Carlin, Tudor, Russert--that's three

I shelved Carlin's books when I worked at Fox Books (humor was one of my departments.) But he is one of the cultural pieces I'm totally missing. Found this quote in an obit, which made me smile:

"Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?"

I have a colleague who knew Tasha Tudor and was actually named after her. What an independent woman she was, and so talented. I have at least one book she illustrated, a collection of Christmas stories called Take Joy!

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Meanwhile, I'm feeling guilty about thinking East. Talking to BJ on Thurs was great, but I didn't realize the OD is losing 5 families this summer and then somewhere in the conversation BJ said, and with you maybe leaving (knife to my heart.) Then last night in Steph's sermon, which was about discernment and the Holy Spirit, she said, one of the things to think about when you're making a decision is "is it good for the community." Ouch.

Which of course wants me to yelp, "I have been here from almost the very beginning of this community, I've done my course!" "I'm NOT a Johnny-come-lately that came to Pgh for school and left. I came back THREE times." But I think about the Out of the Gray song "We never went to Venice" (or some such) which talks about building a life right here, which I have ALWAYS advocated. And I do have a wonderful group of friends here, who would miss me, and a great support system. I don't know. I know that these doubts are part of the process--that having these doubts are not wrong, they mean that I care enough to look at it from all points.

I don't know. Something has to give. And it will. I have to trust the process, trust myself, and trust my Lord. I've started re-reading Max Lucado's book, When God whispers your name, and there's a part where he talks about his daughter and a player piano, that reminded me yesterday afternoon (and this morning) that I can't screw up God's plan:

I could see why she was so happy. She sat down to attempt "Chopsticks" but instead played "The Sound of Music." What's more, she couldn't fail. One greater than she was dictating the sound. Andrea was free to play as much as she wanted, knowing the music would never suffer.

Oh. Okay. Alright, I'll go live my life.

When I was in college and seriously considering transferring from Carlow (where I attended my first two years) to Washington College (where I did attend my last two years, and graduate) I was in serious every day, well, I don't know, what should I do? My mother, wise woman that she is, said, write it on the calendar. Every day, when you wake up, what is in your heart? In the end, I did decide to leave this city I love, and it WAS the best decision. I had two wonderful years at WAC, years that are earmarked as the two of the best years of my life. Which was such a joy, as I had had two pretty miserable ones at Carlow. (Which is not to say I didn't love Carlow, it's just that the overarching memories of Carlow were ones of growth, painful growth. The overarching memories of WAC were enjoyment.)

Of course, those memories are at least 15 years old, and thus colored by memory, which never tells the whole story.

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In other news, when I went for tea and a bagel at Tazza, there was a table of women knitting! And then I went to see Babs, who was on her way to the grocery store. She picked up yogurt and cranberry juice for me! (And my heart says, see, you'd miss these things...) (And my heart replies, I know.)

To be continued...

The charmed life, or Sarah Louise goes bonkers...

So have I told you lately that I love you?

You, my place of employ? My boss did not bat an eyelash when I emailed her today to say that although it wasn't on the work calendar, I would be working on renovating a house during the day tomorrow.

You, Sally North Hills? Who fed me leftover spaghetti and smoozed the evening away--I did go in to work for about an hour which is all my pea brain could stand. I still have no clue how I'm administering the quiz component of the book quiz* on Saturday, but I have enough questions--about 30 per team if no other teams show up. (I now have four teams.) Sally fed me two plates of venison spaghetti, veggies (of course--cuz she's a mama) and we even picked raspberries in her backyard. Plus, she lent me long jeans for the work site since I don't have a pair that fits right now (I've been wearing my J. Jill capri jeans since before Montana--I seriously need to do some laundry.) And I helped her unload and load the dishwasher and lounged on her bed while she folded laundry...I feel SO relaxed right now, I could go to bed.

Which I should, as I'll be at a work site tomorrow at 7:30 (yes, a.m.).

