"Shopping is my cardio."

Carrie Bradshaw, on why she doesn't think she'll get into online shopping now that she has Internet. (Baby, Talk is Cheap, Episode 54, Season 4)

I spent 50 minutes in a grocery store today. That is 50 minutes too many, but at least when my therapist asks me tomorrow did I walk this week, I can answer truthfully. I walked from my car to the movie theatre to find out movie times. I walked from the movie theatre to Panera, where I had corn chowder with my sandwich, yum. I walked from Panera to Bed Bath and Beyond. I walked around the kitchen area of Bed Bath and Beyond long enough to find some food storage containers that will come in handy now that I'm determined to cook more and eat out less, which includes taking food to work that isn't in a cardboard box that has plastic wrap around frozen food.

I then walked to Bath and Bodyworks, where I discovered they don't have bath bombs either. NO ONE DOES. They suggested I look online. Shopping online never occurs to me. (I hate paying for shipping.) (And I like stores better.) But I really want some bath bombs.

['Scuse me while I look for them, and the first ones I find are $9 a piece! WHAT? The last one I bought was $1 at Giant Eagle and I didn't have to pay shipping!!!!!!!]

[The next two places are $4 and $5, but look, you can MAKE THEM HERE.] Now I'll be looking to procure a "dome shaped mold." Yes, I think that means more shopping. Unless I could use Styrofoam egg cartons...I digress.

So back to my afternoon exercise routine. (Are you tired yet?) I walk from Bath and Bodyworks (where I bought a compact that has one side regular mirror and one side magnified, for $4, and it's PINK) back to the movie theatre. During the previews I try to finish the Red Dress Ink book that I've been working on for the past day or so, because I've invested too much time to not finish it, and I know she gets the guy because I cheated, but I just want it to be DONE, and at this point, it seems really confusing why she would want the guy or why, for that matter, he would want her. Be forewarned: Loves me, Loves me not, is not a lovable book. Though the graphic design for the chapter headings is clever--a Gerber daisy that loses more petals as you work through the book. (You know, like pulling the petals out, "he loves me, he loves me not." Cute. But you don't need to read the book to enjoy that detail.)

Since I've already seen Harry Potter and the HBP once, I'm so bored the first 15 minutes (and I want to finish the blasted stupid RDI book) I almost walk out. But I don't, and I finally settle in and enjoy myself, catch a lot of the little things I missed the first time I watched it, but generally wish I was with someone. Chick flicks, I can see alone. But for me, Harry Potter movies are about my sister and where the heck was she?? In DC, as usual. (Well, she lives there, so that's no big surprise.)

After the movie ends, I walk back to the car, deposit my book and walk to the grocery store. And I proceed to walk around the store for the next 50 minutes, without a list, and though I used to shop at this Giant Eagle back in the day, I'm somewhat unfamiliar and did I mention no list? I don't get out under $50, which I'm sure my mom readers are saying what, that's a bargain, but remember, I'm feeding one person, not three to five. If I spent $50 for what should turn out to be 30 meals (including breakfast cereal), how much is that per meal? About $1.66, so not so bad. I need to keep shopping. Eat out less.

The thing is awareness. I'm actually spending less than I was a year ago. But I'm more aware of my financial situation and I actually REALLY THIS TIME DO want to get out AND STAY OUT of debt and I've given up the dream of getting a higher paying job and I'm looking at grad school in two years, so...the awareness makes my anxiety level higher and by the time I get $60 fast cash out of the ATM and see my balance, which has gone significantly down since payday, (was that only four days ago?) I am on High Anxiety.

So from the grocery store, I walk back to the car (thankfully I didn't buy any heavy things like, say, a whole turkey or a case of canned beets) and drive home. At which point, I walk downstairs one flight to the basement, put my laundry in the dryer (walk up one flight to the foyer) and walk the three flights to my garret apartment with my groceries. I put away my food, immediately open a 100 calorie Pringles container, and make myself a rum and Coke. Anxiety levels drop as I chow on a second 100 calorie Pringles container, fix a Lean Cuisine (I can't cook every day!) and finish the RDI book. And immediately turn the TV on as I work my way through Season Three of SATC.

