I get knocked down...

Hmm. Happy Lent. A friend emailed me and said she might consider not blogging for Lent. I have to say the idea intrigues me...I counter-suggested setting up a team blog, but I think that would be too much work.

The OD sent out their "We're not having Ash Wednesday services but here's who is" ON Ash Wednesday. Oh well. When I'm in charge, I'm sure it won't be perfect or on time either (have you met me??)

This is one of my favorite verses and you get a bonus devotional too.

The cold has moved to my chest, oh joy.

The weather here is thunder and snow and now, nothing.

My papa is going to Chicago tomorrow evening to be amongst Presbyterians who care about Colombia, or something like that. He's pretty sure he'll be the only Conservative there. (Most folks will probably be liberal and into liberation theology.) (But I'm not trying to start a fight, here. After all, God isn't a Democrat or a Republican.) Meanwhile, the Columbian Presbyterians (according to my friend Glory) are like, "Is anyone in America preaching the Word?"

I asked my dad if he'd get an extra packet for Glory if there was such a thing. We got to talking about our favorite book, Gilead. Which I didn't know until yesterday that my MOM had also read. My mother, who reads less than my dad. Sis was like, "I think it's the one book she read last year. I think she was the first one to recommend it to me." Sis hasn't read it yet, she's working on something else... But it's very cool to be able to talk about Gilead with my dad--he's been sharing some things that he might not have otherwise shared with me (which is actually what the book is...)

Anyways, I have to go steam myself and then write an article for the Belle on the Women's Gathering. I don't know what I'll do about writing for Lent or not.

I'll also be attempting a few hours at work, y'know, ye olde Library. I did Mother Goose to the tune of 48 folks (34 in session #1, 14 in sesssion #2) with a throat lozenge in my mouth the whole time.

Not blogging for Lent? Who am I kidding? Anyways, have a great day, all.

Rebuilding...

So...I come to this place, (my life) look at the rubble, and realize I have a lot to work with. My support system is better than I thought it was, but also more imperfect (drat!).

Yesterday I had coffee with Pete, who is one of the most hyper down to earth folks I know. He's going to Russia on Thursday and won't be back until March 10th!! But he's a truth teller--he can see into my life and say, um, did you notice? He asked me about my chronic crush habit and asked how long this has been an issue with me (but you don't have to say if you don't want to). I gave him a glance and without blinking, said, "third grade."

We had a laugh over that. Babs came in (yes, we were at Tazza) with Seggie and Terzo, whose hair is super long, even though it's been cut, TWICE! Babs is patently aware of my neuroticism and how I get paranoid if I get out of touch, like if folks don't answer emails, I think they hate me. It's bad. But admitting you have a problem is the first step...

So I'm calling today Health Tuesday. Because I think part of why I've had all these colds is that my soul has been dying inside. I'm an amazing actress--it's my retail training, I think.

You'll notice I've cleaned up my blogroll. Nothing personal, I just need to be alone. But I still need yinz, I'm just trying to figure out what that means.

As I read this, I think, this gal is bonkers!! Which I've known all along, but I think I'm coming clean on that.

So, as your neurotic extroverted introverted blogger who loves people, books, and a quiet movie that makes her howl with laughter, the low maintance girl except for when she's high maintenance...adieu! (for now.)

Just call me "Sneezy."

Okay, it's no fun taking your temperature and having to sneeze while the thermometer is still in your mouth. Or waking up to discover that your comforter is soaking because it spent the night on top of your vaporizor. I do not have a fever but I feel wretched. My throat feels like I swallowed razors. The nurse at the Eckerd Take Care place wouldn't even give me a strep test.

I spent the past half hour over at 50 books where I must have left seven comments.

This is a blog thing that Katy just did. I didn't find it as fun, since, well, read the card.


If you see new immune systems for sale, get one for me and I'll pay you back: this is my second cold in February and at least my third cold for 2007.

Fun with blogthings...I changed some stuff, added some stuff...

Blogthings--love 'em or hate em! But I had my sweet revenge with them this evening, by tweaking the text within the HTML code...because some of the answers they give you are really out there.

Your Brain is Green

Of all the brain types, yours has the most balance. You are able to see all sides to most problems and are a good problem solver. You need time to work out your thoughts, so you don't usually get stuck in bad thinking patterns. You tend to spend a lot of time thinking about the future, philosophy, and relationships (both personal and intellectual), which is why you never return library books on time.

What Color Is Your Brain?

You are a PC

You're practical, thrifty, and able to do almost anything. Although appearances and trends are important to you, you don't let that get in the way of your Free Cell addiction. Mostly, though, you just like to get the job done.

Are You a Mac or a PC?

You Communicate With Your Ears

You love conversations, both as a listener and a talker. What people say is important to you, and you're often most affected by words, not actions. You love to hear compliments from others. And when you're upset, you often talk to yourself. (Sometimes in Spanish, if you're really upset.) Music is very important to you. You wish you had an ipod.

How Do You Communicate?

You Are 74% Sexy

Your Sex Appeal Is: Extremely High You're very sexy. You just have that certain something that takes over a room. You are truly appealing. You know how to attract, entice, and keep whoever you want. However, you have discovered that there aren't too many guys out there you want. Your extremely high standards explain why you haven't had a serious relationship for eight years.

How Much Sex Appeal Do You Have?

You Don't Hold a Grudge

You're willing to give almost anyone a second chance, even if they've really wronged you. Incredibly forgiving and compassionate, you understand that people sometimes change for the better. But you are also very paranoid. You think people have blown you off when in truth they haven't checked their email or they have twenty three feverish children to take care of.

Do You Hold a Grudge?

Your 80s Theme Song Is:

1999 by Prince (not the Y2K version)

What's Your 80s Theme Song?

Your Movie Buff Quotient: 99%

You are definately a movie buff. You've seen many of the great films, and you have developed an expertise in a few genres, such as chick flicks. You haven't seen Casablanca or the LOTR trilogy, but you've seen movies that count, like Metropolitan and Enchanted April.

Are You a Movie Buff?

Your Preppy Name Is...

Eleanor Keating Northrup the Second But most people know you as Tibby

What's Your Preppy Name?

Sunday confessions, a few hours early

A while back (eons, when Glamourose was a hopping blog), Kim and Bec instituted Sunday as "Confessions day." I'll see if I can scare up some links.

Here's one from Bec, and from Suse, and another one from Kim.

So here are a few of mine:

1. Social justice issues scare me. Tonight I was Sally's date (instead of babysitting her children, as her husband wanted to stay home) to a CCO dinner followed by a speaker, Gary something, of IJM ministries. Way to get my attention. Did you know there are 27 million slaves in the world? RIGHT NOW?? The speaker really came full circle, though, telling us the sob stories and then their redemption. He used the story of Jesus feeding the 5,000 with the boy's lunch as inspiration--if only a few people could have a shred of obedience like that boy did, God will show up to do the miracles. But still...scary!! The OD is starting to talk about Social Justice and frankly, I just sometimes want to run in the opposite direction. I. am. such. a. hypocrite.
   
