Ramona Forever--check!

Well, it wasn't the book I wanted to read--Ramona's World is perfect for starting out the school year with a group of fourth and fifth grade girls because it starts with a new school year.

And Ramona Forever has a wedding, and a baby--ick! (Well, not exactly ick, but, yes, ick!)

But I've read it once now, so I have all week to ponder it and think about how to talk about it with the girls.

A bird has landed!

Can I tell you that this is so much fun, reading Badger's old stuff? Blackbird has just left her first comment.

12/29/2004 9:09 AM (It's gotta be a historic moment, dudes!)

Stuff, n'at (n@)

So...I fell asleep with every single light on in the garret last night and woke up at 5 am. At which point I took half of the dose of meds that I normally take at bedtime. (Thank God I write under a pseudonym--I mean not that taking meds is top secret, but I wouldn't want a future employer to be reading these boring details, and then there is the stigma of psych meds.)

Anyways. So, I tried to go back to sleep, but didn't really succeed. So I blogged (prolific today?) and walked and was of course late to work. Why is it that if you wake up super early you end up late? There was a Family Circus on that, back when I still thought Family Circus was funny.

So, I've been awake since 5 a.m., am running on half my bedtime dose of meds and it's October. Oh, and I'm supposed to cut down on pop (read=soda) because I have five (count 'em) cervical cavities. That's what they're called--they're on the gumline and basically there because my meds affect my saliva and I have developed a bad habit of a mid-afternoon Coke. TMI yet?

I will be going to bed early tonight!!

So, since I've caught up with the blogs I read and also with blogs I don't always read, I decided to read Badger's archives. She started in the summer of 2004 and let me tell you, while I like the blog at the top is the most recent for current reading, it is weird to read archives that way. So I've been scrolling backwards all afternoon. (Well, since about 4:15 when I came up with this brilliant keep me awake trick.) I think one of the Blogger things they're changing after beta is storing archives chronologically as opposed to backwards chronologically. Great idea.

But it's keeping me awake. And I am smiling and occasionally laughing softly under my breath, because it is a library, even if there are children running in the puppet area screaming at the top of their lungs. (Well, there were, earlier.)

In other news, Yahoo! Mail is also available in beta, and while I like some of the new features (I haven't switched, but I read the "what's new" thing-y) it is looking very much like Microsoft Outlook, which is what I use for work. I like variety, people. I like that Yahoo! mail looks different from Outlook and that Google looks different too. I like color! I do not like small print. But apparently if you don't like Yahoo! beta you can go back. (Until when?) So, I'm in a bit of a quandry, but nothing that will keep me awake at night. (Which I could have used last night so that I could have stayed on the straight and narrow with the meds and turned off all the lights.)

Yes, I have four email accounts: 2 gmail, one for work (all my list-servs go there to die until I have a lot of time to just delete them.) and one that is now attached to my Blogger beta account. I have one for work, which I seriously was getting so much spam but it seems to be under control and I've learned how to delete the Quarentine file, so we're much happier at Chez Sarah Louise. Then I have the Yahoo! account. Which I love. It is my main mail account and I really like it. I'd love to expound on that thought and be all like "you should switch" (which you should) but the lids are getting heavy and soon it will be time to read more of Badger's archives because I'm sitting here at the Children's Reference desk for another 45 minutes. I'm up to November 28 and I just realized that maybe that is her daughter's birthday if I could do the math (she was in labor for 80 hours total.) Which is also my birthday. When I'll be 35 (we've discussed this before....)

Okay, I need to keep reading. As you were.

Even if you can quote Balzac and Shakespeare and all them other high-falutin' Greeks.

(from The Music Man)

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

I needed a quiz to tell me this?

Quiz, lifted from Badger's blog.

Give me a word, any word, and I show you that the root of that word is Greek.

(Michael Constantine as Gus Portokalos in My Big Fat Greek Wedding)

Okay, so some days I post...a lot. I can't help it that the Pens WON! Beat the Buffalo Sabres, 6-5, Woo hoo!! Although, let's pause a moment, for Buffalo, enveloped in snow. They have a driving ban. We are saddened for your loss of power--but not for the loss of the power plays!! (Whatever did I eat for breakfast?) It must be the chocolate chip cookies Sally brought in. (Yes, one of the two co-worker Sally's in my department.)