Today would have been a great day to have worn my pedometer. I may not have walked to church (it's a goal) but please observe that I didn't move my car from 1:30 pm to 7pm while I did all that walking around the Waterworks Shopping Center.

When I finally am at a low enough anxiety level that I can actually call my mother, she confesses that although she doesn't like getting her hair cut on Sundays, she did today. It makes sense, they're leaving tomorrow for a road trip that culminates next weekend in a wedding. And it hits me WHY my grocery/money/ shopping anxiety was so high! I don't actually hit my hand on my forehead, but it's that kind of a moment. We're "no shopping on Sunday" people! We do movies, we do restaurants, but we do not do laundry or shopping unless absolutely necessary. As I have developed from a wee Louise to an almost 40 year old Louise, Sunday has become my day to zone out, my day to FORGET that I even have a checking account. The money anxiety? Was only part of the fact that I hate grocery shopping and a lot of the part that I feel it is my God-given gift to NOT GROCERY SHOP on Sunday. That's what Monday is for. (Monday is also wash day...) Sunday is for movies. Sunday is for chillin' in the crib. Sunday is for church. Sunday is NOT for worrying about bank balances.

And finally, this particular Sunday is for Sarah Louise to spend ten minutes turning her computer on and off, hitting F8 till finally she gets the "do you want to try safe mode with networking" screen. It is 11 pm and I have spent the past hour WRITING A BLOG POST. Life, my friends, is good. Dear reader, there is joy in Mudville. And I didn't have to turn on my air conditioning at all.

And so, as I realize I should probably start to get ready for bed so that I can greet tomorrow with at least a half-hearted desire to find laundry detergent,* I bid thee adieu.

________________________________________________
*did Wisk go off the market? And why are there so many different kinds of Tide? And is it really worth it to spend $8 for the kind that is good for the environment and and and... this is why I didn't buy laundry detergent. Which is also why my groceries were light and easy to carry back to the car, parked by the movie theatre.

You're what? (Tin roof--RUSTED!)

Tomorrow starts the library's summer hours. Which means we close at 5 on Fridays. Which means I start at 9. Which means I won't have time to blog before work tomorrow.

And it's not like I have tons to talk about, except that (this just in) there will be ONE more blushing bride this summer than expected. So, my party will be postponed until July. (Yes, the next wedding, just announced, is in two weekends, the day before my party was gonna be...)

But YAY! I get to go to the "Best Books for Babies" event sponsored by Beginning with Books on the South Side this Saturday. (Try to say that five times fast...) Thanks to Janice, who is forgoing her last day of being a soccer mom so that I can go. Thanks, Janice!!

I need to do laundry AND send some off...and pay bills. And get a haircut. And continue to stock up on small gifts...I think I forgot to get something for the shower I'm not attending this weekend. But I found something for the shower I'm not attending NEXT week, does that count? Well, um, sure. But I still need something for tomorrow's, unless I wait to gift at the event. Which I might do. Because tomorrow is DAY TWO and folks, that's not necessarily pretty. Plus, I have a cookout to go to tomorrow eve.

Plus, did I mention that my appetite hasn't stopped? Lucky for me, I have guacamole in the fridge. Hmmm...I don't think I'm getting a full night's sleep tonight...

My mother's comment when I relayed the happy news, "she's Sunny's roommate, who's getting married in two months," my mother, the one who NEVER pressures me to find a man, says, "Oh, you should move in there." Like getting a fiancé is contagious--thanks Mom.

I want them to have grandchildren. I really do. The guy on Sunday who gave the message, he's 60 and has grandchildren. My parents are 64 and going on 65. Besides, Christmas isn't fun anymore--we're all adults giving each other grown up gifts. At least when my Grandma was living, she added something to Christmas--she was very childlike her last three years of life.

