Why I write...and thoughts about crawling

Writing in the morning soothes me. Writing to yins makes me believe that my thoughts are going out to a friend, that I am not so solitary, after all.

I don't like routine. I fight it. My personality in one framework has been described as "abstract random." While I don't remember all the ins and outs of what that means, the random part comes out clear as a bell. While I like some things to stay the same, I need constant newness, something random.

I think my brain is either too tired or not awake enough to explain this well. I'll move on.

I've started reading something as I wake up. I know somewhere I have a copy of My Utmost for His Highest, by Oswald Chambers. For years, I resisted getting a copy of this book, thinking how boring it would be to read out of the same devotional every single morning. And my snobbery (if something is so great, why does everyone like it) was also a factor. I remember a tribute album by some Christian artists came out and I thought, oh yuk. What IS it that they see in this stupid devotional? Someone gave it to me as a gift a few years back, and I have enjoyed it. But read the second sentence: I know somewhere I have a copy... I resist the sameness of one book by one author every single solitary day.

Talking to BJ about the Emotionally Healthy Spirituality book helped, as I know BJ has read the book numbers of times. He admitted to me that this summer he's going to try to put together "a rule" which is Pete S.'s prescription in the book--make a routine out of your prayer, study, rest. But see, Pete S. forgot one thing when he wrote the book--it took him YEARS to get there. I think all good "instructional for the soul" books should have an epilogue: I didn't get here overnight. Don't think by reading my book you will too. Take a couple of years of reading this, see if it makes sense to you, THEN start your journey based on my notes.

I laugh, ruefully, thinking at how many "financial" studies/classes/books of which I've been a consumer. And yet I still make the same mistakes. It hasn't sunk in yet. I think actually, more instructive than any book or class or seminar, being friends with Sally has been a help. I'm still not where I should be, but I am more aware. When I think out loud about changing my Internet provider, and come to the conclusion that it wouldn't make a huge difference, she reminds me that I know the main drain from my income: eating out. She doesn't reprimand, she just points out. And points out that I know it, which I do. No amount of writing down everything I spend, or making a plan to get out of debt will do any good until I start making some meals at home and going to the grocery store more often than I go to the eateries I love.

(I have eggs and bread and cheese at home and I'm actually going to make my own breakfast this morning! It's very exciting!) (And now that I gave away the flowers I got at Trader Joe's last Monday, I have to go back, and get some more flowers and some more of that scrumptious Tomato Hummus.) (Part of my problem is that when I leave work, I am STARVED that I can't wait the half hour it will take to get home. What if I had hummus in the fridge at work and had appetizers before the drive home?) (See how it starts?) (It's kind of exciting...)

In my reading this morning, from Philip Yancey's Reaching for the Invisible God, this is a quote from the Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.: "If you can't fly, run. If you can't run, walk. If you can't walk, crawl, but by all means keep moving."

Yeah. Those are some words I can take in and savor. Because I have been doing a lot of sitting by the sidelines. And not doing a thing. But slowly, crawling. And even crawling gets you somewhere.

Am I making any sense? I think of the bloggers I love, who I know write in Word, rewriting and rewriting. And I just tinker a couple of times before I hit publish, because I don't really think of this writing as what I'm trying to polish. And yet, have I even started transcribing my novella? I've talked about it for years.

Crawling. Yeah, that sounds at least doable...

*****

In other news, I have been loving buying for 25 cents a pop back issues of Hallmark magazine. (Thank you, NPL Book Nook!) The best part is the back page, where author Amy Krouse Rosenthal writes and draws these fun little picture essays. She's the one that wrote Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life, which if you haven't read it, walk, or at least crawl, to your local book depository!

Oh, and the Pens lost last night. I hope they get to practice in Detroit--apparently the "boards are more bouncy" or something. Plus, they need to play a different kind of game, this is the Red Wings we're talking about. But gosh, I hope Cinderella gets the glass slipper this time...it would be SO sweet to get that Cup...