2. I have started ring watching again. You know, when you look at someone's left hand to see if there's a gold or silver band on the ring finger?
3. I am really bad at keeping up with dishes and laundry. If I had babysat, I would have done a load. (Because I wouldn't have had to use quarters to use Sally's washer.)
4. I find it hard to trust people and God. I am learning, but I feel like I've been burned too many times, and so I get really paranoid, really easily.
5. I am a perfectionist. Someone said to me this week, "I find that hard to believe." Well, it's true. My perfectionism may not show up in my apartment, cluttered as it is, but if someone watched me compose a post, or agonize over an email...
6. I have too much stuff. I have for most intents and purposes lived in this apartment for twelve years. That's twelve years of build-up.
7. I don't listen to the news. I turn the radio off on the hour and half hour because I just can't listen to it anymore.
8. I have watched Season One, Disc One of Friends more times than I'd like to admit. I think about the "pretend lives" of Rachel, Joey, Monica, Chandler, Ross and Phoebe a lot, working my brain around a piece of an episode, looking for the kernel of truth.
9. I don't know how to feel about Sex and the City as a Christian woman. There's a post coming on this one. I do not agree with the sexual mores expressed therein, but the story is one of real true (gritty, funny, messy) love if you watch all six seasons. And the friendships among the women are inspiring--wouldn't you like to have friends that you met every Sunday for brunch? I know I would.
10. I expect a lot of my friends. I always have. My mother accuses me of this all the time. And then I realize that maybe hmm, could I be the one in the wrong? Open mouth, insert foot...I sit in front of a computer 90% of my day and I forget that other folks have kids, days off, no Internet at home, no desire to check email umpteen times a day.
    
11. I have watched Twister, The Three Musketeers, You've Got Mail and Runaway Bride more times than I like to admit.
    
12. I play way too much Free Cell.

**********

At the conference, which is run by the Coalition for Christian Outreach, a college ministry to over 70 campuses in 5 states, headquartered in Pittsburgh, I ran into a guy I sort of knew by sight when I lived in Falls Church. He went to a fellowship that I went to, called Kairos. A few years ago, I ran into him at Jubilee and tonight, he was at the same table as Sally and I. He works in the social justice/political justice arena, and as I wailed (well, not quite) that I am scared of all this, and that having a father who worked for the U.S. Government, I am aware that easy answers often aren't. He gave me a wonderful analogy, which I'll share with you. Social justice work is like farming. You are planting seeds. It takes time. It is not quick, like downloading software. I'll expand on that: yelling loud enough, sending off enough letters to politicians, marching for something, being passionate enough--those things don't accomplish the same thing that working at something with humility and persistance does.

I feel that I'm doing this badly. But I don't know how else to do it, right now. This is me, imperfectly saying to you, I am trying and often failing at what I'm trying to accomplish. But I'd like to get better at it. I'd like my life to matter more than just pink shoes and chick lit and all the books that I own. I'd like to have a shred of obedience that my two loaves of bread and five fish, meager as they are, could be used for some good, somewhere, sometime.

Harper Collins...messing experimenting with books

The new paperbacks of the Little House series are out. The covers are photographs of people dressed up to be old fashioned and the Garth Williams illustrations that used to people the books are GONE!

This is worse than when they decided The Magicians Nephew was Book One of the Narnia series!! At least then they kept Pauline Bayne's illustrations!!

Ursula Nordstrom is rolling in her grave, I know it.

*******************

Update: found this wonderful blog (KEWL) and a Harper's editor who has been overseeing the repackaging came in and said, It's only one edition, we're still keeping the editions (paper and hardcover) that have the Garth illustrations. PHEW!!

I happen to be doing Freaky Friday for Mother/Daughter on Saturday and had forgotten how "bad" it was (the mom smokes, there are curse words...) It fits the UN (Ursula Nordstrom) "good books for bad children" oevre. Btw, did you know Mary Rodgers was the daughter of Richard Rodgers (as in R and Hammerstein????) She was very instrumental in putting together Free to be you and me, which shaped my view of the world back in the seventies... (when I was a child.)

Oh, and if you click on the "Nordstrom" part of the U.N. link (above) you'll read one interesting tidbit...UN never went to college!! And this woman shaped how we see Children's Literature today, capital C, capital L.

Autodidacts of the world, rejoice!

Oh, and go visit my darling friend Caro. She just had a birthday, has joined the post-beta Blogger world and changed her moniker from Carolyn to Caro because I had been using it to address her. Little old me!! It boggles the mind!

Footnote: I think I may need to start contributing to Wikipedia--they are such an invaluable source (of most of my links in this post).

Oh, and in case you were keeping track at home: it was either 9 or 6 when I woke up and now it is 13-15 (degrees Fahrenheit).

TGIF, everyone. I may (yeah right) take the weekend off. Hey, it could happen! I just found some parts of the main portion of my "story," the one I'll be using in my application for the MFA.

Chuß! Tschüß (it's pronounced chuss and it's ciao for the German speaking population.)

Be mine...

Show and Tell: A Valentine: new or old

Flowers from my parents. The card reads, "Happy Valentine's Week. Love, Mom and Dad."

Cards from two girlfriends. So that's why she wanted my address!

I also got a few fun e-cards. Hope you got choc'lit...oh, and Happy Birthday to Marian the Librarian, who is again celebrating her 29th birthday. (tee hee!) Tomorrow (the today of you reading this--Thursday the 15th) is Sally's oldest's birthday. I held Zack when he was two days old and living in the neo-natal unit at AGH*. I talked to Sally briefly today (to see what the roads were like in our neighborhood) and to let her know I'd bring something by for Zack soon.

*Allegheny General Hospital, on the Nor' Side.

I'm glad to be home again...

Happy Valentine's Day!!

If you've been here for any length of time, you know that my dad is a true romantic. Um, yes, this is the guy who mailed me a book from Amazon for Valentine's Day. (You know, to a librarian.)

Well, it turns out he also sent me flowers. Which he pretty much does every year. And since I wasn't home last night to receive them, I had to call the guy on the first floor to please bring them in if they needed that.

Yes, everything in Pittsburgh is closed. Well, the library will be open at noon, but we have NEVER in my four years there closed by order of our director b/c of weather, or opened late, so I'll take it.

I'm writing this from my neighbor's computer. She lives five minutes from the library, complete with house, cat, three children, and husband. I have napped on her spare room bed before but never had I spent the night. It's fun to be a part of a family.

Anyways, I did mean to write a little bit more about this day and not the weather. If you've heard this before, you may be excused. When I was in kindergarten, at the ripe age of five, I thought Happy Valentine's Day was like "Have a good day" and regaled my father with said holiday greeting for weeks after the event. So it's a little joke between us--in the heat of summer, we'll say, "Happy Valentine's Day" and it's our little secret.

If I had not spent the night at someone else's house and woken up at someone's house, I might have all pretty graphics n'stuff. But going to work late is enough for me. Although I've just been informed that it's eleven, so I better think about getting ready...

Weather update...

So it took me ten more minutes travel time to get here. Total, more, because I had to stop in Oakland to drop something up and at Northway Mall to pick something up.

The library is closing at 5 and I have not one but two offers for a place to stay tonight!!

My goal today: to finish the Superman DVDs.

TTFN!

Oh, show and tell (Thursday) is a Valentine. Old or new.

Contentment is a pearl of great price...

(John Balguy)

It's snowing here. The schools are closed, my car is covered with snow, WBS is cancelled and I have a choice!!

I can get dressed and go to work and then I'll have a free evening, maybe even go to Trialogue, or I can while the morning away.

I think it is good news when given that choice, I'm looking at the clock and thinking, yeah, if I leave now, I'll be home around six p.m.

Who writes this? Looking forward to going out into the weather, into the snow? To work?

A crazy girl: me!

I've come to it: I really love my life. There are a few things I'd tweak, but for the most part, I'm a happy (joyful) girl (woman).

I've been listening to Jamie O'Neal (There is no Arizona). She's got a great way of rendering songs.

Well, um, gotta go! Cuz there are boxed sets of Superman movies to catalogue. Oh, and a car to clean off, first.

Blogger's block?

