Bloggers Anonymous

(Warning: this is *one* of those posts, where SL takes it to the bone and the marrow.)

So now that I'm one, I'm all into, maybe I should be more defined or something. (No, actually, I think that about every third day.)

(I have got to get some breakfast--hold on!) Okay, raise your hand if you've had linguini Alfredo with broccoli for breakfast! (It's in a box in the kitchen, warming up.) So sue me, I really want to write and I don't want a cold breakfast.

So, some mornings I am disciplined and stuff and I read the Bible or listen to some praise music or look at my list of people I need to keep in touch with before I ever turn on the computer. Other mornings, I roll out of bed when my "gotta take that pill, NOW" alarm goes off on my cell phone, crawl back in bed, think better of it, and troll over to the computer. Yes, this is my life.

Sorry, it's "Lasagna Alfredo," and it has a minute thirty more. Patience is not necessarily a virtue I hold. Well, for some things....

Today was one of those troll to the computer right away mornings. I am not proud of it, and especially on a Sunday. But I have no real reason to go to church this morning (my church meets in the evening) (except that maybe I have a low grade depression thing going on and being around people would be a good thing...) Maybe I'll call Babs.

Sorry. Had to go see if that was my neighbor leaving (slam, slam go the doors) to discover that his sun roof was open overnight. (In Pittsburgh, it's raining.) Only to discover that the purple car sped off. Did a new tenant move into the first floor without my knowing? Gah! And where was s/he speeding off so rushy on a Sunday morning? (Yes, I know rushy isn't a word.) Church or a job? (We vote for #1, please let it be #1.)

Gah!

Okay, tailspin over, back now, with my lasagna Alfredo. Yesterday I had book group with Abraham. (If you've been keeping track, that means I had *two* book group meetings yesterday.) (Mother Daughter was in the afternoon--and I actually had 3 moms and 3 girls--it was such a proud moment...) Oh yes, book group with Abraham. I never know if I should give people aliases or not. I mean BJ and John are BJ and John, but my real name is not Sarah Louise. Anyways, until further notice, I had book group with Abraham, who is the OD's intern. He is one of my favorite people and 24, just like my sister. He sort of has a blog that he maintains on a seasonal basis (spring, fall, winter...not that often). Enough backstory. Yesterday I had book group with Abraham. I was late, I fell on the stairs of the UP (Union Project) cafe and spilled my breakfast. He hadn't re-read the chapters since his first reading as he is in the throes of moving and life in general. Um, finals? (He goes to the local Seminary.)

So, Abraham. We actually spent more time talking about the OD and life in general than the book in question, which I found perfectly okay, since my motto these days is "Only connect." Besides, the book is sheer science fiction, about people who spend an hour in silent prayer daily and share living spaces with non-family and sell all their possessions to feed the poor... it is not the sort of book you would EVER read on your own unless you already did all those things. The only thing that keeps me reading is that I know I'm responsible for saying something witty when we meet. Yes, like "This is Science Fiction!" (Except that it's not.) Tailspin.

The point? So Abe and I got to talking about other stuff and I told him about my blogiversary and he said, "You know, I think you are the only person I know that would celebrate that." He meant it kindly. We got to talking about how the OD has this split personality where we are all about doing stuff together in person and then we have this website that is hard to navigate and doesn't really represent who we are and this forum that no one really reads or goes to. And Abe's like, but I don't think we should be an online community. And I said, but we are! We are a white church with highly educated people that sit in front of the computer all day. (And, people are coming, black and white, to the OD because they found our website.) It would be lovely if I could just pop into the office and say "hey there" to John and BJ, but my job is thirty minutes away and I work odd hours. So I'm not always available to be there "in person." He conceded I was right. But neither of us knew what to do about it. About us doing more stuff in person and online. Because, we have to do both. But we have to get better at both. Because (and Abe wrote this down) we are really good as a church at "packing our bags" but not so good at unpacking them. And why are Abe and I at the OD? Because we are sick and tired of moving and we've found a place we want to settle, so let's settle!

We discussed having a "Story day" where everyone tells their story. Because the only way I got Abe out of his particular tailspin was to ask him how many times he had moved as a child. It was a lot. And I never knew that. And though some of us have been with the OD since it met in the basement of Bellefield, I don't really know the people at my church.

I have this Bible verse on my desk in front of the computer. I got it off some blog. I have no clue what translation it is, but I like it: "Do not despise these small beginnings, for the LORD rejoices to see the work begin." (Zechariah 4:10)

We are *such* a young church and we have so much potential, but are we going to be [unnamed country] (which my father says is the country of the future, and has been for the past fifty years). Are we going to try to be something we're not just so we can feed the needs in our community? And what is our community?

A quote from our book, "The N[ew] M[onasticism] serves itself not by concentrating on its own survival but by devoting its life to the eschaton revealed, established, and consummated by Jesus Christ." (p. 7)

In other words, we are not a social service. We are not here to save the world by bringing blankets. We are here to save souls. And anytime we think that giving away blankets is more important than the souls of the people who get the blankets, we are wrong. (And that is not my thought, but I can't find whose it is at the moment.) We can still give away blankets, don't get me wrong. But Jesus is the only person who can change someone else's life through and through. I am merely a conduit. And a very broken one, at that. (YES, I am a hypocrite.)

I didn't move with the OD to the East End because I believe in social justice or that we can "save" this neighborhood. I already live in this neighborhood, and have for over ten years. I continued going to the OD when it moved to the East End because it is the first church I've been to that is peopled by rebels. I never fit in before and I'm not sure I do now, but none of us do! I pick up trash with the best of them, but I am about relationships. And we are good, at the OD, about starting them. Not so good on the follow up.

My cell phone? Is always on my person or in my purse. I have 24 numbers that belong to people I have met through or at the OD. Of those, I keep in touch mostly with two women who used to attend the OD. None of the people in my cell phone from the OD are folks I'd call up just to chat. No, I call if I'm somewhere and I want to know why they're late or I'm late and I want to let them know.

I am a single woman, hungry for community. And where have I found it? Here, at Bloggers Anonymous. Babs lives walking distance (not that I've ever walked to her house) (Update--I did, today! It is no longer raining!) and I correspond regularly via email with Joke, occasionally with Blackbird, Badger, and others (I love you all!).

As for the OD, I am sanguine, and I live by the end verses in Habukkah.

Habakkuk 3:17-18:
17 Although the fig tree shall not blossom, neither shall fruit be in the vines; the labour of the olive shall fail, and the fields shall yield no meat; the flock shall be cut off from the fold, and there shall be no herd in the stalls:
18 Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will joy in the God of my salvation.

As Joke would say, solo Dei gloria.