Grumpy and grieving start with the same sound. And there's a reason, grrrrrrrrrrrrr.
So, within 48 hours, I lost the dream of a dream job and the dream of a dream boat. He was swell, but never noticed me. (It only took me six months to figure it out this time.) And I love the dear woman who is most definitely qualified for the job that I pined after. (With her in the running, no one else was going to get that particular job.) So.
So, in an effort to not dwell on the losses, but to be the librarian extra-ordinaire that you know me to be:
Books (on relationships) that I would never add to my GoodReads profile that I love and would recommend to girlfriends:
(gotta go check the laundry)
Okay, laundry still spinning. GAH it is soooooo cold. (Like 9 degrees Fahrenheit outside, cold cold in the stairwell.)
Revelations of a single woman: loving the life i didn't expect by Connally Gilliam
Have thought about getting a copy of this and giving to sister for Christmas, but like a Sex and the City calendar, it's not the sort of thing you want to open in front of people. Oh, thanks, a book about being single. Gee, um, thanks. I've written about this book here before.
My most favorite image from Connally's book is that if you are looking for relationships as a single person, you often find that you are splintered, trying to be friends with everyone, drinking from "a thousand little waxy Dixie cups" when you really want some deep wells. (19)
Or this tidbit: "women, oftentimes--for better or worse--seem to invest in and draw more life from their workplace relationships than men do. Hence, a woman's actual job might be a misfit--one that doesn't engage her best abilities--but she'll stay longer at it for the sake of the people." (182)
Or how about this one, single women? "Where can I find community?.... 'I'm on my third set of friends right now,' writes one woman who has cycled through the marriages and moves of numerous friends. " (190)
Is he Mr. Right? Everything you need to know before you commit by Mira Kirshenbaum (author of Too Good To leave, Too bad to stay, another helpful book.
This is the book that inspired this list, as I'm currently making my way through it. After I realized that Mr. "All That" really wasn't, it helped me as I figured out why: (fortunately, I hide books like this under tables and find them at opportune moments) I don't feel safe when I'm with him, and I don't think he's fun. (There are 5 compatibility levels and those are two of them.) I mean, why should I be with a guy that I think is mostly boring, who only pays attention to me at church, and and and (fill in the blank.) I mean, it took me twenty years to get over a guy who only paid attention to me when we were on the phone, so I'd like to think I've grown past the "one venue" kind of guy. But I do still need to grieve, and that's okay.
The main gist of this book is dump him as soon as you figure out he's a dud, which I've never been successful at, but hey, maybe I just did!
I haven't finished this book, but my therapist knew of it, has actually recommended it to folks (though I found it on my own, in the 646.77's (DDC for dating and choice of mate)).
Here's a gem: "Maybe you realized you felt bored or depressed. Bad chemistry." (13) (Sort of like when I was dating the guy who was writing a novel and I thought it was horrible. Um, I'm a writer. So if you are too, and you don't write well, there's going to be a problem.)
It's called a break-up because it's broken: the smart girl's break-up buddy by Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt.
I read a lot of break-up books the summer I was dealing with the loss of my friend Boston (who doesn't live in or near Boston, and is again my friend). This was one I got on audio. While I ABHORRED the first book Greg wrote (He's just not that into you) because it seemed boorish and in your face, I liked this one, because the audio presentation made it funny, and it was true. Why do we waste time on relationships that are O-V-E-R? Maybe it's time for me to check out this audio book again. (Yes, I realize this particular relationship was mostly in my head, but I'm a writer, so I had sub-plots and nuances, it was still a "relationship" albeit imaginary.)
and one that I might add to my GR profile:
The peril of magnificent love by Emma Magenta.
I bought this when I was trying to get rid of the rejection of Tony (yes, the high school guy), Boston, Mr. "All That" (the first time around) and other relationships, all at the same time. I bought a slew of books from Amazon, and this is one of the ones that survived the ever necessary purging. It's a sweet little picture book about what happens when you put that crush on a pedestal, when you become a different person for them, the mind games, and when you finally figure out that all the costumes are pointless. It's a much cuter book than my description, I promise. Here it is on Google Books.
Well, my dears, I better check the laundry again, figure out which items can stay drying in the dryer and which ones should be hung on the line. It's been fun. Shall we meet again soon? Same Bat time, same Bat Channel?
hogs and quiches, SL
3 weeks ago