I have just put five posts back on the draft board. And Leno isn't doing Headlines because last night was the Grammy's, so Chris Isaacs did a reel from the red carpet.

Nicholas Cage is on. I'm not crazy about him.

According to the top of my Snapple tea from Friday night, Americans spend more than $630 million on golf balls. It's a "Real Fact."

Scrubs is on FOX.

Commercial.

This is what happens when I spend the day being an extrovert.

Another commercial.

More Scrubs.

Okay, it truly is blog block. Anyways, happy Monday. Tomorrow I'll announce Show and Tell.

Yeah, I actually don't think it's going to work out, but I'm pulling for you, Ru.

(Phillip Seymour Hoffman as Sandy Lyle in Along Came Polly)

I love this line from Along Came Polly, a movie I only watched because a co-worker recommended it, who loves Ben Stiller. This guy, Reuben (Ben Stiller) is a risk analyst and he does everything cautiously. In walks Polly (Jennifer Aniston), who walks to the beat of shall we say, a different drummer? Polly introduces Reuben to Latin dancing, spicy food, and her blind ferret.

The whole movie you're right there with Phillip (we're likethis) saying "I don't see this happening." I mean, c'mon!!

**********SPOILER ALERT****************

Ben and Jen end up together--it's a beautiful crazy chaotic thing.

******************************************

I've been thinking about age lately (well, I did just have a birthday.) And it occurs to me that if you were to count my life in growth spurts, I'd probably really be 25. I've had to spend so much energy smoothing out my bumpy road that I haven't really been doing things that women my age are doing: buying houses, having their third child, getting job promotions.

Cue Rascal Flatts' song, God Bless the Broken Road...

And I am fine, working the mommy track at the library (yes, that's what this laissez-faire system of flex time is called.) I am happy at my job. I am happy in my apartment. I do not want to have to pay for a new roof, furnace, or think about siding.

I've been reading this great book, The Joy of Doing Things Badly. Actually, I haven't been reading it lately, because it is lost somewhere in my apartment. Probably in a purse I haven't used in weeks. But when I find it, I'll tell you more about it, because that Veronica Chambers is my hero. She is not afraid to live her life.

Right now, I'm still reading How to be Perfect by Jean Kerr and loving it. Oh, and I finished Good Will (the second novella in the collection by Jane Smiley called Ordinary Love and Good Will). Heartbreaker, but oh so good.

(That part was written in November.)

I have now just finished Gilead. It was so good that from Etna to twenty minutes later--it only takes me seven minutes to get home from Etna--I was sobbing. The first three quarters are slow and plotless but meandering. Best suited for audio books, actually. Believe me, it is SO worth the wait. And last night I had dinner at C&A's. Cameron has finished it, Amber has not, so we couldn't fully talk about it, but, we were able to talk about another amazing book, East of Eden. And then my phone rang. It was my dad, calling from Dallas. (They're most likely in Austin now.)
Today will be cooking, something, for the community dinner, and breakfast. I need sustenance! So here are a few pictures:

To remind me to work on my writing...

This was taken at my library, from the parking lot...

I think boys kids are playing hockey on Lake Carnegie. I would if I was a boy kid.

So, yes, yesterday, I worked a full day, I finished Gilead, I walked on water (albeit frozen) and had a lovely evening among friends. Maybe February isn't all bad. Lilly and I have sworn off boys and are going to Panera or something for Valentine's Day.

We're in the double digits: it's a balmy 11! Here's the Mama Said post...(updated)

Mama said to me last night (from a hotel in Memphis), no more crying. Well, she got me at the right time--I got my hair trimmed and a manicure and I had sesame chicken for dinner. The only thing that could have improved things was if I had eaten my dinner with chopsticks.

So I watched "Failure to Launch" last night--love that flick! and I crawled under the covers.

Wisdoms from my Mama:

If you can't make a mistake, you can't make anything.

From the story "The Tortoise and the Hare," came this one: Slow and steady wins the race.

Laugh about it.

Make sure you marry a Christian.

Actions speak louder than words. This one came to me as I was having dinner with C&A. It's like the most "Mama" of them all, but somehow I forgot it.

When I was in fourth grade, she taught me to say the 23rd psalm at bedtime. It has been a great comfort to me.

My mother is more famous for her songs, though. She's a very private woman and she does not suffer fools. It has taken us thirty some years to come to a place where we speak each other's language.

It's been my dad who has doled/or not relationship advice. He's the one who said to me, "Mama said there'd be days like this," though my mama had said no such thing.

Some of my mama's songs:

Old King Cole was a merry old soul, and they threw him out the window!

And this might be my favorite. Kiki knows it for sure:

"Oh the cannibal king with the big nose ring

went out with a dusty maid
And every night by the pale moonlight
Across the lake he came
He hugged and kissed his pretty little miss
under the bamboo tree
and every night by the pale moonlight
it sounded like this to me
a-rum, a-rum
a-rum-bahdy-ahdy-ay-a-a
a-rum, a-rum,
a-rum-bahdy-ahdy-ay" (click the link for the rest...)

And this one: "I do nothing nothing nothing, I do nothing all day long,
I do absolutely nothing, how do you like my nothing song?"
(It's one of those 'second verse, same as the first, a little bit louder
and a little bit worse' songs)

And this one: Down by the old mill creek,
where I first met you.
With your eyes so blue,
Dressed in gingham too.
It was there I knew,
that you loved me true.
You were sixteen,
My (words? what are the words) queen, down by the old mill stream.

Then you sing it faster, like this:

Down by the old (not the new but the old) mill stream
(not the river but the stream)
Where I first (not last but first) met you (not me but you)
With your eyes (not your ears) so blue (not green but blue)...

und so wieta. (and so on, in German.) (I may have mispelled it.)

I gotta get ready for work. My mama loves me, all is well with the world.
And if you ain't got a mama, mine will sing silly songs to you too.

Btw, my nails look sooo glamorous. The manicure was truly restorative.
So, as my father would say,
"Moooving right along..."

And I have no clue why Blogger is messing with the fonts here. Whateve!! It also was messing
with the margins...anyways. Mooving right along.

Oh, and DON'T spill my coffee!

Temperature Watch: it's a balmy 6 degrees

Just in case you were keeping track at home...

I tried everything to make myself feel better. I even tried writing a song about it... but... I can't think of anything that rhymes with un-hh!!

(Lisa Kudrow as Phoebe Buffay, Friends, Season Nine, "The one with the Memorial Service")

I'm having one of those weeks.

And I learned yesterday the hard way that I need to have a Bible at my desk.

So today, when I flipped it open, it opened to Joshua Chapter 1. It's when Moses is dead and the Israelites have to go into the Promised Land. In verses 6-9, the LORD said to Joshua son of Nun THREE TIMES: Be strong and courageous.

So I'll say it here, because this blog is really more me talking to me than anything else:

Be strong and courageous.
Be strong and very courageous.
Be strong and courageous.

Un-hh......

The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you.
He will quiet you with his love,
He will rejoice over you with singing. (Zephaniah 3:7)

So I can walk through the knives of my current situation, possibly needing to have these verses pinned to my shirt...

Be strong, all you people of the land, declares the LORD, and work. For I am with you, declares the LORD Almighty...my Spirit remains among you. Do not fear. (Haggai 2:4-5)

Except that this seems my current reality:

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do... (Romans 7:14)

But this is assurance:

We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him. (Romans 8:28)

and this one:

If God is for us, who can be against us? (Romans 8:31)

and this one:

Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present or the future, nor any powers, neither height or depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39)

Our Internet connection was down (on purpose) at work for about a half hour. So I had to use the Dewey books instead of WebDewey to check numbers. But that only used up 5 minutes. Then I spent some time chatting with our intern, Hannah. She's from Seattle, but currently in library school at Pitt.

