Fruit and a muffin

You know, I can't remember if I mentioned that Immodium and Gatorade were my companions this weekend. But Monday, I was brave enough to order quiche at Gullifties. I didn't know it came with fresh fruit and a BRAN muffin, or I would have refused them. On the way home, I heard (the inaudible voice of the nudge that isn't me that I should take these to Mini, my Italian neighbor.) I was going to be late for my dr. appointment if I did, so I didn't. And wouldn't you know, that when I got to my appointment, I had to wait.

On Sunday, BJ shared a story from Molly, about sharing a muffin with a woman at Panera. I am too tired to replicate it here, but it was pretty similar in type to the Beth Moore story found here. Beth sees a man with uncombed hair and the nudge that isn't us nudged her to talk to him, to ask if she could comb his hair. It is a beautiful story.

I have no idea if the fruit is still palatable after spending an evening in my fridge...

Have a little faith in me...

So this week in the Breaking Free study homework, we're learning about obedience. Or rather, we're learning about rebellion. I have a hard time with this, I suppose because I know that we learn best through positive reinforcement, NOT SHAME. And this morning dear Beth wanted us to copy out what a rebellious child of God does TWICE, at the beginning of the lesson and again at the end, like Bart Simpson writing lines on the blackboard, I will not tell lies. So I rebelled and wrote out what an obedient child of God looks like.

One thing I did grab well and good from the lesson though was this new word (well, it is a very OLD word, but new to me): bitchah*. Now before you slam me for using the B word, it's not what you think and probably not pronounced the same way, since it's Hebrew. It is a word for trust and it is only used once in the Old Testament (How often is it used in the NT, she wonders?).

It is the word that means "there is nothing more one can do." So you HAVE to trust. Have faith, and rest in that trust. This is where phoning and writing letters and begging that friend to come back is the opposite of what you should do. Perhaps there are things you did that you need to say sorry for. (There usually are.) But trusting God, trusting, truly trusting, is that word, bitchah. It reminds me of the John Hiatt song, "Have a little faith in me." Because they always play it on movie soundtracks right when the one character has lost faith and might be leaving the other character. (It's used on the soundtrack for Phenomenon and Look who's talking now--huh, I just realized Travolta is in both of those movies, wonder if that's a coincidence?) Whenever I hear that song, I think of someone driving down a snowy road in LWTN, and the melody cries out, have a little faith in me, trust me on this one!!

So many songs have lyrics where it's like, I'm the one for you, trust me, where really, that trust is really only meant for God. When Sarah Brightman sang, "Deliver me...all of my life I've been in hiding, wishing there was someone just like you, now that I've found you, I know that you're the one to pull me through," well of course that's a God song. Because NO PERSON can pull us out completely. So it is fitting that David Crowder took that song and added "Jesus Jesus how I trust thee, how I've proved you o'er and o'er, Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus, Come and pull me through."

And the song "How do I live?" sung by Leanne Rimes, the songwriter was writing about how she felt about music. That her life would be not real, hard to survive, if she didn't have music. Because of course we can live when that person leaves us, dies, whatever. (Which ties into A long way down, the Nick Hornby book I'm reading/listening to, where JJ can't imagine his life without music.)

Can you tell this is something I've been holding in for a long time? I never liked those lyrics that said, "My life was transformed when you came into it," because I've always felt that was something that God did. God may have put that person INTO my life, but it was God that did the transforming, not merely that person's prescence.

I recently read something where it talked about how God gives us people in our lives as a way for us to love more. That friendships are another way of God loving us, and of us expressing God's love. That we NEED that community to thrive.

But I can't find where it was. I thought maybe in Blue Like Jazz (which I finished re-reading last night) or The friendships of women (which I'm working through again.) But I can't find the passage.

But this passage, from The friendships of women, sort of explains it (but it's NOT the passage I was looking for!):

It's important to love our friends, to cherish them, and to be committed to them. Girls and women are good at that--and it's a beautiful side to our friendships. But we need to learn to be dependent, leaning on God, because He's the only one who will never betray us or die or move away. (Dee Brestin)

So anyways, that's my soapbox for the morning. Go and have healthy relationships with people and with God. Happy Sunday morning.

(Oh, and all of what I write is me saying this to me--I do not have this figured out yet, btw!)

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*It's used in Isaiah 30:15: in quietness and trust is your strength... Okay, from Strong's Hebrew Bible Dictionary, I love this, it's the FEMININE version of another word on trust, betach. Of COURSE it's the FEMININE version. Hee...So I guess it's only used in the feminine version once in the OT...still no news on if it's used in the NT...

A little bit better...

Woo hoo! Yesterday's breakfast, lunch, and dinner stayed with me!

No matter that I have a wicked stomach ache right now, I think I have crossed the blackout point!

There is comfort in having that conversation with a friend, the conversation you hate to have, but you know you must, or you will never keep down another meal, and that friend says, Bingo! (In agreement.)

Bingo is my new favorite word.

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My parents, non-readers most of the time, have been reading Blue Like Jazz. Which makes me want to re-read it, even as I am so enjoying Dinner with Dad, Piano Girl, and...

I pull Blue Like Jazz off the milk carton shelf it sits in, one of the last vestiges of my college furniture. The cover is embossed--I don't think I noticed that before.

I flip it open to the Author's Note.

"I never liked jazz music because jazz music doesn't resolve. But I was outside the Bagdad Theater in Portland one night when I saw a man playing the saxophone. I stood there for fifteen minutes, and he never opened his eyes.
After that, I liked jazz music.
Sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself. It is as if they are showing you the way.
I used to not like God because God didn't resolve. But that was before any of this happened."

I put the book on my pillow, with the intent to take it with me, perhaps as I sit in Tazza before meeting John this morning. I will be walking home from Midas (my car is going in for its yearly inspection.)

Max is reading About a boy, and enjoying it. It does something to have recommended and lent a book to someone and they tell you they're enjoying it.

The first of three (I think) Open Door babies was born on the 31st! Welcome Ian! So yes, it is raining babies. But they are so very cute... It feels nice not to want one right now, though. I can enjoy being Auntie Sarah Louise.

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Last night at our Breaking Free Bible Study, it was just Kelly and I. It's a video study, and years ago, I had watched the video for last night's lesson with Kelly. I had forgotten most of it, except for this: Beth Moore was telling the story of when she was signing copies of her first book. All they could find for her to sign copies was a huge garbage can lid. And she felt it was a reminder that she had been in the trash for so many years. She had been in the trash can, but she never was trash. But that God was the one that took her out of the trash can.

Kelly and I sat for at least an hour after the video, her sharing about her time away, me sharing about my time here. How precious it is to have such a friend. We both have so far to travel...but we are traveling, side by side.

Oy! look at the time! I must go off to Midas.