Monday, June 23, 2008

Carlin, Tudor, Russert--that's three

I shelved Carlin's books when I worked at Fox Books (humor was one of my departments.) But he is one of the cultural pieces I'm totally missing. Found this quote in an obit, which made me smile:

"Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?"

I have a colleague who knew Tasha Tudor and was actually named after her. What an independent woman she was, and so talented. I have at least one book she illustrated, a collection of Christmas stories called Take Joy!


Meanwhile, I'm feeling guilty about thinking East. Talking to BJ on Thurs was great, but I didn't realize the OD is losing 5 families this summer and then somewhere in the conversation BJ said, and with you maybe leaving (knife to my heart.) Then last night in Steph's sermon, which was about discernment and the Holy Spirit, she said, one of the things to think about when you're making a decision is "is it good for the community." Ouch.

Which of course wants me to yelp, "I have been here from almost the very beginning of this community, I've done my course!" "I'm NOT a Johnny-come-lately that came to Pgh for school and left. I came back THREE times." But I think about the Out of the Gray song "We never went to Venice" (or some such) which talks about building a life right here, which I have ALWAYS advocated. And I do have a wonderful group of friends here, who would miss me, and a great support system. I don't know. I know that these doubts are part of the process--that having these doubts are not wrong, they mean that I care enough to look at it from all points.

I don't know. Something has to give. And it will. I have to trust the process, trust myself, and trust my Lord. I've started re-reading Max Lucado's book, When God whispers your name, and there's a part where he talks about his daughter and a player piano, that reminded me yesterday afternoon (and this morning) that I can't screw up God's plan:

I could see why she was so happy. She sat down to attempt "Chopsticks" but instead played "The Sound of Music." What's more, she couldn't fail. One greater than she was dictating the sound. Andrea was free to play as much as she wanted, knowing the music would never suffer.

Oh. Okay. Alright, I'll go live my life.

When I was in college and seriously considering transferring from Carlow (where I attended my first two years) to Washington College (where I did attend my last two years, and graduate) I was in serious every day, well, I don't know, what should I do? My mother, wise woman that she is, said, write it on the calendar. Every day, when you wake up, what is in your heart? In the end, I did decide to leave this city I love, and it WAS the best decision. I had two wonderful years at WAC, years that are earmarked as the two of the best years of my life. Which was such a joy, as I had had two pretty miserable ones at Carlow. (Which is not to say I didn't love Carlow, it's just that the overarching memories of Carlow were ones of growth, painful growth. The overarching memories of WAC were enjoyment.)

Of course, those memories are at least 15 years old, and thus colored by memory, which never tells the whole story.


In other news, when I went for tea and a bagel at Tazza, there was a table of women knitting! And then I went to see Babs, who was on her way to the grocery store. She picked up yogurt and cranberry juice for me! (And my heart says, see, you'd miss these things...) (And my heart replies, I know.)

To be continued...


KitchenKiki said...

you need to think what is right for you, not a group or a community.

Over the past 2 years, I have heard so many times, "But you can't go, we need you!"

Some of these people mean it for selfish reasons, some mean it for more spiritual reasons. There are many things I love about where I live, and I know that there is much that I will miss, but I also know that I am ready to move on.

I hope and pray that my husband get the job that he is currently a finalist for, because I know in my heart that it is time to move on. It helps that the job is on the Central Coast of California, and appears to have a lot of the things that are important to me--a thriving arts community, a real farmer's market that is a community event, wine. (Lots of wine :) )

So I say look into your heart. Life is a journey, sometimes that journey takes you only miles from where you began and sometimes it takes you far and wide.

It may also not yet be time to go. Right now, it may only be time to think about going.

Now, more importantly, what about the haircut?

Sarah Louise said...

Thanks. My therapist pretty much said the same things, (except she doesn't talk about her DH, and she better not be moving to California.)

To everything its season. And now, for the haircut pix...