I'm working on bringing in the OCLC record for the second Superman movie, a 2 DVD set. It is super-annoying.

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. (Psalm 23:1)

I have to say at this moment, it is taking every cell in my soul to say, "Yeah, right!"

But I have to cling to the truth, which is that I have a great job, a great apartment, great friends, and I didn't go to bed hungry. Actually, I went to bed stuffed, because we all went to the Sharp Edge after the community meeting. And I still came home and cried my eyes out. But at least the reason had changed...

Oh, and for some reason, my father decided, after years of sending me flowers on Valentine's Day (last year it was forced bulbs) that this year, he'd send me a book. Which I got yesterday. I'm a librarian! I know how to use Amazon! But it is a book he'd given me and then absconded with: Jungle Pilot by Nate Saint (one of the guys that was killed in Ecuador by that tribe of Indians, you know, the whole End of the Spear crew.)

What, are you chicken?

This chicken is also a kitchen timer.

This makes me happy. So I had to take a picture, naturally. Happy Thursday.

Show and Tell: A chicken

And I found some more gifts I bought for the sibs--one is a chicken for Sis!! (Which will not be shown here until after I see her which will be Feb 28, my mama's birthday!!!)

Oh, and in case you were keeping track, it's 4 degrees out there. Ugh.

At one point, it was +16 F!!

But as I was driving home at 8:45 pm, it was +9 Fahrenheit at the YMCA marquee.

Today was a day to try a soul. Nothing in particular that happened except that this afternoon I dissolved. I try to keep a positive outlook, but this life seems so wearing... (wearing pink shoes??)

So, a few good things from today:

• I lost in Sorry! to a tyrannical six year old who would have played all my plays had I not exerted myself a little bit. (I babysat for a few hours after work.)
  
• I got something in the mail, well, two things. My Vitamin B-12, and a button from Paula. It is beautiful and I am wearing it now (it's a necklace).
  
• Minerva Louise has a new book out, and it's about Easter. Eggs, mostly, and chocolate bunnies--it is the cutest book ever. I adore Minerva Louise.
• I had 32 for the first session of what our maintenance guy calls "Duck Duck Goose" and 15 for the second. (I don't count adults and children separately--I count the adults and multiply by two, more or less. The more or less is b/c some moms bring more than one child and some children bring more than one adult.) We sang, and marched around the room, and did "The Grand Old Duke of York" and "I'm a Little Tea Pot."
• Marian and I had lunch at the drug store counter as is our custom and I was reminded that next Wednesday (Valentine's Day) is her birthday. The next day is Sally's boy Zack's sixth birthday--I saw him and held him when he was two days old and in an incubator at Allegheny General Hospital. He was so small then and now, so big. I love driving past AGH, to remember that day.
  
• While I did have a minor meltdown a few minutes ago and a major one at about 4:30 p.m., I have been encouraged and I know I am loved both by my friends and through the words in my much marked up Bible. This too shall pass. February is just a bad month for depression. It just is.
  

But I'm sad that it is too late to call my mama. She and my dad are off to Austin tomorrow to drive a car to my brother.

Tomorrow we have our community meeting at the OD. I love my church, but those meetings make me feel so lonely and afterwards I generally come home and cry in my pillow. (We're a great church with great dreams and ideals and yet the reality is that I still feel so alone there.) I've invited a few folks (I'm not ready to call them all friends as I feel we're still in that nascent stage) to join me for a beer afterwards. So far I have one "maybe."

My downstairs neighbor left a message on my machine that I had been waking her up with my stomping around and slamming doors--I had no idea I'd been doing this--living with people is not easy, let me tell you. I think I'll take my boots off downstairs from now on--there's no way to tiptoe in them, there just isn't.

This is one of my favorite passages, and though it's sort of depressing, I love it, to think of doing things before things break, knowing that they always in the end, do.

1 Remember your Creator
in the days of your youth,
before the days of trouble come
and the years approach when you will say,
"I find no pleasure in them"-

6 Remember him—before the silver cord is severed,
or the golden bowl is broken;
before the pitcher is shattered at the spring,
or the wheel broken at the well,

7 and the dust returns to the ground it came from,
and the spirit returns to God who gave it. (Ecclesiastes 12:1, 6-7. NIV)

I hope it is warm, wherever this finds you. Hug that person or cat or dog or teddy bear that you're with.

It's +9 Degrees!! We're having a heat wave, a tropical heatwave!!

Now, of course, I can't get that Carmen Miranda song out of my mind. But these past coupla weeks have felt like Grumpy Old Men (except that Ann-Margret didn't move in next door.)

Show and Tell (I forgot to announce it yesterday) is chickens. Yes, I know we've done them before, but I didn't get to show the oevre of my collection and it will give Paula a chance to just re-post her last one.

Off to prepare for work: today is Mother Goose!!

It's snowing a little here. Last night we got a dusting, so I had to clean off my car for the drive home. I got to Whole Foods right before the "It's 9:45" announcement. I got home at 10:04 and my mother (who doesn't have caller ID) answered, "Hello Sarah Louise." (Well, no, she used my real name, but anyways.)

I love my mama, I truly do. She was fun on the phone--"I'm going to hang up now!" and she didn't. I think playfulness is a very important part of a parent-child relationship, even when the people we're talking about are in their thirty-somethings and sixty-somethings. But whose keeping score? I feel like 25 and she could easily pass for 49.

Okay, enough procrastination...Ciao!

Tuesday Blues...

Or maybe not. After all, I've just had my Wendy's dinner: Junior Cheesburger Deluxe and a plain potato, two sour creams, and an iced tea. And I filled my tank (the top half) at $2.14, which is pretty good. It's about 10 degrees Fahrenheit out there.

We did in fact have Women's Bible Study, woo hoo! Which was good, because it was the sort of chapter you really wanted to discuss with others...

Afterwards, I went to lunch at Chili's. A dear friend waitresses there, and I think there is a special place in heaven for waitresses. I was so discombobulated (being with the women at Bible Study sometimes dissolves me to pieces...*) that she basically picked out my lunch for me, bless her! And she kept the decaf coming.

I've been listening to Gilead on CD in my car and so my music choice is only the radio (which is dying a slow death--I can't even get AM Radio) I dare not take the CDs out so as to lose my place... It is a wonderful book, tender, gruff, exhortational, and just plain crazy. An eighty year old preacher who is about to die is writing a book length letter to his now 7 year old son, a letter that he hopes the boy will read when he is older. It is heartbreaking and wonderful--and yes, it won the Pulitzer. I can only take it in doses, before I have to listen to something like "Good Golly Miss Molly" or something bright.

I love my job. I love my apartment. I love Pittsburgh. But I don't have as much as a cat (nor would my garret support such an acquisition.) So I am contemplating whether I should move South of the Mason Dixon Line to be closer to my parents. I'm not moving quickly on this, as it could just be the doldrums of February encroaching on me. (April is NOT the cruelest month--it's most definately February.)

Well, my dinner break is over, so back to work. I have some interesting titles and quotes to share with yinz later.

Keep on keeping on--stay on the sunny side, always on the sunny side of life... (for Kiki, who taught me that song)

*I've been hiding my pain at WBS since September, but today I shared that being not the youngest member anymore but still the only un-married, childless woman is a bit like a being a barren woman at a baby shower. I blubbered. Much Kleenex was used. I got prayed for but I didn't get hugs. I would have liked hugs. (Demanding, aren't I??)

I can see clearly now...