And then, I opened my work email and found this, from LIS News: a boy in Pleasant Hills raised money for a mythology center in his high school library. He is a sixteen year old autistic boy, on the honor roll. How did he raise the money? By showing My Big Fat Greek Wedding and selling his grandmother's baklava. He went before the Eagle Scout Board yesterday to see if he was granted the Eagle Status. Here's the story, from the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.

How cool is that??

And in celebrity news, thanks to my co-worker Laura, Maggie Gyllenhaal has named her baby Ramona. How did this come up in conversation, you ask? Astute of you to wonder. I'll tell yins:

Ramona's World is the book I chose for Mother Daughter Book Club. However, it is not the book we'll be discussing. Why, you ask? Well, because, in my mind, I flipped the titles and for all the press, for all the publicity, sent out that we'd be doing Ramona Forever. I only just realized my mistake yesterday when I visited Munchkin's Bookshelf (a children's bookstore in the North Hills) and saw my bookmarks in the book, Ramona Forever. Wait, I thought. This is not the book I picked...**sigh** So I went back and saw that it was no one's fault but my own, as I checked old emails. So now I have a week to read Ramona Forever, which is plenty of time. I'll probably read it tonight--Crossing Jordan doesn't come back on air until NEXT Friday.

Oh, and in case you were keeping track: next month's Mother Daughter will be Charlotte's Web, giving me a real life work related excuse to bone up on my spider knowledge, now that they have become my fascination. Sally (yes, the chocolate chip cookie baker) is doing spiders for the "Pajama Storytime" tonight. A book I want to snag from her when she's done: Someone saw a spider: spider facts and folktales. Last week was a full moon (could you tell I went a little looney?) and she did moon stories. The moon pictures she made still festoon the children's program room.

Another reason I'm not so crazy about fall: I don't get to be around my dad, who loves to make piles of leaves for you to jump in and go va-va-voom! I could hear him in my mind every time I came upon a mini pile on my walk this morning. My mom makes leaf houses with many rooms. I'll try to find a childhood picture...

If you're going to play the game properly, you'd better know every rule.

(Barbara Jordan, politician)

The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.
(Maureen Dowd, columnist)

Every morning for weeks I've been meaning to look up this passage. Since I have no other words, these will have to do:

"We rounded a curve and I saw one tree, standing in the middle of a little pasture, a golden tree. Of course, it wasn't really gold, but it looked as if every leaf had been painted over with liquid gold, the way it shone. I watched that tree as we came up to it, with gray clouds behind it; I kept my eyes on it as we drove away and left it behind. In my head, the miniaturee Izzy was just sitting there, knocked down by it, her eyes big with looking." (Izzy Willy Nilly, p. 169, Cynthia Voigt)

I'll come back and talk about page 175. But right now, the morning has gotten to the point of I HAVE to get going or I'll be late.

Buh-bye!

Whatever....

My friend Sally (well one of them--if you've been reading long enough you know I have many friends and co-workers with this name) has a shirt.

In big letters, it says, "Whatever." Which was a very "in" word a few years ago. Sometimes shortened to "Whateve." Sis, or as we often affectionally call each other, Bird, says this too much sometimes.

I'm in a place right now where I know what I really need to do FIRST is do my Beth Moore homework, take my walk, practice patience and wisdom.

But first I had to share this with you:

(which is the rest of the text of Sally's shirt)

Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.

This part is not on her shirt:

Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me, put into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. (Phillipians 4:8-9, NIV.)

Autumnal photography--Margaret are you grieving?

Okay, I was planning to upload 5 pictures but you know, this beta thing is dicey sometimes. And I have to get on with my day. This is the brick road on my west walk. (So, that would have been Tuesday.) Stay tuned, if I have time later I'll post other ones. The rest are from my east walk, which takes me towards the park, if not in (depending on the time alottment the day allows.)

I had a lot to say, but somehow working with the photos (I had about 245 dating back from August in my camera) slowed and quieted me. I'll be witty later.

Ciao!

Dear dear people

So I am up, now.

Serves me right for falling asleep to Bill Moyers at 9:45ish.

