When I was younger, so much younger than today...

Help, I need somebody,
Help, not just anybody,
Help, you know I need someone, help.

When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me.

And now my life has changed in oh so many ways,
My independence seems to vanish in the haze.
But every now and then I feel so insecure,
I know that I just need you like I've never done before.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me.

When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these daya are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me, help me, help me, oh.

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, so today I'm borrowing Badger's NaPoBloMo theme and using lyrics.

I have set a time clock and I will live by it. Right now I have 13 minutes to write this post. I may come back in the afternoon and edit it, but if I want a walk, and I do! I do! I have to get ready for work, drive to work, and THEN it will be light enough for me to take a walk.

So I've made a decision: to buy a two year car. Like a 96 or 98 with high mileage, something I won't have to borrow money to buy. Because I have credit card debt that I also need to address, and going into more debt doesn't make sense.

GAH. This is not what my father and I have been discussing. I think he will understand, and I do have someone here in Pgh who can look at a car and make sure it's not a lemon.

But I'm scared. I love the phrase from this song,

When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.

Wow. I went off on a tangent... (just deleted a whole paragraph, something I've been thinking about.) I just gave myself 5 more minutes and I realize I can take a walk here and then go to work, it's light enough out there to walk now.

And if this song is about drugs, keep it to yourself.

Well, there goes the time clock again. My aim is not to have a great post every day, just to have one. So there you go. And there go I. Off to WALK.

It's a new day...current events (day two of napoblomo)

Well, 24 hrs have not passed, but I officially am insomniac (so exhausted I can't sleep) and so since it is officially Friday, here goes my daily post.

Currently reading: How to Murder a Millionaire by Nancy Martin, the first of the "Blackbird Sister mysteries" It's light, full of old money socialites in Philadelphia. A good diversion.

Currently on, not exactly watching, but I'd hoped it would lull me to sleep: Runaway Bride.

Currently humming: my heater, which I turned on. It's COLD!

Currently looking forward to: that extra hour on Sunday morning. I intend to use it to plant tulip bulbs. Also, the guilty pleasure of skating on Saturday night, when I probably should be looking at cars. (There once was a boy named Pierre, who only would say "I don't care") Well, I care dearly, but I am EXHAUSTED. And I need a break.

Currently clean: a bunch of shirts that I laundered earlier today when NH Sally came to help me clean/de-clutter for the birthday fete next week.

Currently in my trunk (pardon, the rental car's trunk): at least five bags of recyclable paper and two bags of plastic bags. One of the things Sally is really good at is going through my piles of mail (which I accumulate endlessly) and throwing out the junk. She also folded some laundry. Did I mention she is my very own personal saint?

Currently advocating: that if you are registered to vote, you do so on Tuesday. I don't care who you vote for, but it's important!! In da Burgh, we have a mayoral election and the county and city have school board elections. I will be working the polls on Tuesday.

Currently wondering: when I'll be relaxed enough to consider trying to hit the pillow again. Hmm, maybe I'll give it a shot.

Currently: signing off. Ta!

Wee Willie Winkie
Runs through the town
Upstairs, downstairs,
In his night gown.
Rapping at the window,
crying through the lock
"Are all the children in their beds?
For now it's eight o'clock!"

Happy November!

Yes, it is the month of:

my birthday
Max's birthday
my cousin's birthday (today!)
NaBloPoMo (post to your blog every single day, no cheating.)
NaNoWriMo (write a novel in a month, no cheating.)
Thanksgiving (in the U.S.)

....and many other things.

I am officially on the fence about NaBloPoMo. I did it last year but some laptop issues over Thanksgiving meant I missed a day or two. And it's not like I don't have a ton to do this month (like plan and orchestrate a birthday party and buy a car). But posting every day--if I could post one picture from this summer each day, that would fill the month. But I have been trying to reign in my online time (I have been online since 6 something and now it is 8:30.) So I'm on the fence, big time.

But there's something about me that likes to join, join, join. It's a sickness, people. Truly. One day at a time...ooh, that could be my theme! And I could post from books about writing, like Bird by bird and Writing down the bones...

Stay tuned...

