...and let me tell you, it's fascinating. For instance, I knew (who didn't?) that men have more testosterone. In conflict solving, this allows men to fight it out quickly, sometimes mano a mano, and then shake hands and be friends again. What I did not realize was that women have more seratonin. (Which explains why women "are naturally more self-controlled, less aggressive, and less prone to violence than women. Women get angry, but seratonin allows them to handle conflict differently...Seratonin lets women suppress their anger, allowing it to smolder while they plot their revenge. Men get mad; women get even." p. 83)
I'm sure no one reading this blog has any idea what I'm talking about...
So, why is it so important that churches change so that men love going there?- When men go to church, the tithes come out of the main family budget. When women alone attend, the tithe comes out of the grocery budget. (That's a big difference!) (10% of a salary as opposed to 10% of $250...you do the math) (p. 46)
- When men go to church, their families go too. If women take their kids, there is this tug of war: If Dad isn't going, why do I have to go? The statistics: when a woman comes to faith in Christ, her family follows 17 % of the time. When a man comes to faith in Christ, his family follows 93% of the time. (p. 47)
- Men's focus on the outside world promotes church health: when men get involved, ministry changes its focus from the family in here to the world out there. (p. 47)
- Godly men attract women. A quote from a 28 year old woman from Australia: "There's something sexy about a man who's following after God." Amen! From our author: "Without dynamic, life-giving men, a church will eventually lose its women as well, especially the young ones." (p. 46-7)
Jesus loved the little children. He said, "Let the little ones come unto me." But he spent the majority of his three years on earth with twelve rag tag men. A quote from David Murrow, "If Christ had intended women and children to be the primary focus of church, He would have set up a women's circle and a Sunday school. Instead, he focused like a laser on a ragtag band of twelve men. I think he did this for two reasons. First, Jesus knew that men play an indispensible role in His body. When the men are absent or anemic, the body withers. Second, I suppose Jesus knew his message would resonate with women. It was obviously more feminine than the ruthlessly masculine legalism of the Pharisees." (p. 43)
Which brings in an interesting point: Christianity is centered around the Eucharistic meal, and it encourages meekness, humility, and a certain passivity. "But, while Christian values tend to be perceived as feminine, they must be lived out in an agressive, masculine fashion." (p. 44)
I could go on. I'm pretty much giving you the book word for word, but it is THAT good. This is important stuff.
Why men hate church, by David Murrow. Published by Nelson, 2005
7 comments:
Dunno that I agree with the thesis of the book, but your post sure raised some interesting points.
-J.
Specificity. That's what I love about you, J!
So true! There have always been more women at any church I've attended (Baptist, Pentacostal, currently Anglican), and I find it challenging attending as a-mum-and-two-kids rather than the whole family (so far the kids don't seem to mind)I guess all I can do is pray...
SL,
I meant the statistics were intriguing. Let us know if the book ever says WHY men (ostensibly) hate church. As in "Therefore, I have proven men hate church because there is no beer there and the Eucharist is not pizza."
:-)
-J.
Ah! Well, there are three gaps. I'll post on this later, but they are the gap of prescense (guys won't go if guys aren't already there and this is the case in most mainline Protestant churches); the gap of participation: women are more likely to participate in the life of the church beyond Sunday morning; the gap of personality: there are entire personality types missing from most churches: risk takers, fun lovers, and bikers. The abscence of these men makes it harder to attract men to churches. Maybe at your church, there's no problem, but let me tell you, this is an issue in almost every church I've ever attended. (More than I can count on one hand.)
The guy who wrote this book wrote it based on research. There are facts and figures to back up every chapter of the book.
http://www.churchformen.com/
and my vw: fxybk=foxy book. So there!
Maybe it's an Iberic thing, maybe it's because my church is (quite literally) a dumping ground/refuge for people who like the Pre-Vatican II yells/bells/smells instead of drums and guitars and handholding Kumbaya Catholic Lite that is prevalent elsewhere.
At any rate, things are pretty 50%-50% here, except for the non-Sunday stuff in which women are involved 65%-35% (mostly because the guys are working and women tend to be the SAHM type).
We have the funlovers (hey! we're overrun with Iberics!) and we have the risktakers (the demographics of this place are heavily skewed to entrepreneurialism). We don't have have bikers. Unless Ducati, Aprilia and BMW riders count, and even then.
Having said all THAT (phew!) I appreciate that whole research-driven thing, and I don't dispute his assertions (as re. teh gaps, for instance), but I eagerly await the indepth "why!"
-J.
Looky.
http://www.opinionjournal.com/taste/?id=110007439
-J.
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