I am happy to be 35. I am happy with my life for the most part. But pretty soon all my single friends are going to be married...I need a new crowd!! (And I don't really want a new crowd...I think I need some guacamole and chips and some Miranda, Carrie, Samantha, and Charlotte.)

ACK!!!

Today was a day for retail therapy. I'll fill yins in on that next time. Maybe by then I'll have figured out how to post NEW pictures. I went to Goodwill and got pants and books and after work to Targét and got shirts and paper towels.

Gone shopping...

Because, dear internets, I haven't been to places that sell toilet paper and plastic cups almost every day, looking for things like Afrin, or Robitussin.

Yesterday: Walgreens.

Day before: Giant Eagle.

Day before that: Whole Foods (well, they might not sell plastic cups...)

All the days before that: rinse, repeat.

So how is it that I am out of toilet paper????

It's raining here today. Actually, it started last night. Whoosh, right before I was going to take a steam shower to try to clear my sinuses, lightening, thunder!! Yes, I took a shower in the middle of an electrical storm. Don't tell my mama.

And it has not stopped. I had dreams about work (never a good sign) that the ceiling was leaking. Never mind that we're on the first floor, so in order for the ceiling leak to be rain related, the second floor would have to be flooded completely...and I had a strong discussion with a teen who was trying to clean off the highly fingerprinted screen of one of the computers. No! We use special cloths to clean the screens!! It has to do with static electricity!!

Talking to my father last night, I said, it was rainy today. (Oh, so I guess it was rainy yesterday. Whoops! Okay, so the rain started early on Wednesday, but late on Wednesday, it got violent and stormish.) He said, well, maybe it will rain tomorrow here. Yes, internets, my father and I discuss the movement of weather from west to east. They don't need Al Roker or the Smuckers guy, just dear old Sarah Louise. What's the Burghian weather? Well, maybe that's what we'll get tomorrow.

Okay, I must go shopping. For two very important items. And I think the fact that I slept from 11:30 pm to 9 am and have now emailed/blogged for an hour means that I'll just go into work at 1 pm, like normal. Which means I'll probably miss BJ & Kat's talk on "We went to England!" Drat. Of course, I haven't worked a seven hour day in almost a month (or so it seems), so why start now??

Badger, I hope there was at least a little something in there that made you smile. I'm sure it WASN'T the fact that I'm getting more sleep than you. Honest, I would mail you some of my sleep if that was possible.

Have they lost their minds?

Trying something--to see if Blogger will let the title be underlined so folks know it's a clickable link...

I wonder if I have. I was yelling at Kleenex boxes, railing over the radio wasteland, and making so much noise that my darling sister came to find out what was wrong. She diagnosed it correctly: PMS.

"Do you want a hug?" I did.

Yesterday was a full day. Hard work, too. Sis and I went to our favorite used CD store (which now sells used DVDs) and we each spent an hour picking and then sorting to get to what we would actually buy. I never go shopping extensively at home (in da Burgh) because, well, it's more fun to GO with someone. We spent most of our money at the CD Cellar, and so our next stop was a nice sized thrift shop, the Clocktower. I got a great coat (well, my mother calls it a jacket, because of its length) for $4 (it was 50% off).

Then we went to the drug store, b/c I didn't plan ahead for this trip in terms of cold remedies. And since what I had is a Walgreens label item, I couldn't find its twin at Eckerd. I wanted Guaf+Pheno-whatever and I could only find this with Dexo (a cough suppressant) (which, I guess I did need, but I was trying to get less drugs, not more!) So I finally got a Tylenol product that had all of the above and some Tylenol, which I needed, as my head was pounding (probably from my congested sinuses).

Then we got home, and I had to admit to my mother that I didn't have any dressy clothes (our plan was a French restaurant for dinner and then the new movie, Amazing Grace.) She lent me a jumper, a turtleneck, a half slip, and nylons. Oh, and a lovely necklace.

My dad was late coming home from the funeral of a former co-worker's wife, and the tension was palpable. I took a nap (or tried to) anyways.