There is a dear woman in my Bible study right now. She is so dear to me because she married a man that I knew from a Bible study I was in right after grad school. A man that was (yes) too young for me (always robbing the cradle, that SL) and still getting his feet wet as far as his faith went. I saw him go through many a girlfriend and never liked a one. I thought it was sour grapes. But I sit next to her sometimes and when she talks about the inheritance we have in Christ, I think, he got a good one, he did. There is something so precious about that...I don't have words.

I wonder about the tests that have my name on them and wonder which ones I'll have final exams on in this fall.

I quipped to Kelly at dinner, "oh, speed dating, like when you think you're....oops, nope!" (She was comparing courting hospitals for residencies to speed dating.) The problem with me is that I take that moment of nuance, that it seems like it might be something but is really non-speed dating and then obsess about it for MONTHS, years, even, afterwards. The other party has moved on and I'm still turning over what I could have said differently.

I feel very Carrie Bradshaw-esque right about now...

Frank is crooning right now, "You make me feel so young."

I have no idea if we're doing Show and Tell this week (I missed last week) but I promise to post fall photos tomorrow morning. I have had three social scenarios for tomorrow morning and the jury isn't out on what I'm doing at noon so I have decided to hibernate and work on this garret of mine, perhaps find that pesky library book that someone has been waiting for since mid-September. Where is it???

Now Petula is singing "Don't sleep in the subway, darling" and I think it's time for a dose of Hollywood's best sleeping pill: "You've Got Mail."

G'nite.

Momma said there'd be days like this...

...and it's not over yet!!

Our dept manager in Children's called in sick for the second day in a row. I sent my co-worker (also sick) home at 2pm and am staying an hour extra to man (woman?) the desk from 5-6. (Making it a 9 hr day--fun.) Which also means I've been on the desk (serving the public) since 2 pm. Thankfully it is now 5 and I can soon (51 minutes and counting!) go to dinner!

And I don't have to cook--we're discussing the practice of eating at BJ's!

Two Mother Goose sessions went well--I had 50 in the first session and 9 in the second. (This includes mothers, babies, and siblings.) It was nice to have an intimate group for the second session--I haven't had so few folks in AGES! Also, a woman called around 2:30 (right about when I was feeling a little blue) and said, oh, are you Sarah Louise, did you do the storytime at 10? Ye-es, I said, thinking, is this a lost and found question? She sung my praises. To me! She loved it and is thinking of rearranging her work schedule so that she can come more often. WOW! I told her, you just made my day. She said, you just made my week. (Don't you love that kind of a competetive conversation?)

Sometime later, a woman said, your hair is getting long (it's up, how can they tell?) and said it looked nice.

Around 3:40, I had an unanswerable question about Accelerated Readers and so I called Children's at Carnegie Main. I ended up talking to one of my professors from Library School, who part times in that department. (He was an adjunct, but still!) (Also, very cute, AND my age AND Christian, but he doesn't like girls, drat!)

And just now, I helped a nanny pick 5 books each for "her girls" off (guess what) an Accelerated Reader list for each one. We walked the stacks and I just handed her books, it's so much easier than looking them up in the computer.

Did I mention that I love my job? Did I? Cuz I do.

Also, I was disappointed when I didn't get to have lunch with our new Children's District Manager, because (see above) our Department Manager was out sick. And I didn't know lunch was cancelled until noon, although she had known since last night!! (I could have brought my lunch and or my homework for Patriarchs and or my 30 page questionaire!!) Instead, I went to lunch at J.Clarks and the waitress called me "hon." Even when she had to run my card through twice (Friday is payday, thank God!)

23 minutes to go...I am exhausted!!

One of my major projects (do not laugh!) has been purging my email files. I have a bad habit of keeping everything and our email only has 66000 mb or something like that. So every day I have been getting "Your email account is full." So today, as I had four hours on the desk, I have purged tons of emails. Trashing a lot. Sending the good stuff (articles from my dad from the New York Times--actually a lot of obits of people like Paula Danziger, Czeslaw Milosz, and articles about friends of friends of the family like Avery Dulles, and articles about places, like, you guessed it, Warsaw) to my Gmail and Yahoo! email accounts.

