Monday, July 07, 2008

Your thirties are for learning the lessons...

angst, learning your lessons, well, sort of the same thing (see earlier post)

Also "I'm an emotional cutter." (why Carrie looked at the Vogue on Valentine's Day of all days.)

I'm learning, in my late thirties, how to be less of an emotional cutter, less of a drama queen. But life makes it really HARD sometimes. For instance, a few days ago, a seriously cute former crush of mine got married. Far far away. A year ago, I might have worn black for weeks. And then yesterday, a seriously cute former crush showed up at a place I happened to be. And mentioned that he'd just seen Emily. In Queens. Well, I knew she was there, and I had been meaning to email her yesterday but didn't get to it. So I emailed her last night, a little brief hello.

A few months ago, it would have taken me AGES to actually pay attention to the "nudge which wasn't me" and just EMAIL her. Luckily the "nudge which wasn't me" was a MEGAPHONE this weekend.

Then, someone I emailed last week and who never responded, actually asked me, "Did I ever respond?" And I smiled. Nope, you didn't. For once I've figured out again that there are some people I just want to be friends with. (Some people who are also 28.)

All of this was churning around as I went to the Sharp Edge by myself for dinner. (Oh, internets, how I needed to be an introvert: TOO MUCH INPUT.) So I tried to read my book but couldn't. And then this is when I figured out why I packed my Bible in my purse. I journaled a couple verses...and then ordered a Mystery Brew.* Because folks, I needed to be sleepy by the end of dinner or I was going to be up all night trying to strategize my next step.

Yes, I went to see SATC-TM again. Because I forgot that Friday was an emotional day for me and I needed company. I bought a watermelon, offered it to some friends, went on a walk, cried the entire time, and decided I needed A MOVIE. In the middle of the movie, my phone, WHICH RARELY RINGS, sang out the theme to SATC. Fortunately. I turned it off, and when I got out of the movie, I had a date to have watermelon with friends. Who then also offered me dinner.

Life is good.

Oh, did I mention I dreampt that I broke up with Max because I was sick (like with a bad cold), bought an engagement ring, and had a wedding but he wasn't there? My sister called him, he showed up, but we were already technically married even though he hadn't been there for the gorgeous ceremony. It was very very bizarre. I'm sure a mishmash of having seen Carrie drop the cell phone so gorgeously for the third time and the far away wedding and possibly the reentry of cute former crush.

Maybe this time around I can act like a 36 year old, non-drama queen and leave out the emotional cutting. Who knows what might happen next?

*The Sharp Edge is also where a lot of stuff went down with ALL of the people mentioned in this post, but more importantly for you, a Mystery Brew is a beer that you don't know what it is but it's $3. Since I'm cheap and not a discerning beer drinker, it worked.


cuileann said...

It's so nice when you know the movie that'll be just the right fix for your present ailment...and a watermelon party to attend afterwards sounds supremely lovely.

Sarah Louise said...

C--yeah. The summer "Twister" was in town was like that, also "While You were sleeping."

My goal in life is to be like Lady Caroline Dester at the end of "Enchanted April"--all her manners and knowing what she needs but also the lightness of personality that finally allowed her to fall in love with that guy at the end.

I guess that's a blog post too.

elena jane said...

sometimes that nudge is like a giant sledgehammer (ime of course)....
friends and watermelon are important.