How to write a political ad in Pittsburgh

Note: I am not endorsing or maligning any opponent, but merely pointing out how ads are written here in SW PA.

If your opponent is rich, point that out. If he's a millionaire, even better.

If your opponent has been in Washington, and you haven't, point out how corrupt Washington is, and how we don't want to send your opponent back. Mention Washington and corrupt as many times as possible.

Talk about privatizing social security. Talk about Medicare, grandchildren, taxes, and health care.

Highlight a particular failure that your opponent has made. Get negative quotes from newspapers, government officials, especially if that official is in your opponent's party, and if the failure has cost money, compare it to the cost of "BOTH stadiums" (Mentioning sports always helps anything in Pittsburgh.) (When will library fundraisers learn this??)

Use the phrase "back room deals."

If your opponent says something bad in a clip, play the clip twice.

Get the "average voter" to say, "I usually vote for [insert your opponent's here] party, but this year, I'm voting for [insert your name here], because [insert your opponent's name here] just doesn't get it."

Use the phrase "[insert your opponent's name here] just doesn't get it" as much as possible.

Mention Paris Hilton. Mention China. Mention China again. Mention illegal immigrants.

Point out the unemployment numbers that have gotten worse since we sent so and so to Washington. Use pictures of empty streets.

Make sure you vote on Tuesday, November 2. Start now researching who you can vote for. Talk to people you trust. Don't wait until November 1. Plan when you will hit the polls. Before work? After work? On your lunch break? Even if there is no one you want to vote for, show up. Represent. Write in someone that you think could do the job better.

And above all, remember that the more local the vote, the more that person may have an effect on your daily life. So don't forget city council, school board, and other local officials.

What you doin' Sammy Jo?

(Carrie to Samantha, "Sex in the Country," SATC, Season 4)

Author's note: this post will make more sense if you're familiar with the HBO show "Sex and the City."

This past summer, I commented to both an old (long time and older in age) friend and my therapist that I sort of felt like Samantha. Their eyes bugged out until I explained that Sam is about 5-7 years older than Carrie, Miranda, and Charlotte. While people are forever asking if I'm a student, I've discovered again and again that a lot of my friends are 26, my sister's age. My two closest friends are five years younger and five years older. Well, most of the women my age (36, a month from 37) have children and houses. So two things: I don't meet them, because we run in different circles, and two: we don't necessarily have lifestyle similarities. That doesn't prevent friendships, since one of my dearest friends has the whole kit: three kids, two car garage, minivan. I have the additional weird factor of growing up (grammar school) overseas, I don't even have all the pop-culture pieces that distinguish the typical 36 year old woman in middle America. (Wherever that is.) I'm familiar with the shows that the 26 year olds watched, because I watched them with my sibs, who are now 25 and 26. I seem younger, because along with having great skin (thanks Mom!), I don't have kids, the house, the husband. I seem younger because I lost a lot of time spinning my wheels before my diagnosis. So I fit better with the 26 year olds, except that I have already voted in four presidential elections.

(That was a ramble...) The other thing about Samantha, something I aspire to, is her non-judgmental sensibility. In SATC-TM, Sam is the one who comes with food to a depressed and sleeping Carrie, who has slept through at least a day and a half.

Carrie: "I'm tired."
Samantha: "That's okay, eat something, then you can go back to sleep."

Sam doesn't want children, but is kind of the mother hen out of the four women. (Miranda may be a mother, but she is NOT maternal, except to Brady, and Charlotte wants a child, but she's actually the youngest of the four and it sometimes shows. No one could make any sort of case for Carrie being maternal.) Because I've seen the entire series more times than I'd like to admit, I have certain portions memorized, and other portions that come to the surface when I need them. If only I had the same diligence with my Beth Moore homework or memorizing Bible verses...

For whatever reason, the conversation that came to mind tonight as I drove home was between Carrie and Samantha in "All or nothing" (Season 3, episode 40). After a house-warming at Samantha's new apartment, Carrie stays to help Samantha clean up. She tells Samantha she's having an affair with Big (Carrie is dating Aidan, Big is married to Natasha.)

Carrie: "Don't you want to judge me a little?"
Samantha: "Not my style."