(I hit publish at 5:45 when my replacement showed up. It is now 40 minutes into tomorrow, Thursday and I am up b/c I fell asleep in front of PBS and Charlie Rose woke me up. I watched an interesting interview with Sandra Bullock and some guy who plays Truman Capote in a new movie and then Anna Quindlen. Hmm. A guy I worked with at Fox Books loved watching Charlie Rose. I was thinking about him on the ride into work today. Wondering what has happened to him. Thinking mayhap it's time to google him again. Thinking mayhap I should not. So--I was asleep when Carolyn commented, and I'll cuddle under the covers in a few minutes. Dinner at BJ's was great--it fascinates me week to week who the "key players" are in my mind. Ah, people watching.)

Any book that starts in a library (Sarah Louise commences to read Possession)

Babs and Suse sing its praises, so...

Well...it took me long enough, and I'm not promising this will be my only read as Nick and the Nerd (a teen romance in the 'Love Stories' series) is quite compelling and I do have all my Patriarchs homework. But I just unearthed my copy and it smells like a good book and I skimmed the first two pages...this lept off the page:

"The London Library was Roland's favorite place."

Off for my walk--I'm going east again. (I went west yesterday and that was a disaster!!)

Also, today is my first day with two sessions (back to back) of Mother Goose Storytime. Say a prayer!!

October is the cruelest month, actually...

So today was my day to visit Bellefield Towers, home of major studies of bipolar disorder. There are only 17 places in the nation that conduct what is called STEP-BD. (Systematic Treatment Enhancement Program for Bipolar Disorder) I was in the STEP-BD program for a while but now am in a different study, Bipolar patients of Western Pennsylvania (or something like that.) As a study participant, I see my social worker and psychiatrist at least every two months at which time I get asked questions about my sleep schedule, any anxiety, depression, etc. At each visit, I get a stack of questionaires: five pages to fill out before I leave their office and if it is a "two month check-up visit" I get another stack of about thirty pages for which I get paid $80 after I finish. Which is peanuts compared to how much this disorder has cost me in my life financially and in general over the past nine years of diagnosis and the approximately nine years I was undiagnosed.

Today my psychiatrist was late, so my social worker and I chatted about life in general. I told her how for me October is the worst month--summer in general is bad, but then September ship shapes everyone into order. But October--nothing. I suppose if I was a kid, Hallowe'en would be something to think about, but at this point in my life it doesn't carry much of a charge in the thrilling department. When I finally got in to talk to my psychiatrist (whom I adore: he is this blond Northern Italian man who is always cheerful and professional) around 2:30 instead of 2:00, he asked me how I was and I told him. This is actually the best October so far--for me. So I think that's why for the first time since I've seen him, he's divulged that all his other patients are doing pretty poorly and that October is one of the highest suicide months, up there with January and February. I backed up and said, don't think I'm doing perfectly--I cry and laugh every day when I take my walk, this is how I get through the days without thinking about how to end it all. (Although I am rarely, if ever, truly suicidal.) We talked about increasing my meds during my monthly hormone week. (This I think will be a true breakthrough.)

So if it seems that I have been posting A LOT, it's partly because to me, writing is living, and right now, I need to be living. If I am going to be grouchy, withdrawn, sobbing, laughing too loud, this is going to be one of the months it will happen. If I seem to be caught up on things that happened a long time ago or reacting excessively to things that didn't even catch a blip on anyone else's radar screen, it's because I am extremely close to the edge.

This is one of my favorite quotes. I haven't found the source, but I will, soon.

"Come to the edge," he said.
They said, "We are afraid."
"Come to the edge," he said again.
They came.
He pushed them...and they flew. (Guillame Appollinaire)

There are a lot of you out there lurking. That's fine. But don't be surprised if I am checking my sitemeter (gotta figure out how to add it back, now that my blog has switched over to the dark--I mean--beta side) to try to figure out who you are.

Today Beth Moore talked to us about tests. How God tested Abraham. He knew how Abraham would act, that he would pass the test. But God had to test Abraham so that Abraham would know how he would act, and never forget the experience. And that Abraham's test had his name on it, just like all of our tests have our names on ours. Which means it isn't a general exam for everyone and it means that we will never have to take anyone else's test. Which are both reliefs and not. Don't we always think, "If I had her situation, I'm sure I'd deal with it better/differently?" But no, we have our own homework, and peeking over to Peggy Sue's paper isn't going to help us with our particular quadratic equation.

