Wednesday, April 09, 2008

D-liver D-letter, D-sooner, D-better (random thoughts on lefters and a bit of angst)

One of the advantages to postal mail is that if you're waiting for something, you can blame the weather, or the post office. With email, you know there's a person on the other side that hasn't sent a reply yet.

This morning I thought I would have a couple replies, so I made sure to give myself sufficient "online time" to work on that and check FB and blog...alas, nothing.

Ah me.

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I bought stamps on Monday. They're of pollination. The link is to a USPS press release, which I skim-read and is actually pretty interesting.

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Mail yesterday: Ladies Home Journal, a flyer from Obama, and junk. Reading LHJ, I realized again what I realized yesterday as I went to Bible Study for the first time in months: women often relate to each other based on their children. Which is probably why I every once and a while think, oh, I want one. Because I want to be in that "club." After the third woman had introduced herself saying, I have three children, one's in junior high, etc., I introduced myself (almost on the verge of tears) saying, I'm an outsider here: no husband, no kids, I don't even attend this church on Sundays...I got a laugh and a "no you're not" (an outsider). Which is what I needed to get me through the remainder of the room, there might have been a total of twenty women. There were only two other unmarried women, but those women had children AND grandchildren. They were all pleased as punch to just gab about their progeny, nothing wrong with that. But as they went around the room, I thought, I need to get new friends.

Not that I would get rid of these, no, never, these women enrich my life, as do their children, the ones that I know. (I adore the fact that Sally's kids accept me as a piece of the furniture at their house.) But I need some women that are successful not because they have children and grandchildren, but because they've worked hard at a profession. I need women who are successfully single and childless. Where are the "Fabulous Four" when I need them? Yesterday my del.icio.us page got beefed up with a few new websites and items on singleness. Cause here's the thing: I don't want a man right now, or children. And that's got to be okay, but dammit, the only woman I know here, that I communicate with, that I know, that reflects that, is the one I see in the mirror.

Whew! Didn't think that's where I'd go when I started this post, and ding! my little chicky time clock just told me it's time to hop over to the bathroom. So more single lady angst another day.

And if you are a grandma or a momma (or a wanna-be) reading this, please know that that is fabulous, that I think you are fabulous. I don't knock your experience, it's just not my experience.

5 comments:

Katrina said...

I know I'm sometimes guilty of that same thing (defining myself by my relationships to husband and children), but I do try to remember to relate to my friends (single, married, childless and child-saturated) in a way that reflects our shared experience. Having been on the listening end of many child-centric conversations, I can tell you that, even having my own kids, it's hard to listen to the all-children, all-the-time channel. I need to talk about books, and world events, and that college student in the news who built his own Panzer tank.

I hope you're able to find a few "Fabulous" friends to add to your circle!

cuileann said...

Not getting a reply to an e-mail/facebook wall post/facebook message/private message/whatever does make me rather sad. Especially when I'm expecting one and left the "conversation" open to continue, and it never comes. Another reason why face-to-face conversations are better, if less eloquent (normal people won't ignore you or wait days to respond to you, haha).

Amy A. said...

I hate that circle thing. When I run things I make people say who they are, where they are from and what their favorite 'whatever' is... perfume, food, color, etc. That way it really is about us and not about how many times we have or haven't given birth.

I love my kids and my family, but sometimes it's not all about them.

Sarah O. said...

Once a woman's youngest kid starts all-day school, their lives are no longer all about the kids. They want to reclaim their own lives. Thing is, they've identified themselves so strongly as moms for so long, they identify themselves as moms for years and years.

And although they may not be available many evenings, they do like hanging around single women and yes, envy the single woman's freedom and knowledge of the outside world.

I say this because I feel it and my married with kids friends talk about it all the time!

Sarah Louise said...

Thanks guys!!