*****

I voted today. As an election worker, I can usually leave my post where I work to drive half a mile to vote where I vote. But there are no guarantees concerning next Tuesday, (don't forget to vote!) so I drove downtown this morning, on the last day you could apply for an absentee ballot. First, I went to the Federal Building. FAIL! Then I drove across town to the City/County Building, and went into the wrong building. FAIL! The entire time, in my mind was an unhealthy tape, that I should vote for the other candidate, it was the "accepted" thing to do according to "everyone." Boy is that inner voice dangerous. When I go that black and white and start naming "everyone" as the boss of me, it's usually one or two people that have judged me. Fortunately, when I got the paper ballot, my candidate was the first name I saw and it was as if it was the only name I saw, I filled in that bubble with my blue pen--I voted!! We had a referendum--Should we go into debt to clean up the water? Um, yes, let's please be healthy. That's a worthy thing to go into debt for.

At the end of the day, I called Bird (my sister) and crowed, I voted!! I just needed to tell someone! And be excited about it!! I got her voice mail, but crow I did! I've never been this excited about an election, but the act of voting itself was pretty mundane, standing in the City/County building with people who were going to be in Florida next week. I told Sally when I got to Bible Study this morning, but she knew that's why I was late, and I just mouthed the words, as the Beth Moore video had already commenced.

As for my Web 2.0 life, today I emailed, twittered, DM'd (Direct Message on Twitter), chatted on gmail with my boss about coming in late because my back was doing crazy things, and chatted on gmail with a friend while I was warming up to finish the pile of Dewey number checks. Oh, and I'm blogging! And I forwarded some blog links to my dad and a few friends. How grateful I am for technology. This morning before I left the house, I called my dad, because I wasn't feeling so hot physically or mentally. I needed coffee, and a hug. Before we hung up, my dad prayed for me, which I so needed--I needed to hear someone ask God to bless me. How I adore that man.

So all in all, a day well lived. I learned from my boss that if she is called as a reference for me, (no, I don't have news) she can't tell them about my health. It's illegal. I am grateful that I am able to be honest with her, and she encourages me to no end, but she knows that it is time for me to move on, when the right job comes my way. What a blessing she is. I went for dinner at the fancy restaurant at the bottom of the hill because I needed a little Sabbath. I can't take time off right now, but I can do little things, like have Bleu cheese dressing instead of my usual choice, Ranch.

Day is done. Gone the sun. How do the rest of the words go? Well, it's nearly eleven o'clock and Wee willy winky is I'm sure asleep by now, so I suppose I should tuck in too. I have a whole bunch of kids to sing to tomorrow morning.

G'nite. It's been nice writing to you, dear reader. You do put a smile on my face.

Open letters

Dear voters at District X:

You rock! Thanks for coming out in big numbers and showing your pride. Sorry I was such a total space cadet from sun-up to sun-down. Whatever the outcome, we all worked hard, voters and workers.

Your tired poll worker,

SL

PS: almost 50% voter turnout is great--do you think we could bump it to 70 by November???

Dear Decision Makers in terms of elections:

There were too many people that got lost, folks that voted recently enough that they should have been on our rolls but were not. Let's be more organized next time...

Frustrated poll worker, who saw at least 15 people not be able to vote.

Dear Woman who went downtown for a court order so she could vote:

Our applause was not enough. We should have given you a standing ovation, YOU ROCK! Thank you for having the flexibility to make voting today a priority.

Honored to have worked in the polling place you traversed, even if you were in the other district...

Dear Man who was registered Republican because you forgot to change your registration to Democratic:

What can I say, Murphy is alive and well. Thank you for being fairly un-angry with us, who could do nothing to rectify the system.

Just a poll worker....

To the voters in Pennsylvania,

WOO HOO! We did it! We came out in record numbers. I am not watching the news tonight, I am going to bed, because at this point it didn't matter if we won or lost, it mattered how we looked in our candidate t-shirts. (I stole that from Kiki, who says "It doesn't matter if you win or lose, but how you look in your tennis shorts.")

SL, ready to sleep.

*************

The great thing about today is that I didn't have to be in my life. I don't see the other election workers any time but on election/primary days, so I didn't talk about work, relationships, plans. I read the Post-Gazette pretty much cover to cover, Good Housekeeping, ditto, skimmed the end of a Katrina Hurricane memoir (eh...) and almost finished the Quick crossword. And all day repeated these words: "Have you used these machines before? There are two pages, one with the candidates and one with the delegates. Don't leave until the blue screen comes up and the machine thanks you." My motor skills and verbal skills were at an all time low, but I made it through. My proudest moment was the organization and counting of the 13 absentee ballots.

I'm outta heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere!