So if you've been here awhile, you know I'm at the moment ambivalent about having babies. Which, since I don't have a husband, I think is okay. But I must say, tonight, for the first time in a very long time, I enjoyed all the babies at church. I played peek-a-boo with Mike, I watched Si while his mom went to take communion, and I grinned at them as they grinned at me. They hugged my legs.
Then the scriptures: Isaiah 40 is a chapter I know almost by heart, it is full of beautiful imagery about a God that comforts and people that can be resilient. Matthew 28 is one of the "Do not be afraid" stories, and BJ used that as a starting point for an amazing sermon on how God is always reminding us of how he took care of us last time. (She hits her head, of course!)
I sat in the "crying room" for most of church, most of the time curled in one of the Queen Ann armchairs, but uncurled myself to take notes once he got into the meat of the sermon. Afterwards, everyone said they liked my new hair cut, and I got to meet a new family and talk to BJ and some other folks. It is so good to share burdens--not complaining, but saying, I am having a hard time. And the other person says, yes, me too. And you both go away, lighter, because you know you're not the only one and you know that your story has helped lift that person, just as their story helped to lift you.
It's like the story of the king and his three sons. Make the journey shorter, said the king, and you'll inherit my kingdom. The first two sons failed. I think maybe the first son recommended a new GPS system, the second son lent him a chariot. The third son said, "I'll walk with you and tell you a story." (Guess which son got the inheritance?)
It amazes me how eating has been so unimportant this weekend--I've only eaten to make sure I get three meals and b/c I take meds and my meds work better with food in the stomach. I didn't even eat half of my Mediterranean Nachos at the SE. But sleep? I got up early and then got back in bed and napped. All afternoon, I had SATC DVDs on, sort of watching them, whilst I purged paper and stuff from my closet. (I liberated 4 laundry baskets, baby!) (Laundry baskets are how I manage clutter.) (I do have to do actual clothing laundry soon, though.) I took a nap at 4 and thought I might sleep through church at six, but I woke up at 10 till. So I took a quick shower.
I'll go sleep some more soon. I don't think we'll be reducing my antidepressants when I see my psychiatrist tomorrow...
1 week ago