Monday, September 22, 2008

5 minutes to write, 5 minutes to proof, and 5 min to walk out the door.

Where's my timer?

So here's the thing. We forget who we are. Daily. And we have to come back, daily. (Or at least once a week.) Otherwise, it's drama, drama, drama.

I've spent a lot of my life going after things I didn't really want. Dated men I didn't really like, applied for jobs I didn't want. Fortunately, I never got married to any of the men or got any of those jobs. But that doesn't mean I'm going to stop looking. And right now, the looking I need to do is inward--why did I date those creeps? And outward--what jobs can get me closer to my sister? Yes, I adore my church. Yes, I have great friends. But at the end of the day, my family are really the only people I want to spend more time with. Well, besides God. And he's everywhere. I don't want to make my friends to be my family. I am a single, thirty six year old woman. I want my family to be my family. I don't want to move back to DC, because it's too humid and I like cold winters. But a job where I have weekends where I can travel? Not every weekend, but every once and a while. And close enough that I don't always have to drive. I can take a train.

And yes, I have a wonderful therapist right now. And great psychiatrists. And we will continue to do great work at getting me figured out. But I'm not going to stop looking. It's not time for that yet. What it is time for is to stop fighting with myself. It is time to start fighting for me.

Nope. I'm not going to settle. And what's more, I'm going to try to stick around the folks that won't let me settle. Yes, I have a job. Yes, it is a hard economy. But I want more than what I have right now, and it has nothing to do with the amount of cash in my checkbook.

Okay, that was 12 minutes, front to back. Shoes on, off to the therapist I go. Ding!


KitchenKiki said...

if you aren't lookin' around a little, you aren't growing at all.


Sarah Louise said...


yep, growing here!