The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up.

(Steven Wright)

Whenever I walk from the car to the house, in my hand, I single out the car key, as if that is going to open my door, and I think of this Steven Wright quote, which I must have heard when I was in college.

I've locked myself out once. It's how I met Minnie, the Italian lady that lives across the street. I pulled the door shut and something in that sound said goodbye. (Actually, that's a Garrison Keillor line.) My neighbor downstairs used to lock himself out a lot.

But the best locked out of the house story is one where I was the locker outer, not the locked out. Rather, my friend was locked in...just read. It makes sense. I had just moved to the house where I currently live, and was on my way out the door to work. But first I went down to get something in the laundry room. Sally was down there, in her house coat, and we chatted. I came up the stairs, instinctively shut out the light, and put the little hook in the eye. Yes, with Sally down there still. I went off to work. I read a story to the children about sea turtles. After I was done with the story, my manager Doug said I had a phone call, and that it was okay for me to go home. I took the phone call, which was Sally, whom I'd locked in the basement. Fortunately for both of us, there was a side door to the basement that opened to the outside. So, in her house coat, she left the basement, went to the neighbor's, and called me at the store. (This is when I worked for Fox Books.) I immediately drove home and let Sally into the house. Thankfully, we laugh about this story to this day. And we are still friends! Suffice to say, the hook and eye got taken off the basement door, which means that it is always ajar. Sally has since moved into her own home with her lovely husband and two boys. We each have keys to each other's house, in case we're ever locked out, but actually, we use them more to get into each other's houses when we're out of town. (I'll feed their frogs, for instance.)

My keys. I have a lot. I have my own house keys, house keys to Sally's house, office keys for work, my car keys, a flashlight that emits a blue light, and yes, what's that? A Hello Kitty Sticker Holder? Well, it did hold stickers, yes, once upon a time, but I use it for pills. It is perfect as it has 5 different slots, which is as many times a day as I take pills. I own three and rotate them. This is especially helpful when I travel, because I can fill them up to three days in advance!

Oh, and my father wishes all of you a happy Star Wars Day (May the fourth be with you...) I didn't say *I* wished you that--I have a feeling my dad and Joke would get on real well.

Show and tell, courtesy of Blackbird.