Open Letters

Dear Madison Avenue (and all the advertisers you represent):

I am so sick of hearing about debt-loss, weight-loss, and online dating. Give it a rest. Stop telling us about new cars as we contemplate how to get over our addiction to foreign oil. Stop telling us about how diamonds will make our relationships mean more. Do you think the gaining diamonds and new cars might have something to do with why there are so many commercials for debt-loss and online dating?? Please, we want a great taste test campaign, which is better, Coke or Pepsi (while Pepsi wins on taste tests, Coke wins in the long run!!), or a "Where's the Beef" campaign like Wendy's ran in the mid-eighties. Give us something to laugh about. We'll return the favor by drinking Cokes and going to Wendy's.

Yours,

Sarah Louise

Dear the rest of the world:

Don't tell Madison Ave that I don't need commercials for Coke or Wendy's, since I buy their stuff anyways.

Yours,

Sarah Louise

Dear man at the party the other night:

No, I do not want to date an a--hole or a bastard without guts. I don't think those are my only choices. I think there is another alternative and while he seems to be an endangered species in the wild, I have met the married version: a godly man who balances confidence with humility. I will give you this: when you're dating a jerk, you know he likes you, because he generally treats all other people like crap. When you date and/or are scoping out a nice guy, you have to figure out if he likes you because he's nice to everyone. So while I prefer nice guys, there is less confusion on that particular issue if he's a jerk.

Yours,

Sarah Louise

To the women of the Open Door,

You missed an amazing day at the Women's Gathering. What, honestly, (besides a babysitting job with twin four year olds) was more important than hanging out, chilling with your chicks, hearing someone talk honestly about being a woman, not wanting to lead, but doing it anyways. Hello, I took a vacation day. Katrina took a vacation day. Honeys, I hoard those like GOLD. I will not not work on a Saturday unless it is for GOLD. This was gold, much fine gold, and honey on the comb.

I laughed a lot. If anything, you missed hearing me laugh, all morning. You missed amazing worship. And the food--for $20 bucks, I got all that teaching, hanging out, plus breakfast, lunch, and afternoon tea. (Have you been to a restaurant lately? You can drop $20 easily on just drinks and tapas!) The chicken salad was amazing. Bellefield's basement wasn't Mrs. K's, but the company of women made up for that. As women, we need these role models. We need to have the conversations about milk vs. meat. We need to talk about how Sex and the City offers a great example of comraderie with women but a poor example about how to live a dating life. We need to have those conversations where we talk about what our gifts are and how we think they aren't important and have someone say, yes, yes they are. We need all those hugs. We are a young church, ladies, and we need the wisdom of women that have grandchildren. Um, you ain't gonna get that at the Open Door, at least not yet. You missed out, and I mourn that decision of yours.

However, I had a blast. I laughed, I cried, it was better than Cats. I sang out, I searched my soul, I encouraged friends, I met new people. I learned how to talk like a Southerner:

• "Scared as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs."

I learned that the antithesis of the Proverbs 31 woman is the Proverbs 7 woman. And I was reminded that the Proverbs 31 woman was imagined up by a MOTHER, giving advice to her son on what to look for in a wife. So of course she's perfect!! (Yins with MIL's can talk about that one amongst yourselves...)

I learned that if Jesus says "Go fishing" you should bring tartar sauce, because there's gonna be a feast. And we laughed over a carpenter giving advice to a fisherman, that the paraphrase of vs. 5 was "Man, you are a carpenter and I am a fisherman, I know all about fish and there is nothing there to catch, but if you say so..."

I learned that a great follower is a leader who hasn't accepted the promotion.

I heard poetry, which I'll share with you:

• "allow poetry to slip in the back door." (William Stafford)
• "He moves your bones and the way is clear." (Wendell Berry)
• and one by Kathleen Norris that I didn't write down...
  

I learned that all women are alike in this: we worry about our hearts and our friends. We get lonely and we get loved. We own lots of shoes. And I re-learned this one: women go to the bathroom together. If you thought going to relieve your bladder was going to give you one second alone, that one second was going down the back stairway. I shed tears. And I remembered, as my tears hit the bathroom floor, that God keeps each one in a bottle.

I re-learned that in Pittsburgh, it's not six degrees of separation, it's one, or 1/2. ("I know your church has 2000 members, but do you know so and so?" "Oh yes!")

And then I re-learned something about myself: if I'm with friends, I can stay out late. (Yes, little miss introvert, after a day with 200 women and some time at home deciding WHAT to wear for a birthday party, went out for tapas at 8 pm and stayed until 11 pm, when she went to the Sharp Edge for a Mystery Brew and some Mediterranean Nachos. We stayed there until 12:20, A.M.!)