Judgy-wudgy wuzz a bear...

(Stanford to Carrie, SATC Season #5)

This is the post I wrote in my morning shower...and forgot by the time I got to the laptop.

In my early 20s, I made bad choices. I also had bad boundaries, and this led to friendships where people judged me. So now that I am in my late 30s, making better choices, I am afraid that I'm still going to get judged. And all of a sudden, I have people who are saying, "I see what you're saying and I feel the same way," or, "why don't you look at it this way?" NOT "You are making a huge mistake."

But it takes a long time for that voice, that "You are making a HUGE mistake," to go away. Before I open certain emails, I take a deep breath. I have a guy friend who is good at giving advice. He says it's in his Y chromosome. And because I have chosen well, my friends and my boundaries, the advice he's giving me is the same advice I'm giving myself. (But isn't it nice to have someone else tell you that you're on the right road?) Years ago, my mother said to me, "you are making good decisions." I wrote it down and put it up on my fridge. Maybe I need to find that paper or write up a new one.

Had coffee with Xander. I think we were having an off day. I didn't like him that much. And there was a lot of us not talking. But he is a great listener, and he knows his books and his hockey. And I may have stepped on his toes. Because he may have stepped on mine. But I still think he's cute. When I got to Borders, he was sitting there, reading, wearing a Sidney Crosby #87 t-shirt. I walked up to him and said, "Hey, Crosby."

And the beat goes on.

"We need to share our stories to discover..."

(Patrice Vecchione, quoted in Inward/Outward)

How wonderful it is to listen and to be listened to. I had dinner last night with a friend, and through cocktails, soup, main dish, dessert, we fed each other with our stories.

“A friend knows the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails.

(Donna Roberts)

Today I had to see EE Sally. I needed an old friend whose history I knew and who knew mine. We went to Walmart (because sometimes the only way to hang out with your busy momma friends is to go on errands with them.)

So I told her stuff, and I said, I feel like some of the stuff I'm doing doesn't make sense in a linear way. And she said (bless her heart), "When has anything in your life been linear?" And it was so true.

If you have a true blue friend like that, one that has seen you at your best and at your absolute worst, hold on tight. And find ways to be in their lives, even if it's a morning trip to Walmart. (Which btw, was super fun, as she was getting supplies for a star costume she's making for a Christmas pageant.)

The rest of the day, I hibernated. In the true sense. I was under the covers and asleep for a long time. And I just yawned, so I don't sense that insomnia will be a problem. I'm thinking it's because little miss introvert was out all night Saturday (from 7:30 to 1 a.m.), then a party Sunday morning for some twins first birthday, and then church which was dinner. Yep, that's a lot of being around people.

Yawn. Time to head back to bed.