Sitting there, thinking about tests, I remembered how it took six times before I passed my driver's test: in Maryland they test you on three point turns and parallel parking. I was maneuvering a standard shift VW station wagon--and I don't think it had power steering.

I remembered how it took three tries before I successfully rode a bike, and that was in my early twenties.

And as Beth talked about the sacrifice Abraham was being asked to make (give up Isaac, his son named for laughter), I thought about the sacrifices made by my family: my grandmother's parents when Anna Van Dine went to Brazil in 1924 to teach English at an Engineering School. She married her first husband there. She returned to the U.S., divorced. My mother's lesson in this was that "her first husband wasn't a Christian." My grandfather also had a failed starter marriage. (His first wife wasn't a Christian either.) They had already met before they went off and married other people, so when my grandmother returned from Brazil, they were reunited by help of a mutual friend and eventually married each other when they were 36. (In the 1930s, this was REALLY old to get married, and NO ONE divorced!!) My mom was born when Grandma was 40. (While that happens all the time in 2006, in 1943, it was pretty unusual.) Then my mom grew up and went off to Tehran, Iran, to teach at a Presbyterian mission school. It was like while Beth talked about her own daughter going to England, I could see the pain of my grandmother and grandfather, letting their youngest daughter go halfway across the world, in the days before email. And then when my mom married my dad, how it meant we were all always gone. My grandparents didn't get to come to school plays. We visited them in the summers that we got Home Leave (I can't remember if that was every year.)

I always knew I sacrificed a lot as a child, being carted from country to country, powerless to the changes. But I had never really thought about what a sacrifice it was for my grandparents. My parents just did it. They had the choice, I don't know that they thought of it as "a sacrifice." There were sacrifices along the way, but my father's job required the travel, and my mother enjoyed the travel. I'm just rambling. I suppose these are thoughts that I'll come back to again and again, as I puzzle out my place in my family, in this world, in Pittsburgh.

Thanks for reading! I'm listening to Really Rosie performed by Carole King right now. And now I'll finish cataloguing it...

Sleep, who needs sleep?

So I just spent a half hour labeling a bunch of posts, changing up the template, etc. Be impressed. Very impressed. I think my two favorite categories are "hair agony" (love lorn) (which translates into any situation where I'm sick of being single, and not any particular love that was lorn.) and "hockey" which is synonymous with ice skating for purposes of this blog. I'll probably simplify, it was very organic and will refine itself but I now have to fall into bed. I have a busy day tomorrow:

• lunch with one of my favorite bloggers, Eileen.
• WBS (The Patriarchs continue. Sarah died, though. Abraham weeps and pays too much to buy a gravesite.)
• see the social worker and then the shrink. Fill out tons of paperwork. Remind me to not become bipolar in my next life...
• work until 9 pm.
  

(everything is chronologically listed except for dessert -- I mean lunch.)

Blogger Beta: Check!

Very exciting. I know you can't see anything different, but the email comments are wunderbar--I got one comment already and it tells you which post the comment is on! (Instead of scrolling around to figure out which post someone commented "that's so funny!) (Which is a perfectly accceptable comment, btw.)

I am very excited (not exited) and stay tuned.

Meanwhile, here are a few bloggers I know that are using beta:

Emerging Sideways (bobbie)
Weirdbunny (weirdbunny)

I get to put labels--this is too exciting!!

Oh, and Babs said those magic five words today: "I have my own skates!"

Other things we do: Terzo's baptism

Us non-hair cutting types also post, A LOT. It defuses any one emotion and hides the real ones unless you're good at hide and seek.

So Saturday was bad (see Carolyn's questionaire, two or four posts down). I hate hormones but they do seem to make things clear that were otherwise murky as pea soup.

So Sunday, I had one of those God taking me by the scruff of my neck and whispering "left, now right, right, now another left." It's documented in scripture here: Isaiah 30:21.

I woke up and thought, I have GOT to go to morning church. Which in my mind means Bellefield. God had other ideas. I thought, I am starving, which on Sunday means Tazza. God had other ideas when someone handed me a muffin the day before at the end of the conference.

I went for my walk. It was like the worst walk ever. It was like two years ago that summer when my mother would say, go for a walk, then call me. (I was so very depressed. Let me tell you, endorphins don't kick in like that when you're very depressed.) Even the smiling dogs didn't make me smile. I played a not so bad game of catch the ball with the wall, though. My eye-hand coordination is great!

