Tuesday, March 06, 2007

"I'm fine, but I'm bipolar..." (Carrie Fisher)

Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life. (Carrie Fisher)

By now you know I get a devotional every day from the Purpose Driven Life. This was in today's:

"Eugene Debs, who ran for president of the United States as a third party candidate in 1912, had this to say while campaigning:

As long as there is a lower class, I am in it.
As long as there is a criminal element, I'm of it.
As long as there is a soul in prison, I am not free."
(John Fischer)

It made me think about the former vice presidential candidate that just died. Good old whats-his-name, the one who had to resign his candicacy when he revealed he'd been admitted to a mental hospital for depression.

Thank God I live in a time where even Newsweek magazine thinks depression in men is important enough that they have a cover story on it. (Not that I've read it, but I think I will now, and I hope that guy is mentioned in it, for historical reasons.)

Yesterday on the bus, I worked on a few surveys for a study I was in a while back. When I finish them, I'll get $45. That will pay for the bus ride yesterday, thankyouverymuch. I am forever frustrated at the literature on bipolar that comes across my desk to review DDC numbers. Which is probably why I'm not out there looking for information, since what I see is so pedantic, so not helpful to ME. BJ keeps telling me I should write a book, and I will, eventually...

Anyways. I've been diagnosed with bipolar for over seven years now and was very surprised to see these as options on the survey, and thought, wow, are these bipolar qualities? Because they sure are things I suffer from, and had I known that was a bipolar quality...well, if you don't know why you do what you do...

Here are the statements:

It is important that people admire me.

When I get new ideas, I must tell people at once and at length so that they admire me.

If I notice something new, I must make every effort to think about how it connects with everything else.

There might be more, I still have at least three more packets left to work on. But wow! It is important in my tiny mind that I am admired. I do go on about new ideas. I do make every effort to connect things in my life to each other. All these things are crazymakers in my life.

I'm still on the therapist hunt. There's a possibility with the place downstairs from where I see my psychiatrist. It would combine group therapy and individual therapy, depending on how well you were doing. (If you're doing better, group. If you're not so good, individual.) I have never really liked group therapy, since I've never met anyone with bipolar that I liked. Isn't that horrible? It makes me feel like I must be this prima-donna that thinks she's better than everyone, which I suppose is sometimes true, but I hate that it could be...

They say that if you don't like a person, it could be because you see yourself in them.

This post is losing its steam. But I had to at least, you know, get these thoughts out, since I have to see how new ideas connect, etc. etc.

Go, and have good mental health!

And ugh, I've come back to an apartment that is so cluttered it's shutting me down, and I'm still taking decongestants every four hours.


KitchenKiki said...

"It is important that people admire me.

When I get new ideas, I must tell people at once and at length so that they admire me.

If I notice something new, I must make every effort to think about how it connects with everything else."

I think to some extent this describes most of the people I know (including myself). And only a few of them are diagnosed as bi-polar. hmmm. So maybe we are all a little...

KitchenKiki said...

Good luck on the therapist search. I just had this conversation with a friend of mine and it took her 2 years to decide she liked her therapist. I hope you do better!

Sarah Louise said...


Badger said...

Yes, good luck on the therapist hunt! We are back at square one with finding a therapist for the girl (doctor #1 dropped our insurance, as did doctor #2, and we decided we didn't like doctor #3). I am THISCLOSE to writing a letter to DH's HR people at work to BEG them to give us more provider choices when it comes to mental healthcare. EVERY DOCTOR hates our insurance company, and they are dropping like flies. UGH.

If you decide to write a book about the horrible state of mental healthcare in this country, lemme know. Because I want to co-author it.

Katrina said...

According to the three characteristics you've listed, I have to say that I think a blog probably makes a terrific therapy venue for someone who is bipolar. You can reach many people with your new ideas all at once, you get admiration instantly in the form of comments, and you can ramble on to your heart's content in an effort to connect everything in your life to every other thing.

What are the other characteristics? Because those three sound hauntingly familiar...

Sarah Louise said...

K--you know, I have often thought that blogging is a form of group therapy.

I'll do a bipolar characteristics post soon. I've been not wanting to get that close to the skin, but I am finding that it helps, and that when I'm transparent, people respond.


weirdbunny said...

I was diagnosed with bi polar 8 years ago. Medication has made my life a lot better, and my no. 1 rule is try not to think. Yeah about anything, as I over think to outragoues proportions.
I think most articles on manic depression are really depressing ! One said that 2 out of 5 people evewntually die of bi polar which is horrid. However if you alter that into a percentage thats means 80 percent of people live through bi poloar. I'd rather go with the percentage stastistic it makes me feel a lot more happier.

nutmeg said...

Yes. Please do the bipolar characteristics post! Ditto on the three you've already mentioned!

I was disappointed your "longer" comment got lost on my blog. I am very interested to know what you think. I feel I have been a lttle misinterpreted by some of the comments I've gotten.

Anyway, thanks for the tip about the Peg Bracken book. I looked it up on google and yahoo and while there are lots of people who want to sell me one there are not any reviews so I know what it is about first. Could you help Sarah Louise? Much appreciated.