Dinner was nice, the movie was WONDERFUL, and by the time we were done, I was more than exhausted. I mean, shopping, dinner, a movie, that's a weekend for me, MAYBE. Not ONE DAY!! Little Miss Introvert needed some down time, and unfortunately, while sleep does accomplish that to some degree, it does not fully.

************

The title link is to an article from Christianity Today, about how folks criticize their reviews. It prompted me to write this post, in which I defend what some might think are poor viewing choices. Most of the movie links are CT reviews, except for the SATC, which is from Christian Century.

But I really want to talk about movies. Not Amazing Grace, which was wonderful. I want to talk about Hollywood--the Hollywood I love. And if I love it, I cannot turn a blind eye to its flaws, but admit that we live in Rome. Rome was full of people living reckless, decadent lives. I probably should read more about Rome before I use it as a comparison point, but this is today's post...

What I'm trying to say (badly, I admit) is that there are a lot of movies out there that I love. That I cringe to say that I love, to a degree, because I don't agree with the all the morals portrayed within.

The Holiday: Cameron Diaz's character gets drunk and propositions a man she has just met (who turns up at her doorstep because he's drunk and her doorstep is actually his sister's, as Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz's characters have swapped homes for two weeks.) But what follows is an honest look at relationships and what role fear plays in staying or leaving. So I can't throw out this movie just because its characters make decisions I might not make.

Sex and the City (yes, it's come to this): I do not condone Samantha's, Charlotte's, Miranda's, and Carrie's promiscuity. But they are honest about life, (even if their wardrobes lie) and the plight of unmarried women. And their ultimate choices are good ones. This is not a show that you can watch one episode and make a snap judgement on. More to come on this.

The Sweetest Thing: I am embarrased to say I loved this movie. I bought it for 77 cents at the library bookstore and have watched it at least five times. It is lewd, it is horrible. But it is FUNNY. Again, it is honest about the life of the single woman.

Because I said so: EVERYONE panned this. The Christian critics and the non-Christian ones: Stay home, was their mantra. I loved this movie. I laughed more than I have at a movie in a long time, and the best part (yes, a SPOILER) was the cake falling on the guy's head at the end of the movie. Mandy Moore slept around (with two men) and her mom at long last found love. But Moore's character was the most self-assured single woman I have seen on the silver screen for a long time. A single woman who taught classes at the senior center on how to cook gourmet for one? I need to take that class (says the woman who eats frozen food most nights of the week.)

Other movies that fall into this category (movies about unmarried women):

• West Side Waltz (a real think piece...very good!)
• Wedding Bell Blues
• Picture Perfect
• While you were sleeping
  
  My point: (did I have one?) if I only went to movies like Amazing Grace, I would go to the movies once a year.
  
  I am 35, so many years beyond the rating system (PG-13, R, etc.). I do not have young children. I am old enough to know what my decision is regarding the sexual morés of the day: post-marital sex. But that is a decision I made after a lot of broken hearts and a lot of soul searching. It is not a decision I made based on the movies. I don't make decisions based on the movies. The movies are entertainment. I may learn something, but that is not the reason I go to the movies. I know the difference between real life and Hollywood.
  
  Thankfully, I can say, "I choose to watch this." Or not. I finally have given up on Crossing Jordan, which, now that NBC has quietly laid to rest Studio 60, (or not, see link) there's really nothing for me to watch on TV. I like mysteries, and I enjoy the whodunit qualities of CJ, but the shock value is going too far for me, and I don't like that Australian journalist that keeps showing up as a love interest for Jordan.
  
  So that's today's soap box.
  
  All that to also say this: we each need to know our weaknesses. My mom hates any movie that has extra-marital affairs. She did not allow me to watch soap operas in high school. So I watched at friend's houses. (I don't think that's what she meant, and I knew it...)
  