What do I love about winter? The whiteness. The austerity. Yes, it is cold, but very uncluttered. You can see through the trees because there are no leaves. And right now the hills are covered in white snow or icicles. This morning, on the way to the chiropractor, the Allegheny River was almost completely frozen over. And on the way home, the air was warmer than the river, because there was steam coming off the ice. It might have been the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, and it reminded me of Genesis chapter 1, verse 2, "while the mighty wind swept over the waters." (NAB Translation)

School is cancelled for the second day in a row here in da Burgh. Monday is a day off for me, and I spent it cleaning the garret, napping, and doing homework for Women's Bible Study, which probably won't meet tomorrow, as school is cancelled. I also drove a friend home to Mt. Washington. That was a treat. I love driving around town and now that I spend so much time commuting to the North Hills, I don't see the grandeur that is this great city as often as I'd like. So I'm grateful that I have friends I can give rides to.

Today was a day of much soul searching and intense emails and phone conversations. And I labored over the Bible study homework. And I listened to Michael W. Smith's Worship album. The result? I think everything is going to be okay. Not in a Pollyanna sense, but in a real sense. I don't know when, or where, or how (especially how--as Babs would say, have you met me? And have you met the world we live in?) but I am confident:

Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,

18 yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.

19 The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights. (Hab. 3:17-19, NIV)

I checked a coupla blogs that have been dormant for awhile and was rewarded with new content. (Yay!) Tomorrow is another day...in eight minutes. I plan to be asleep very soon.

It's -2 degrees out there...

There's a project I've been working on. Yesterday, I discovered that it was still in the very nascent stages, when I thought it was MUCH further along. That's life. But there has been a major breakthrough, because of some risks I took, so that's good.

So, in lieu of the "Mama said" post, which will come soon, I promise, I offer you this quote from Helen Hayes. It was the Monday "Financial Quote" from Women's Wall Street, an online newsletter I get. May it cheer you too--that hard work can sometimes be its own reward:

"My mother drew a distinction between achievement and success. She said that 'achievement is the knowledge that you have studied and worked hard and done the best that is in you. Success is being praised by others, and that's nice, too, but not as important or satisfying. Always aim for achievement and forget about success.'"

Oh, and in case you've been living under a hole, the Colts won. Oh well.

In other news, I got myself some grocery store tulips. I put them in the vase Kristin got me for my birthday, which was made for tulips. Mayhap I'll post a picture later. But now, I'm off to cajole my car into starting so I can go to the chiropractor.

It's eight degrees out there, I don't want to know the wind chill, thankyouverymuch!

And I'll be at church at night, without the advantage of the sun. Yeah, this will be layer city, I'm thinking...

So a few words on blogging. I have added a few to the right (and I still laugh at when I first did a post on adding things to the left and Poppy was like, um, is your screen aligned differently?).

I have been spending the morning at Poppy's. We're kindred for many reasons, including she is also a Sagittarius. I sometimes worry about how I spend too much time on one blog, commenting five times in one day, are they going to think I'm stalking them? Because, truly, I'm not. I'm just bored out of my gourd, this being the fifth day of this cold and I've only been out of the house twice. (Friday, to spend some much needed time with my peeps, and Saturday to work a few hours and grocery shop.)

Yesterday I wrote a rant about how everyone in Pittsburgh has their family nearby (except lil ole me). It was a little too ranty for my own taste, I may tone it down and take it out of drafts. I'm also crafting a post on "Mama Said" because mine is the smartest woman in the world. Or so she claimed, when I was in fourth grade. Nowadays she denies that she is the SWITW, but to me, she always will be. In my real world, I'm working on a "positive piece" about the bus crisis in da Burgh to publish over at I heart PGH. I will not be publishing it under Sarah Louise, or linking it to this blog, but you're smart enough to figure out how to find it, I'm thinking. While I do not currently ride the bus in da Burgh, buses are an integral part of this vibrant city and...well, they just can't take away 100 routes without a fight!!

My diet is pretty much oatmeal and ramen soup, clementines, water, and zinc. Although the zinc is not really helping--it usually clips the main pain of the cold after the first day and hasn't this time...

So, I have added on the left, I mean the right, Colin, a student at MIT. Found him through Pat and Adrian. There's this fun Pittsburgh expatriate vibe going with Adrian and Colin...anyways.

Also, Jenny. She is a hockey mom and very funny. The meme below this post is one I swiped from her.

Let's see, oh, I added Paula's photo blog, Finding Beauty, to the "Bohemian Shoes" area. I'm considering stopping the whole "Shoes categories" because I have a definate order in which I read them--it should be like "Everyday shoes" "Once a month shoes" "Once a week shoes." Because some of my friends don't update but every two months (but I still love them to pieces!!) I think there is a way to fix the HTML (maybe with RSS) so that you can see which ones have updated (because Bloglines is like crack for me--a bad idea) I think the PCUSA blog has that going on. Maybe since I'm homebound AGAIN today I'll work on that. Or maybe not. I feel a nap coming on...

Also, church is during the SB, but GO BEARS!! I wonder if You Tube has the Superbowl Shuffle...

(The super-fun music video was pulled due to copyright worries, but this gives you an idea at least...)

Names... (swiped from Jenny)

Thanks Jenny!

I used my real name, not Sarah Louise. My real first name is 25th in popularity for U.S. first names, and 99.9% of people with my first name are girls. Well, Johnny Cash did write that song "A boy named Sue."

My last name, and this will surprise no one that knows it, is 75677th most popular last name. There are about 330 people in the U.S. with my last name. I remember being so grateful when my brother was born, that I didn't have to carry on the family name, though if I publish something before I get married, (or not) I'll use it for publication, as I've been told it's a great name for a kid's writer.

The way I spell my name is not my given name, so there are 0 people in the USA with my name. "While both names you entered were found in our database, neither was common enough to make it likely that someone in the U.S. has that name."

Results on Sarah Louise (Sarah as first name, Louise as last name):

Sarah is 58th in popularity.
There are 2 people in the USA that actually have that first, last name.

Sarah Louise as a first name: no one!! From the FAQs:

• Around 1 out of every 10 people will have a first name not on the list.

Using the same statistical fallacy this site is known for, that means about 81% of people will have both names on the list. In a mathematical coup our scientists have determined from this information that about 19% of people will have either one or both names missing from the list.

"I think it's important not to take it as a rejection of you personally."
Gabriel Caine -- Diggstown.

This was very entertaining!! Some of you know I have been mired down with a cold the past coupla days. I finally went in to work for a few hours (yes, that's all I lasted, but I got some stuff done, and I think all that activity sponsored my six hour afternoon nap--yay!) Also, I had excellent dreams, in which I had fun with folks I haven't seen/talked to in ages. Although, I was wearing weird shoes...I wonder what that means...

And if you can't see the first image, I can't either. Blogger is just being...Blogger. It says "There is one person with my name in the USA." Which is actually false. There's someone with a doctorate in butterflies or something...I googled it, ages ago!!

Hope College and me: Six degrees of Separation

You might be familiar with the game, Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon. There's even a book! You might even be familiar with the play which became a movie, Six Degrees of Separation.

Well, in Pittsburgh, there's only one degree, usually. We're a city with a small town feel. (For instance, I just transferred a hold on a book from our library that will go to another Allegheny County consortia library--for a woman I went to library school with.)

But, you might be asking, right about now, "SL, I have no clue WHAT you are talking about." Okay. So. Degrees of separation: there's a theory that everyone can connect themselves to everyone else by six degrees of separation.

When we lived in Poland, I got to shake Bush Sr.'s hand as well as Lech Walesa's hand. So that would put me one degree of separation between Bush Sr. and one degree of separation of separation from Lech Walesa. Since Bush Sr. is the father of Bush Jr., our current president, I am two degrees of separation from Bush Jr.