I came in, surfed a little, commented a little, posted a little. Got hungry, found the muffin, got my quarters, went to get a newspaper. Minnie, my little old Italian neighbor was waiting for her ride to church. I hadn't seen her since the mayor's funeral (we watched it together) so it was great to catch up. She's one of the reasons I want to live on my street forever. She is like a third grandma to me, which is good since the first two are gone now. So I chatted with her about my family and who's living on the second floor now until her ride came. Then I walked with her to the sidewalk and then I walked down to get my paper.

Can I tell you HOW much I adore living in the 'Burgh? When the mayor's wife's quote on the front page of the Post-Gazette is "What does your husband do?" "He works for the city." I want to hug this 26 year old woman who is of all things, a hairstylist, my dream job. I want to go to Summer Hill and be her best friend. I may send her a card--I'm sure everyone wants to be her best friend after reading that article. Then I read about "one of America's great websites" which is a play on the tagline of the Post-Gazette, which appeared the summer the statue of Caliguiri went up, the summer I was job hunting in Pittsburgh, yes folks, it was 1993. How old were you? Don't answer that. The tagline for the Post-Gazette is "one of America's great newspapers." Well, "all the news that's fit to print" was taken, and many transplants will point out that the PG prints a lot that isn't fit or news, but I am a loyalist. If you want to say something bad about my Steelers, Pens, Pirates, newspapers, presidents, say it somewhere else. It is in my DNA to be loyal until the end. Other things I'm loyal to: the New York Times, my family, and my friends. I'm my daddy's daughter, and in that world, the president is the president, whether you agree with him or not. And if I was stupid, I would share some PERSONAL examples of why there are some presidents I should have not respected. I didn't say like. I said respect, because it takes a lot to get there and a lot to stay there. Alright, I'm done with that particular rant.

Okay, look, the sky is pink, so I'll maybe pick up this train of thought later. I have a date for a walk in the sunrise. Buh-bye!

Oh, and here's the recap: because part of the plan for yesterday (left, now right here) was going to Terzo's baptism. Here's what I wrote as a comment on BB's blog:

"Well, for me, the main thing about infant baptism is twofold:

the village and the church say, even though you are a crying squirming person that can't talk, we take you in. You don't have to behave to belong.

Two, the village says, we will watch out for you (and your family) to ensure we do the most to allow you to explore where God wants you to go.

The service was beautiful. The day, weatherwise, was perfect. The waffles, they were delicious.

I want to break out into Louis Armstrong and sing "What a wonderful World."

Where I'm from: Bonnie in the basement

When things go sour, some people cut or dye their hair. Other people scrounge their rough drafts to find something that fits the occasion. Assume this is fictional, as none of the people in it exist anymore.

My bonnie lies over the ocean
My bonnie lies over the sea
My bonnie lies over the ocean
My bonnie lies over the sea
My bonnie lies over the ocean
Please bring my bonnie to me...

I'm from hot chocolate for a quarter, the ping pong table folded up in the corner,
glasses left on top of the fridge all summer,
and everyone but you walking in.

Down a flight of stairs, turn left.
There's a place right outside for the smokers, and a place right inside with a plaque:
The Shaque.

Prayers stain tears in my eyes, I laugh to remember my ping pong morning it seems so long ago.
Today when I visited my rocks, there were eight.

It was raining and my umbrella is missing, and for a while, so were you.

But you found me and then I got lost. Will it be like sending in the clowns?

She will be loved, she will be loved.
Please bring my bonnie to me.

"The latest thing"

Carolyn tagged me and well, I have this quiz or one like it to thank for getting me back in touch after being out of touch with a friend for almost six years. So here goes.

1. FIRST NAME? Suzi. I changed the spelling from Susie to Suzy in college and at some point changed the y to an i. Turns out, it's very German. (Oh ack--did I just out myself?) I'm sorry, I'll not be Sarah Louise for this. (Although that might be a fun exercise...)

2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? No...I was supposed to be a boy and be Andrew because my due date was Nov 30. My parents had some Catholic friends who had told them Nov 30 was St. Andrew's day. So my middle name is Andrea.

