk, around 8:30 here--I love that I live so West that it is still light so late, and it's only May. (When I talk to my dad, I'll say, oh, it's still light and he'll say, oh it's been dark a half hour already.) And I grieved some things. I grieved not knowing if I'll ever be a blushing bride (and yes, there's more to it than Jenna Bush as a blushing bride, but you know I don't always fully disclose). I cried. I wept, as I walked up Ferguson, past the house where I bought my $4 desk. Past houses with "Unstoppable" Penguins signs and "Go Pens!" signs. I grieved. I grieved. I grieved.

And as I turned onto Jackson, I realized that a) I'm extremely hormonal right now. b) I have a lot of unresolved things in my life, they are choosing to manifest themselves in this lack of romantic self esteem c) I need to take a chill pill. The fact that Max is no longer totally gaga over me, that no one is right now, does not discount the fact that he was, that men have in the past been gaga over me, and furthermore, God, the creator of heaven and earth, is gaga over me, my name is graven on his palm.

When I got home, as I unplugged my cell phone from where I had been charging it, my land line rang. And wouldn't you know, it was NH Sally. Who is one of the most down to earth people I know. Which can be annoying if you're in the depths of despair, because she is a real Marilla type. Marilla, as in Anne of GG: no sense worrying over spilt milk and stuff. Wow, I'd never made that connection until now. But it's true. Sally is very often the Marilla to my Anne of GG.

Speaking of Marilla and Anne, Marian's hair is red right now. It's lighter daily, as it washes out, but the first couple of days it was (in her words, not mine) like she was Carrot Top's sister.

Sally and I talked for a bit, and then she had to go and so I called Bird. Who is Anne of GG right there with me. I shared with her that someone I used to know is getting married soon, and that triggered something too, I'm sure.

And I don't have plans for Memorial Day. I'm going to spend Saturday night and Sun day down near Somerset with Sally and family and some Bellefielders, come back for church Sunday evening, and then Monday, which is my regular day to go to doctors and such...well, no one works on Memorial day except for the ticket tearers and the popcorn boys, so I'm going to the movies. I know, sacrilege, I was never an Indiana Jones fan (probably due only to the fact that I never got around to seeing them, may have seen part of the first one, but I would like to see Iron Man. Or Made of Honor. Or...I haven't been to the movies in a LONG time.

Okay, and it was 9:58, so I just watched David Cook become the American Idol. And it was so wonderful watching him sing, walk into the crowd, pull David Archuleta into the spotlight, to see them all arm in arm at the end. I DID NOT watch the two hour finale, just the last five minutes, and I'm sorry, but it was really heartwarming.

The weather today was like my mood swings--sunny, then rainy, then cloudy and cold, then sunny, then rainy, then sunny--no, I think the weather had more mood swings than me--welcome to Pittsburgh!!

I'm outta here!!! (I'm such a geek.)