Okay. So, of all the places I've been, of all the connections I've made, the connection that has brought the most connections is Hope College, the alma mater of my grandparents (who met there and later got married) my parents (who met there and much later got married) and my brother (still single, and living in Austin).

Hope did send me my first college acceptance letter, but I decided to not attend due to many factors. I have one or two regrets: I always wanted to have a radio show, which my brother did and I'm pretty sure my dad did too. Also, Holland, Michigan is a super cool place with a ton of taquerias. (This is due to the fact that Heinz has their pickle picking operation there--a lot of Mexican migrant workers came up and stayed and so there is a large Mexican community in Holland) (Michigan!! not the Netherlands). My dad quips that the pickle pickers became pickle packers. There is no welfare system--local churches and civic organizations pick up the slack for community needs. Also, this a weekend in January, (THIS POST IS FROM 1/13/07) the college is hosted a symposium with such giants as Lauren Winner (Girl Meets God) , Donald Miller (Blue like Jazz) , and Jars of Clay (the band? I'm sure you've heard of them). Oh, and Derek Webb, formerly of Caedman's Call.

My cousin used to be the president of Western Theological Seminary, which is in Holland, Michigan, home of Hope College. He has had major correspondence with the author of Housekeeping and the more recent Pulitzer Prize Winning (and amazing--I'm reading it now) Gilead, so that would be two degrees of separation: My cousin, 1, Marilynne Robinson, 2.

Sufjan Stevens, the sweetheart of indy music, went to Hope College. I have been to the café his best friend runs, Lemonjellos. I even have a bumper sticker on my car. So that would be the café, 1, the owner of the café, 2, Sufjan Stevens, 3.

Or, I'll be at a party and start talking to someone. "Where are you from" is my opener (I find it's much more interesting that "What do you do?") and inevitably I'll meet someone who says, I went to school in Michigan. Oh really, what school? I've met at least five people from Hope College this way.

Oh, how could I forget the Beleza Seven? My brother is friends with every one of the seven Hope graduates that formed a community coffee house on the North Side of Pittsburgh. I've been there once--and it was so much fun saying to the girl behind the counter, "Do you know (my brother's name)?" "Yes..." "Well, I'm his sister, and this is his mom, and his dad." My mom even got a picture with the girl, whose name escapes me, but apparently my brother was one of her first friends at Hope College.

Other connections? Robert Schuller, the televangelist who hosts the Hour of Power from the Crystal Cathedral once spent a summer working for an aunt of mine. Both he and his son went to Hope.

Lynne Stewart didn't graduate from Hope, but neither did my aunt. They were, however, roommates at Hope in the early 1960s.

Um, also, for those of us who were the person of the year for 2006, we share that title with Rob Malda, creator of Slashdot, which pretty much revolutionized this thing we call the blog. Yep, he went to Hope.

This is all very fun for me, because unless you're from Pittsburgh, you've never heard of Carlow College University (where I spent my first two years of college) and unless you're from Maryland you've never heard of Washington College (my Alma mater).

I cling to the greatness of Hope College...

"Nice brain"

Show and tell: bumper stickers

I didn't say it had to be on your car!! This was a gift from my boss. If you can read the small print, it says, "In books we trust." Apparently I at one time mentioned that I liked hers (on her bulliten board at work) and so when she was at ALA's Midwinter Conference, she got me one.

If it weren't really cold outside and I didn't have a touch of the sniffles, I'd take a picture of my own car bumper. On it are four bumper stickers. They are: Lemonjello's, Sunoco, Union Project, and "Love Falls Church."

Lemonjello's is this coffee house in Holland, Michigan. My brother's band played there. My brother's band was called The Nixon Administration. Isn't that a cool name for a band? (Stay tuned for corrections: I may have gotten the wrong president.) Sufian Steven's best friend owns Lemonjello's, stay tuned for a Hope College post.

Sunoco? No, I do not care that they sponsor NASCAR, (sorry Paula) but they were sponsoring a contest a few years back where if they spotted a sticker on your car, you got free gas. Um, I drive at least an hour each day (to and from my workplace), so that sounded cool. You'll see some trucks with four and five Sunoco stickers.

Union Project? The building where my church, The Open Door, meets. Plus, it's a cool logo.

"Love Falls Church"? It's a play on words, sort of. Falls Church (Episcopal) is the church for which the town where my parents live was named. George Washington, our first President, was a vestryman there. The bumper sticker is vague: are you supposed to love the church or the town? Well, I love the town, I hope my parents never move, (unless they move to Pittsburgh).

My father is against bumper stickers. On your car, at least. So my brother had at least ten on the minivan that he drove in college.

My dad and I have been talking about third world debt and the IMF. I am so grateful to have him to talk to about these things. I invited him to come speak at the OD, which he had already considered...he was at a book signing yesterday for Tony Campolo ('s new book, I assume) and since there were only eight people there, he got to ask TC a question. So he asked him about the IMF. My dad is the greatest.

(IMF=International Monetary Fund. Our church recently had a speaker from Jubilee and a bunch of us are wondering if Jubilee is the best way to go in terms of social justice. From my dad's considerable research, it seems not. It seems that Jubilee would be one of the organizations rioting at the IMF meetings.)

The IMF has conditionalities (like balanced budgets) and from what my dad could see on the Jubilee website, Jubilee doesn't like that. I have more info in emails from my dad if anyone's interested. (And wouldn't it be great to have my dad speak at the OD????)

And this just in: HP #7 will be out on 7.21.07. Read up on Book Seven, thanks to Gina (who is writing again at BTS, woo hoo!)

Show and tell: Bumper Stickers!

Thursday's assignment: a picture of a bumper sticker. Or more than one. See you then!

God in every portion of my life...

True confessions?

I am addicted to email. I crave comments. I often will come to the computer first in the morning.
I am trying to break that. This morning I read from God Calling, which is a unique devotional. Two women in England worked together to hear God's will and from it came this devotional. From the Introduction, written by Two Listeners (who choose to remain anonymous), "To this day, I cannot get guidance in this way alone. But with my friend a very wonderful thing happened. From the first, beautiful messages were given to her by our Lord Himself, and every day from then, these messages have never failed us."

Now, I have another admission. I thought today was January 29. So I read that passage, where it says "Never fear, whatever may happen. You are both being led. Do not try to plan. I have planned. You are the builder, not the Architect. (it continues on...) All is well."

Then I spent some time in the Psalms and in Acts, then back to Psalms, where I found a post-it I had written myself on December 4th of last year. And since I have a few minutes, I want to share with you something I have seen happen in my life, in hopes that it might help you too.

The post-it urged me to write in my blog about what I call "ex-boyfriend days." I have in my life had at least three of them. Days where I had to face the boogeyman and I felt I couldn't bear it but I did. I have not always been wise in relationships, but I have relied on the little wisdom I could, and guidance from God.

The most vivid time in my remembrance was about this time of year, many years ago. At the time, I worked at Fox Books, and a man I had dated previously came into the store with his father. I was shook up, understandably, because I had no desire for this man to be in my life again. I went back to the break room for my break and a friend and co-worker was eating a piece of banana cream pie. He could see I was shook up and though I don't remember what I told him regarding my being shook up, he offered me a bite of his banana cream pie. I remember that act of kindness more than all the other things this man did before and after to woo me, as we did eventually become a couple, for the course of a year. It was a relationship that taught me many things and broke me, too.