3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? Last night. I sobbed and sobbed and I couldn't stop. It's the hormones, it's the lonliness, it's going to a seminar on churches and realizing the one you go to is pretty darn good but still lacks REAL community.

4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? In fourth grade I was given a prize at the end of the year for "most improved penmanship." It's been all downhill from there. I write big and messy.

5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? Lebanon Baloney. We only get it at the Lake. I don't generally buy lunch meat, cause it goes bad and there's only me to eat it. Pastrami is second.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Yes, but I'd buy stock in Kleenex.

7. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? This is like that quote from Wayne's World, only backwards. "A gun rack... a gun rack. I don't even own *a* gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack. What am I gonna do... with a gun rack?" Let's see, I have a beautiful notebook that lives in my purse. I have the blog. I have a folder in "My Documents." I have a shelf in my closet of all my journals from high school. So I guess the answer would be Yes, yes, and yes.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? I don't think so.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? That would be a "no."

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Post Honey Bunches of Oats.

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Good grief, no. (Stolen from Carolyn, verbatim.)

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? I'm stronger than a bread box. (again, verbatim from C.)

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Ben and Jerry's Chubby Hubby. It is ambrosia.

14.SHOE SIZE? 7 1/2 or 8. What? Yes, my shoe size went down when my arches got higher. I used to be an 8 1/2.

5. RED OR PINK? If you have to ask... (although I always get compliments when I WEAR red.)

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? My tendency to get depressed (surprisingly, half of Carolyn's verbatim.)

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? It's not a who really. I miss having a friend like in high school, someone to hang out with and roar with laughter together. (verbatim, again.) I miss having friends on weekends. All my friends have family on Saturday/Sunday, and I have work on Saturday and Sunday is the worst until church, which is at night!

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? I want everyone who wants to do this to do it. How's that? (verbatim, again.)

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS, SHIRT AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? I'm not dressed yet--it's 7:14 in the morning. I'm wearing an old robe of my uncle's.

20. LAST THING YOU ATE? Part of a white meat dinner at Boston Market. Then they played the Everly Brothers "Bye Bye Love" and I lost my appetite.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Surrounded, a CD of praise music compiled by a worship group at Hope College, the alma mater of my parents, grandparents, and brother. It was a Christmas present a few years back. I'm surprised I haven't worn it out, for as many times I've listened to it.

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? I hate this question. Pink.

23. FAVORITE SMELL? A red red rose. (I don't know. I'm not really a smell person.)

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My mom. They're in Williamsburg this weekend.

25. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? No idea. It's different every time.

26. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Yes, yes I do! (This is a good answer. A weird answer is "Sure" as in "do you want fries with that?" "Sure." But it's okay, doll, I've gotten over it!!)

27. FAVORITE DRINK? Fresh squeezed lemonade.

28. FAVORITE SPORT? To do: ice skating. To watch: hockey.

29. EYE COLOR? Brown.

30. HAT SIZE? Why, are you going to buy me one? I have no clue. I do like hats, though...

31. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Yes.

32. FAVORITE FOOD? That's like asking Imelda Marcos to pick out a favorite pair of shoes. Come on now. (verbatim from Carolyn.) Mexican/Latin American, if I'm pressed, though. Tortillas with re-fried beans and sour cream.

33. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy Endings (verbatim.)

35. SUMMER OR WINTER? Winter.

36. HUGS OR KISSES? Both.

37. FAVORITE DESSERT? Backlava.

38. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Do I LOOK like a magic eight ball? (verbatim.)

39. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? See question 38. (this is getting embarassing....verbatim)

40. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? Well, at least you didn't ask what book (singular). Riding the bus with my sister, Sahara Special (on audio), the Book of Genesis, Eat Cake...

41. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE Pad? e.encyclopedia. It's an ad for a DK book. I got it for free at a library conference.

42. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? I watched Men in Black, again.

43. FAVORITE SOUNDS? When Abraham sings in between the verses at church.

44. ROLLING STONE OR BEATLES? Beatles. "I wanna hold your hand..."

45. THE FURTHEST YOU'VE BEEN FROM HOME? Moscow, Russia. It was a 24 hour train ride from where I lived at the time, Warsaw, Poland. And I'm sure it still qualifies as far far away from Pittsburgh.