  A lot of people I know (why do we live our lives based on the opinions of others, or write entire posts defending our taste?) will not watch Desperate Housewives or Sex and the City because of the immoral lifestyles portrayed therein. I have only seen like three episodes of DH, so I can't comment there. I don't turn a blind eye, but rather say, there are pieces of this that are wonderful. I do not want to be Carrie. I have been in her shoes in some ways, in my twenties. I would never want to relive that heartache that comes from misunderstandings about sexual relationships. But I also can see sex as a metaphor. In so many movies (which are a standard two hours to signify two years or two decades) a kiss is a metaphor for "we have gotten to know each other."
  
  I can't read bodice ripper romance novels. Which is why I love chick lit--there's still the romance, but less sex. I love Hiassan, but I can't read his mysteries for adults. Which is why I hope he continues to write more like Hoot, which I loved. (I'm looking forward to reading Flush)
  
  It's my blog. I get to ramble about what I want to, and it doesn't have to be in good taste or grammar or well written.
  
  Oh, and I watched Vanity Fair (Reese Witherspoon)--it was a visual candy store!! Am now reading my sister's copy of the book. Has anyone seen Monsoon Wedding (the same director)?

So I skipped church. I'm going tonight (which is what I'd do if I was in Pgh) and the 'rents will be home momentarily from Sunday School. Sis and I have both had nutritious (albeit frozen) lunches.

Where I shop and why

As I left Whole Foods, with my one paper bag, I mused on why I chose to go there on my way home instead of Giant Eagle, even though I have one item on my list that Whole Foods doesn't carry. (Carnation Instant Breakfast.)

Why did I pull into the Whole Foods parking lot at the last minute? Because life is unpredicable. I didn't know at that moment if Sally would be coming tomorrow morning to help me sort out my life (she is a saint, you know that already). I knew I was tired, bored, and a little listless, all not good places to be when you need to go to the grocery store. But I needed milk or I would have no breakfast tomorrow. And while shopping can be stressful, the atmosphere at Whole Foods feeds me. It even smells good when you walk in! I paid an outrageous $3 for 4 oranges, but I need to eat more fruits and veggies. I don't know what I spent on soy milk, but I had many choices, and I needed that, as I really can't fathom moving away from cow's milk. They didn't have blueberry waffles, but I'll try flax waffles, and I finally got EVOO (Extra Virgin Olive Oil) which might crack you up to know I use on popcorn. At the checkout, I did buy a magazine (Paula, you knew this was coming) but it was Harper's, a magazine I used to subscribe to. It was soothing to flip through the pages and not be focused on "15 things you can do in 15 minutes" or "How to slash your food bill" or "Jen is going to be a single mom."

I shop at Walgreens because I have heard the success story of Walgreens in Good to Great by Jim Collins time and again, as I listen to Jim on audio in my car. (Now I have to get it on CD!)

I shop at Borders because their rewards card is free and I get free stuff (I got $30 free the week before Christmas, making a few gifts for other people FREE!)

I shop at Barnes and Noble because it's close by and I know folks there, and because I used to work for the company, I know the general set up.

I shop at Giant Eagle because I spend about $30 on drugs every month and every time you spend $50 you get 10 cents off per gallon of gas. (It adds up!) And because they are on my way home from work, in a manner of speaking. (Although at Walgreens you can transfer prescriptions and it doesn't matter which store you go to...that seems very tempting to me, but then again, I like that I sort of know the people at Giant Eagle.)

I do not have to tell you why I shop at Target (I imagine most of you are also Targét shoppers), but I will: their products are so beautiful, enticing, and...(mostly) cheap!

I wish I shopped at independent bookstores. But I don't know where they are in Pittsburgh anymore. I wish I shopped at Trader Joes. But they close at 9pm and that's usually when I'm coming back into my 'hood. (Which brings out another great thing about Walgreens--they are open 24/7, even on NYE!) I wish I shopped at Aldi more. They have good stuff at great prices.

So maybe that's my resolution for the year: to do more things in 15 minutes. To slash my food bills. And to not focus so much on Jen being a single mom but reading things like Harper's magazine, which feeds my mind and soul.

Show and Tell is tomorrow morning, your leftover Christmas picture(s). I can't wait to see what you'll post!