As a result of that break-up (from the man with the banana cream pie) I went into a dark time. It was the spring I was diagnosed with clinical depression. I couldn't eat, sleep, work--because I had wanted for months to break up with this man, as I felt our purposes were opposite. He did not want to be a Christian, nor was he, and that tore me up. But he wouldn't let me break up with him. So we stumbled, for months, and I got worse. Finally, he broke up with me because "I had changed." So in the darkest hour, when I needed someone most, he let me go. I was devastated and angry, because I had been trying to break up with HIM, and now he was claiming what I thought had been rightfully mine, the choice of whether or not to be in this relationship.

The depression turned out to be the beginning of my diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder. My parents took me back to Virginia temporarily and then quasi-permanently. I stayed in Virginia for three years. I know that those years, trying as they were, saved the precarious relationship I had with my parents.

I say it flippantly, because I've passed that, but I had felt in my life that they had abandoned me. This is the phrase I can now say with a smile, jokingly, "When I graduated from high school, I moved to Pittsburgh, and my parents moved to Poland. When I graduated from college, I moved back to Pittsburgh, and my parents moved to Brazil. When I went to graduate school, I moved to Pittsburgh. When I graduated, I wondered if they would move again. Instead, they took me to Canada." I have loved Niagara Falls ever since, though I've only been once. It was the happy ending--I could graduate from somewhere and it didn't mean my parents were going to be in a different time zone, thousands of miles away.

But that is another story. Back to Mr. Banana Cream Pie. Almost three years later, after I had been in Virginia a while, and working happily again at Fox Books, he walked into my store. With his wife. I knew he was married. I saw him and I knew it was him. I could have let him walk away. But I felt that I had to face this fear. He had no way of knowing that I would be there. And I trembled. But I knew that this was a chance for me to show courage.

A friend and co-worker happened to be working the cash registers the day that I saw Ted and his wife. I'd had a crush on him for a long time, and it seemed mutual. I felt that he was safe. His presence, knowing that he might never know his presence gave me courage, gave me courage. I said to W, I need to go say hello to someone. I walked over to the Starbucks where Ted stood in line with his wife. We had often addressed each other by last name when we dated, flippantly, so I addressed him this way. "Mr. Cook?" He was so surprised that he used that voice that he only used when he was very surprised and trying to cover up. It was a fake deep voice. I met his wife, wished them both well, and trembling, went back to the cash registers where W was oblivious. But his presence had given me courage to face my boogeyman. For that I am forever grateful. Months later, we started dating, and it didn't work out, as I moved back to Pittsburgh for grad school. We tried the long distance thing, but the truth was I wanted him to be a Christian and he wanted me to live in Virginia.

I haven't dated since. I haven't met anyone who was willing to risk. Who made me laugh. Who, yes, shared my faith, as I did become convicted that that was a clear need in someone I date.

Relationships are hard. They hurt. People are not perfect. I have often idealized my "Prince Charming" only to realize he had feet of clay. But I want him, clay feet and all. Because I know that two are better than one. And that a cord of three strands (an analogy often used in weddings, to signify the couple's relationship with God as the third cord) is strongest.

As I come into this next February of my life, I wonder at the risks I might take. Are they worth it? And are they MY plan, or my Architect's?

I know only this: All is well. All shall be well. All manner of things shall be well, no matter what. My creator said so.

My dad, newspaper reader and general information source...

...cracks me up.

I had to search for an article he recommended to me, because he thought it might be too tacky to email it to his two single daughters. It's from the New York Times Books section, on how text messaging, emails, and blogs have changed dating. (I won't link it because then this post might get linked back to the article--gotta love the Internet.) But you can search it--the title is below. It was in today's paper.

My dad (actually both of my parents) are so careful to not express their desire for us girls (and our brother) to find mates. My mother reprimanded my dad the day he casually mentioned I could get married at the National Cathedral (where he is a tour guide). It's a moot point, as I would only want to get married at Bellefield, since I consider it my home church, but the mere suggestion was out of character for my dad who goes out of his way to not suggest that I might want to find a man.

So the only way I found out about this article was through a conversation he and I had about dating, a topic I brought up. (It is February, after all.) My dad and I also discussed third world debt and the scientist/doctor who revolutionized treatment for ALD (if you've ever seen Lorenzo's Oil, he's the aloof doctor). Hugo Moser died a few days ago. He was actually a good guy but let Hollywood demonize him (and give him a pseudonym) if that would make people outraged and interested in the ALD movement. My dad and I often have conversations like this, where the main thread is all of the articles he's read and/or emailed to me. Right now I have him on a research trip to find out more about third world debt and debt forgiveness. I'm saving up for a post on that topic--you there, in the back row, tell me that wasn't a stifled yawn...

The article, called "Mars and Venus, Coping with the 21st Century" reviews two books, one of which is called...wait for it...

The Joy of Text: Mating, Dating and Techno-Relating

and talks about how long you should wait for a return text message, email message, and that in the interest of not having what you've said via email displayed on someone's blog, you should be careful to not be too provocative. Yikes! What happened to passing notes in class? When I wrote a "I have a crush on you" note to Jason in 10th grade, his friends read it too, (HUMILIATION galore) but it didn't get forwarded through email or posted on the Internet. I might add that you won't likely find me posting any information about my own endeavors in that venue. I feel that the past is the past and so I do feel at liberty to share some details, changing the names, etc. etc. But neither my social life nor any gossipy tidbits are the subject of this blog. (As the creator, I can change those rules, but that is the current modus operandi.) I may be Sarah Louise to you, but there are many who read this that know who I am in "the real world" and I choose to keep some things unsaid.

Though I am dying for some advice right now. I feel a little bit like Meg Ryan in "You've Got Mail," being so careful to not talk about particulars or specifics.

*******
I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So goodnight, dear void.

(Nora and Delia Ephron, from You've Got Mail.)

Real book titles and bizarre Dewey Decimal Numbers...

Knitting with balls : a hands-on guide to knitting for the modern man. Cover description reads: "Witty, modern approach to men's knitting, whether you are a seasoned knitter or a new recuit. It's the perfect guide for the female yarn addict in search of a cool gift for her guy, or for members of the growing band of male knitters."

646.3087 Clothing for gifted persons

659.136 Advertising by electric signs

*********

In the meantime, I'm on the sofa. Twister is in the VCR. And I finally got my copy of Ankeny Briefcase!!

mtc (more to come, borrowed from kim and/or bec)

Open Letters

Dear Madison Avenue (and all the advertisers you represent):

I am so sick of hearing about debt-loss, weight-loss, and online dating. Give it a rest. Stop telling us about new cars as we contemplate how to get over our addiction to foreign oil. Stop telling us about how diamonds will make our relationships mean more. Do you think the gaining diamonds and new cars might have something to do with why there are so many commercials for debt-loss and online dating?? Please, we want a great taste test campaign, which is better, Coke or Pepsi (while Pepsi wins on taste tests, Coke wins in the long run!!), or a "Where's the Beef" campaign like Wendy's ran in the mid-eighties. Give us something to laugh about. We'll return the favor by drinking Cokes and going to Wendy's.

Yours,

Sarah Louise

Dear the rest of the world:

Don't tell Madison Ave that I don't need commercials for Coke or Wendy's, since I buy their stuff anyways.

Yours,

Sarah Louise

Dear man at the party the other night:

No, I do not want to date an a--hole or a bastard without guts. I don't think those are my only choices. I think there is another alternative and while he seems to be an endangered species in the wild, I have met the married version: a godly man who balances confidence with humility. I will give you this: when you're dating a jerk, you know he likes you, because he generally treats all other people like crap. When you date and/or are scoping out a nice guy, you have to figure out if he likes you because he's nice to everyone. So while I prefer nice guys, there is less confusion on that particular issue if he's a jerk.

