Sunday confessions, a few hours early

A while back (eons, when Glamourose was a hopping blog), Kim and Bec instituted Sunday as "Confessions day." I'll see if I can scare up some links.

Here's one from Bec, and from Suse, and another one from Kim.

So here are a few of mine:

1. Social justice issues scare me. Tonight I was Sally's date (instead of babysitting her children, as her husband wanted to stay home) to a CCO dinner followed by a speaker, Gary something, of IJM ministries. Way to get my attention. Did you know there are 27 million slaves in the world? RIGHT NOW?? The speaker really came full circle, though, telling us the sob stories and then their redemption. He used the story of Jesus feeding the 5,000 with the boy's lunch as inspiration--if only a few people could have a shred of obedience like that boy did, God will show up to do the miracles. But still...scary!! The OD is starting to talk about Social Justice and frankly, I just sometimes want to run in the opposite direction. I. am. such. a. hypocrite.
   
2. I have started ring watching again. You know, when you look at someone's left hand to see if there's a gold or silver band on the ring finger?
3. I am really bad at keeping up with dishes and laundry. If I had babysat, I would have done a load. (Because I wouldn't have had to use quarters to use Sally's washer.)
4. I find it hard to trust people and God. I am learning, but I feel like I've been burned too many times, and so I get really paranoid, really easily.
5. I am a perfectionist. Someone said to me this week, "I find that hard to believe." Well, it's true. My perfectionism may not show up in my apartment, cluttered as it is, but if someone watched me compose a post, or agonize over an email...
6. I have too much stuff. I have for most intents and purposes lived in this apartment for twelve years. That's twelve years of build-up.
7. I don't listen to the news. I turn the radio off on the hour and half hour because I just can't listen to it anymore.
8. I have watched Season One, Disc One of Friends more times than I'd like to admit. I think about the "pretend lives" of Rachel, Joey, Monica, Chandler, Ross and Phoebe a lot, working my brain around a piece of an episode, looking for the kernel of truth.
9. I don't know how to feel about Sex and the City as a Christian woman. There's a post coming on this one. I do not agree with the sexual mores expressed therein, but the story is one of real true (gritty, funny, messy) love if you watch all six seasons. And the friendships among the women are inspiring--wouldn't you like to have friends that you met every Sunday for brunch? I know I would.
10. I expect a lot of my friends. I always have. My mother accuses me of this all the time. And then I realize that maybe hmm, could I be the one in the wrong? Open mouth, insert foot...I sit in front of a computer 90% of my day and I forget that other folks have kids, days off, no Internet at home, no desire to check email umpteen times a day.
    
11. I have watched Twister, The Three Musketeers, You've Got Mail and Runaway Bride more times than I like to admit.
    
12. I play way too much Free Cell.

**********

At the conference, which is run by the Coalition for Christian Outreach, a college ministry to over 70 campuses in 5 states, headquartered in Pittsburgh, I ran into a guy I sort of knew by sight when I lived in Falls Church. He went to a fellowship that I went to, called Kairos. A few years ago, I ran into him at Jubilee and tonight, he was at the same table as Sally and I. He works in the social justice/political justice arena, and as I wailed (well, not quite) that I am scared of all this, and that having a father who worked for the U.S. Government, I am aware that easy answers often aren't. He gave me a wonderful analogy, which I'll share with you. Social justice work is like farming. You are planting seeds. It takes time. It is not quick, like downloading software. I'll expand on that: yelling loud enough, sending off enough letters to politicians, marching for something, being passionate enough--those things don't accomplish the same thing that working at something with humility and persistance does.

I feel that I'm doing this badly. But I don't know how else to do it, right now. This is me, imperfectly saying to you, I am trying and often failing at what I'm trying to accomplish. But I'd like to get better at it. I'd like my life to matter more than just pink shoes and chick lit and all the books that I own. I'd like to have a shred of obedience that my two loaves of bread and five fish, meager as they are, could be used for some good, somewhere, sometime.