Oh, and did I mention that one of the weddings that I thought I wasn't invited to, the bride merely forgot to mail my invitation and was actually wondering WHY I hadn't responded yet--oops! So on top of everything else, I have a wedding on Saturday. So this week is jam-packed!! (But with nice things. And I will go to the reception for this wedding, as I have eschewed them all summer.) (Which it feels nice to feel that a wedding reception won't be a soul carving experience--I suppose it still could-might, but I'm feeling okay about things right now, and if I can hold onto that until Saturday...)

The invitation thing reminds me of the time on "Friends" when Joey convinced Monica to invite his parents to her wedding and had her call them up to personally invite them. "Tell them it got lost at the post office--they hate the post office. Oh, and the Irish." So, Monica gets on and says, "It must have gotten lost in the mail--U.S. Post office, they should call it the U.S. Lost office! What are they, Irish?"

Well, it's ten, I am going to get ready and hit the hay.

___________
*Officially the Mother-Child Smackdown.

...and so the story begins, again, for the 2000th or more time...

Palm Sunday, or as some call it, Passion Sunday.

We celebrate in the evening at the Open Door (for now, at least, though Easter is always celebrated in the morning), so I haven't been to church yet, though I have a few stops to make today:

• To the Union Project, where John will help me finish my Station: more on the miracle of that, coming later this week.
• To Bellefield for a women's breakfast, the community of women that have known me (some of them) since I was 19 and a sophomore in college. (I'm 35 now, which seems very bizarre.)
  
• To clean the apartment in preparation of the parental visit (it was walk through-able after Sally's visit, but the Station making rendered it clogged once more.)
• To greet the parents and have a meal and
  
• Off to church to celebrate with palm fronds.

bobbie (who has come back, woo hoo!) posted this morning on a post (do you see where this is going, a significant link??) from Don't Eat Alone, which sounds like what I'm working on for Easter.

So here's a taste (get it, a taste??) from Don't Eat Alone:

The first time around, I’m sure there was a much smaller gathering of the faithful at Golgotha than on what we have come to call Palm Sunday. Even the first Easter was not so well attended. I wonder how many years on it was before churches began putting out extra seating for the “Easter crowd.” I don’t know of any minister who doesn’t wonder what could be done to get more of those who come primarily on Christmas and Easter to participate more regularly and meaningfully in the congregation. The reasons for why people don’t find a more significant connection are as varied as the number of them who come: grief, pain, indifference, priorities, hurt feelings, time, to name a few. But on Easter, and maybe even Palm Sunday, they’re in the room.

Let’s start there. Don’t worry about the timing. Feed them.

Go read the rest...it will rock your socks, even if you're still in bare feet.

What hit me (except for the whole post, which almost knocked me off my chair) in this passage was that I'm agonizing over the Easter Feast. Last week at the OD, BJ asked who would be around as they were thinking to have a meal. About 30 folks raised their hands, and on about Tuesday, I shot BJ an email. "Put me on the list to help with that." Which is when BJ told me the OD was not going to have a meal. Well, shoot, I have made a point to NOT go home to see the Louise-in-Virginia family for Easter b/c it's the most important holy day for me, and I wanna be with my OD family, so there's gonna be food. So I shot off an announcement for the OD emails and I'll stand up (in front of my parents and the OD congregation) and say, "We're going to eat on Easter, please join us." (Not knowing yet who "we" are, although I did get two emails.)

Because I worry.

I worry about how many. Let's count noses and nickels.

Let's make sure there's a big to do, dag-gone-it!

Which is SO not the point, anyways.

A community can be two or more "gathered in My name."

So happy Palm Sunday. I'll be posting Lenten stuff all week, sharing about the journey of the Station I made for the OD, which will debut this afternoon at the Union Project, from 4-6. It will be part of the Unblurred First Fridays on Good Friday.

Thanks for being a part of my community. Really. I couldn't have written this without you.

Trying something else...

So, if you've been here before, you know that I use movies to inform my life. Not to tell me what to do or how to live my life, but to inform me. Apparently, it's a very right brained way of looking at life.