Yours,

Sarah Louise

To the women of the Open Door,

You missed an amazing day at the Women's Gathering. What, honestly, (besides a babysitting job with twin four year olds) was more important than hanging out, chilling with your chicks, hearing someone talk honestly about being a woman, not wanting to lead, but doing it anyways. Hello, I took a vacation day. Katrina took a vacation day. Honeys, I hoard those like GOLD. I will not not work on a Saturday unless it is for GOLD. This was gold, much fine gold, and honey on the comb.

I laughed a lot. If anything, you missed hearing me laugh, all morning. You missed amazing worship. And the food--for $20 bucks, I got all that teaching, hanging out, plus breakfast, lunch, and afternoon tea. (Have you been to a restaurant lately? You can drop $20 easily on just drinks and tapas!) The chicken salad was amazing. Bellefield's basement wasn't Mrs. K's, but the company of women made up for that. As women, we need these role models. We need to have the conversations about milk vs. meat. We need to talk about how Sex and the City offers a great example of comraderie with women but a poor example about how to live a dating life. We need to have those conversations where we talk about what our gifts are and how we think they aren't important and have someone say, yes, yes they are. We need all those hugs. We are a young church, ladies, and we need the wisdom of women that have grandchildren. Um, you ain't gonna get that at the Open Door, at least not yet. You missed out, and I mourn that decision of yours.

However, I had a blast. I laughed, I cried, it was better than Cats. I sang out, I searched my soul, I encouraged friends, I met new people. I learned how to talk like a Southerner:

• "Scared as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs."

I learned that the antithesis of the Proverbs 31 woman is the Proverbs 7 woman. And I was reminded that the Proverbs 31 woman was imagined up by a MOTHER, giving advice to her son on what to look for in a wife. So of course she's perfect!! (Yins with MIL's can talk about that one amongst yourselves...)

I learned that if Jesus says "Go fishing" you should bring tartar sauce, because there's gonna be a feast. And we laughed over a carpenter giving advice to a fisherman, that the paraphrase of vs. 5 was "Man, you are a carpenter and I am a fisherman, I know all about fish and there is nothing there to catch, but if you say so..."

I learned that a great follower is a leader who hasn't accepted the promotion.

I heard poetry, which I'll share with you:

• "allow poetry to slip in the back door." (William Stafford)
• "He moves your bones and the way is clear." (Wendell Berry)
• and one by Kathleen Norris that I didn't write down...
  

I learned that all women are alike in this: we worry about our hearts and our friends. We get lonely and we get loved. We own lots of shoes. And I re-learned this one: women go to the bathroom together. If you thought going to relieve your bladder was going to give you one second alone, that one second was going down the back stairway. I shed tears. And I remembered, as my tears hit the bathroom floor, that God keeps each one in a bottle.

I re-learned that in Pittsburgh, it's not six degrees of separation, it's one, or 1/2. ("I know your church has 2000 members, but do you know so and so?" "Oh yes!")

And then I re-learned something about myself: if I'm with friends, I can stay out late. (Yes, little miss introvert, after a day with 200 women and some time at home deciding WHAT to wear for a birthday party, went out for tapas at 8 pm and stayed until 11 pm, when she went to the Sharp Edge for a Mystery Brew and some Mediterranean Nachos. We stayed there until 12:20, A.M.!)

Let's break it down, Old Testament style...

This is the funniest thing I have seen in a long time. Well, the Chron-what-cles of Narnia is pretty funny too...Off to spend my day with possibly 200 women. This is a good way to start it, what do you think?

And a plate of pommes frites is all I need...

All the way home, in the snow blowing down 279, my tires coated in snow, I had one thought. It was a negative one. How easily we get stuck on that broken record groove.

My dad has a huge record collection. I have never actually seen "My Fair Lady" all the way through, but my favorite part on my dad's record is the song "A Patient Man am I" because the record skips and the guy keeps singing "A patient man am I, A patient man am I," as if repeating it makes it so.

Which it doesn't. Repetition, I mean. The negative thought that I had on the way home may or may not be true. But whether or not it is, it needs not flood my mind as I drive home in the dark, snow billowing around.

I have been struggling with this blog lately. I got rid of the site meter (it was making me crazy!!) and/but now I have no clue how many people and which ones are reading unless they comment. (Or walk up to me at my library and tell me so...) (Thanks!!)

I have been struggling at how private/public to be. There are some things I'd rather share with people in person than via this blog...I don't want this to be a substitute for getting to know me, or that me reading other people's blogs becomes a substitute for getting to know them. Of course, blogging isn't all about becoming friends--that can backfire too.

I have to build boundaries around my life. I want to keep my life fresh, unmarred...and yet, I am broken. I am banged up. We all are, just some of us are more prone to admit it. Sometimes I can't keep it in--I will explode. And this year, with the loss of three close friends, I feel a void of people to share my life with. And yet, this week, I have had many chances on and off line, in person and by email, by cell and regular phone to connect--and I thank you all for that. When I called my mom tonight to let her know I got home safely, I said, it's sometimes so hard to focus on what's good when you have that one negative thought. Wisely, she didn't ask what the thought was, and wisely, I didn't blurt it out. We focused on the good. She told me about this new technology at her school--she was so excited about it (I smile as I write this--my mother is such an amazing person and though I will be glad when she retires, I am grateful that she loves teaching so much--she is so good at it.)

I don't know what else to say, except thanks, to a few people who have made this week worthwhile. I bet you know who you are. And please, let's keep in touch. It's a rough world out there.

I guess I'll also say this: if I'm not reaching out to you, it's because I'm protecting myself in the only way I know how. This blog is anonymous for many reasons, but one of them is that it protects the breathing, heart-beating person that lives in the third floor garret. Maybe you are protecting yourself the only way you know how to as well. Only time will tell.

And this too: tears (the kind you cry) and tears (the kind that's ripped) sometimes make us stronger. I am not afraid of mourning this loss, if it is one, but I am not against stitching up the brokenness, either.

And if you don't have a clue what I'm talking about, that's okay too. Sometimes I just want to be a mysterious woman...who needs to defrost her refrigerator.

In other news, I got a letter from Lorelei today. All is well in the world. (Even if it isn't.)

My mood improves, and laughter ensues at Blackbirds blog...

I know I'm feeling better when I can look out at the snow and say, Oh look it's snowing and the inflection is not of dread. It was more like, oooh, look, snow! What a novelty! What cute white stuff...mayhap I'll even take a walk in it...(we'll see...)

Anyways, as my morning blog habits go, I visited Badger, Babs&Gina, DaysGoBy, and blackbird. blackbird has this fascination with all things Japanese and sometimes the mirth, it just overflows.

You look at the details.

Show and Tell: a drink

See two posts down: the one of the hot chocolate is my s&t for the week! Enjoy!

I might start a secondary blog...

To talk about the Pgh transit crisis.

Here's a link from Progress Pittsburgh.

I'll keep yinz posted.

FYI

The pictures post (below) is my S&T for this week, so feel free to post yours when you like, attaching coments to it.

I'll probably be posting less in the next little bit. I wish I could say because I'm going to Africa, like my friend Nan and fellow blogger Adrian. I wish I could say, well, we're going to Florida, like MsCell.

Meanwhile, I urge you all to read Eat Cake. (Apparently many of you have read it at my suggestion, but have you ALL read it?)

Some pictures...

My life is awash in ponytail holders. I like the pretty colors... (my car, Melody)

Hot Chocolate at Tazza. I couldn't help but notice how the swirls in my drink looked like the cover of my notebook.

The writing (far right, you can read 1998 and -ark) is my written testimony at the bus hearing yesterday.