46. WHAT'S YOUR SPECIAL TALENT? Making and giving gifts.

47. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Columbia Women's Hospital, Washington D.C. The city remains, but the hospital is gone.

48 WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Carolyn. What, were you not paying attention?

There is no agony like bearing an untold story inside of you.

(Maya Angelou)

A writer writes. (Sahara Jones)

If you don't want what you want, then you're not going to get it. (Madonna)

So take a new grip with your tired hands, stand firm on your shaky legs and mark out a straight smooth path for your feet, so that those who follow you, though weak and lame, shall not fall and hurt themselves but become strong. (Hebrews 12:12)

Soon, very soon, will be the time to start back on my writing project. It is bubbling up. I'll keep yins posted.

Draw me close

(Kelly Carpenter)

Just finished watching In Her Shoes. Toni Collette is my new favorite actress. I think I have Muriel's Wedding somewhere.

The last day of the conference was good but exhausting. My laugh -- well, at one point Doug (we're on first name basis) had to say "She's with me" because I laughed so hysterically at this one thing. No one else thought it was funny--it was a droll joke, the kind only I seem to get.

At lunch, I went for a walk--there were no sidewalks, but I was too fragile to stick around for small talk. This not working on Saturdays can be dangerous for my inner schedule. I'm serious!!

I took some pictures. One of these days, I'll post them.

I'm a mess. Oh well. Abate is closed, so I'm off to the Elbow Room for some grub.

Jesus wants me for a sunbeam...

No, this is not the song I woke up with. But it came to me whilst washing my hair in the Poconos, back in August (has it been that long?).

A sunbeam shines. A sunbeam cannot administer anything but beams.

And so it is with me. I cannot fix anyone, nor should I. (I have this meglomaniac ego that if I don't do something, it a) won't get done or b) won't get done right.)

The moon is full. It is morning, and I know the sun has risen in the east, and outside my window, to the west, I can see the full moon peeking behind my neighbor's tree.

Off I go to the third and final day of The Heart of the Emergent Church. Last night, instead of getting there early enough to go to Applebees for dinner, I mistakenly drove PAST Zelionople (FAR, FAR away) and so had enough time to go to Target and get my necessaries and a hot dog for dinner.

But first my walk. I generally walk east, but I wonder if I walk west I'll get to see the moon...

No, I need to walk east. I need to see my gardens. My heart aches for Warsaw. (I bet you no other blogger says that more than once in her career...)

**********

'm back. Terzo is getting christened this weekend. Last night in the conversation about "Missional in the Suburbs," David said something that hit me, just as I danced past a woman scowling at me in a car. (Hey--it's a free world.) The attractional model says "Behave first, then we'll accept you." The missional model says, "I'm coming to you, where you live. You already belong, because you belong to me." Is there any dearer way to say this than to a child who doesn't have even language to say no? It's like the Runaway Bunny.

Carrots, anyone?

And yes, I'll be late to the third day. But the prayer last night made my heart curdle, though it tried to have the opposite effect. You can't microwave a moment. Elijah only heard the "still small voice" after an earthquake and a storm. It was a prayer that didn't take into account that I would be driving home alone after having a married man look at me "The way God sees that person." And the thing is, the woman who said the prayer is single too. She should have known better. Or maybe I am still learning how to protect my heart--I shouldn't have sat next to that man.

And a wise woman once said, "It's your retreat." Well, I paid my $16. I showed up last night and the night before. I needed to take my walk and spend some time with God as I haven't been able to the past coupla days. I needed that much more than I need to hear what Doug Pagitt has to say about the Emergent church. I'm sure he will be wonderful. (HE IS TALL!) But I needed my refreshment. I needed my best friend to play tennis with me. I needed to cry and to laugh. And I didn't know it, but I needed some dogs to smile at me. Which they did.

I am Sarah Louise. I chose this city. I chose to be far from my family because I love the geography of Western Pennsylvania--it feeds me. I am a writer because "a writer writes." (and rewrites--this has been gone over now three times at least.) I am a photographer because my mom gave me her brownie camera when I was a girl. But often enough, I am also an orphan. I try so hard not to be.

And my darn car no longer gets AM radio, so I will have to catch The Fantastiks in its matinee, tomorrow. When I'll be making a feast for church. We'll be practicing the practice of "Eating." Hmm...what will I make? (I won't tell!)