Yesterday's talk from Tim Keel of Jacob's Well was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G.

I can't do it justice so soon afterwards, so I'll try something else.

Jerry Maguire. Yes. Jerry Maguire. I saw this movie on a first movie date* (which I do not recommend--it's too deep for a first movie date, but the guy I was dating was big into "the gift giving holidays" so he was always giving me stuff. Ergo, I have Twister, one of the best movies ever, and Jerry Maguire. I wonder if he still has any of the stuff I gave him...the only other thing I think I've kept from that relationship is a beautifully illustrated book of Psalms. But that's another story, for another day.

I love this movie, because he's on top of the world, he crashes his own world, his world crashes, and then slowly, his life rebuilds.

Act 1: Jerry Maguire, top sports agent
Act 2: Writes a mission statement. Thinks everyone loves it.
Act 3: Everyone hates it, he gets fired and loses all his clients except two.
Act 4: He loses his other client--now he has one, and that one has an attitude problem
Act 5: He gets married to his business partner Dorothy because he likes her kid.
Act 6: The marriage fails.
Act 7: Jerry starts spending all his time with his one client, the one with the attitude problem.
(Hmm--the mission statement talks about this: more time with clients...)
The 4 am miracle: His client has a concussion, realizes that he is Beloved (at least by his fans) and he is transformed into this guy that loves everyone.
Act 8: Jerry realizes that he wants to share all this with Dorothy, who is in the room with all the divorced women.
Act 9: Jerry runs through the airport
Act 10: Jerry professes love to his wife and she accepts his love and...CURTAIN.

So, yesterday's talk needs a reading list. First stop: Henri Nouwen's article on Solitude to Ministry in 3 easy steps. (Um, that's a little humor...it's not easy at all.)

This article is essential. Here's a quote:

"So often in ministry, I have wanted to do it by myself. If it didn't work, I went to others and said, 'Please!' searching for a community to help me. If that didn't work, maybe I'd start praying."

I did not go to Sunday School. I got halfway down Euclid and realized I couldn't find the spoon I'd washed and thrown in my bag so that I could eat the yogurt on the way...does this sound familiar? I sat at a stop sign long enough to think, I need to rethink this. I found two more dirty spoons on the floor of the passenger side of my car. So I drove home. Because I needed to find that Henri Nouwen article.

Here's where Jerry Maguire comes in: There's the point in the movie where Dorothy says to Jerry, "Read what you wrote." Here's how Henri Nouwen puts it:

"Once in a while [my friends] say 'I have good advice: Why don't you read some of your own books?'"

And you know what, I'm not ready to read the last part of the article. I skimmed it. Because I'm not ready. I read the Solitude part and the Community part. I'm not ready to read the Ministry part. And I think Henri (and Tim) would be down with that. Because the concept of the article (though you really should read it) is that until you realize who you are in solitude (Beloved) you can't be in community. You will just be grabbing at people and saying, I'm lonely, you're lonely, let's get together and...well, what is that phrase, "Misery loves company?"

It's true: in my lonliness, I have become "violent and demanding and manipulative" (Henri's words).

So I'm willing to experiment for a while. I'm willing to see what God is doing in my life. And then maybe I can see what he's doing in the lives of people at the Open Door. And then maybe, someday, I can reach out to my world. Stumbling, every single step, but dancing, because I am Beloved.

Community is the place where you say, "I forgive you for only loving me a little bit. Can you forgive me for only loving you a little bit?"

This is something I have found true in my life but I've never seen it in print before this: "In the spiritual life, discipline means to create that space in which something can happen that you haven't planned or counted on."

Oh, and here's the other article Tim referenced: "Revenge of the Right Brain"

Thinking ahead: a post called, "If you build it they will come: Attractional or Attractive? What baseball movies have to say about building community."

Where you'll find me: on the sofa re-watching Jerry Maguire, and later at the movies, re-watching Amazing Grace (another movie about a failure that suceeded.)

*first movie date=not the first date, but the first movie you see as a couple.