Just when I was about to do a really meaty post about Dewey Decimal Classification...

...I stumbled onto this article. How, you might ask, did I go from my work email (a Publisher's weekly newsletter) to a New York Magazine article about Sex and the City?

Easy--PW blog post about Dumbledore's sexual orientation announcement to
NYM list of other characters whose outing wouldn't surprise to
NYM list of characters who need to die to
NYM Article about Mr. Big to
NYM Article about SATC movie.

Talk amongst yourselves. I'll come back and dissect the article about SATC later.

I have bits of things to blog about running around in my head, like the t-shirt I saw today at Mother Goose (on a 2 year old): "I still live at home with my parents." A few weeks ago I saw one that said "The tiara makes me taller."

A book I checked out today: Pass it down: 5 picturebook families make their mark by Leonard Marcus, children's lit researcher extraordinaire. (will link later.)

Our dept. won the 5th annual pumpkin decorating contest!! Which means we get free lunch at our restaurant of choice. I think it will be Red Lobster. The theme was Wizard of Oz.

Of course, there are other things, like I keep walking up to other blue cars, and realizing they are not my rental.

And my folks are going to help pay for the rental which makes me a little less in the category of abject and on the way to the poorhouse and needing to buy a car, any car, today or tomorrow. Max said, it's a luxury to have parents that can help out. Yes, I said, and I'm glad we both have that luxury. He's off to visit the folks for a few days. I'll miss him, but I'm going ice skating Saturday night, cuz he won't go with me, so I'll go by myself. You're invited, btw, details are here (link this later.)

Also have been working on the evite for my birthday party. I am an end of November baby, but anyone that is born between Nov 10 and January 15 or so can attest, birthdays are often Birthday-Christmas celebrations. So I celebrate all of November, as much as I can get away with.

As soon as I hit publish, I know I'll remember something else I was meaning to mention, something about...

I don't want to work, I just want to bang on the drums all day...

or just get out there and test-drive some cars...

"and when October goes..." *

Oh am I ever so glad to see this month out the door and say, "buh-bye!"

Next year I plan to take a vacation in October to combat its vileness. But this year, I merely say, "Good riddance, scram, and ciao!"

I feel the depression lifting off my shoulders as I think about my upcoming birthday (which I pretty much celebrate the whole month of November), and the holiday season. Having worked "retail Christmas" for 7 years, I get a thrill when the holidays come...

But two articles on Beliefnet.com spoke to me today. One, by Tony Campolo, talks about how Christians need to pay attention to depression, not just say, pray and it will be better. Another, "Halloween Blues" speaks to tomorrow, and fleshes out why I have plans already to spend Halloween with a friend. As a single woman without children, Halloween can be worse than Valentine's Day, because most women married or single have issues with VD. But if you have a child in your life, you will be giving out candy or dressing them up. I do not want to be someone's mom today, or tomorrow. Thanks but no thanks. But Halloween stands as an undeniable reminder that I am not in that particular "club."

I thought I had more, but I guess not. I will rejoice, tomorrow, in ushering out the month that begins with the letter O.

______________________
*Barry Manilow/Johnny Mercer

and there was much rejoicing...

No, I didn't get a car. I just got the news that the most recent one I heard about is about $2-3K out of my range. (But it was nice of my friend to ask his dad about it for me...)

The rejoicing is about my new (not just new to me, but actually new) VCR/DVD player combo that works! I had to get a RF modulator at Radio Shack and then I had to CALL Radio Shack for instructions on how to make it work, but hey, it works now!

I'm ready for a nap, dinner, or something...

Oh, and NH Sally and I looked at my budget. Tight times are here. It's not pretty, but I have to cut out stuff so that I can squeeze in a car payment. (Meanwhile, I need to find TIME to look for one...)

I think it must be time for Veggie Taa-a-aa-a-aa-a-aa-a-ales! (NH Sally lent me the one with Esther.)

*************

Am watching Monsters Inc. How I adore that movie!!

Scary Books (2nd ed.)

Have never read Stephen King. But this post* reminds me of the Friends episode when Rachel finds The Shining in the freezer. "Why is this book in the freezer?" And so Joey explains that it got too scary. And that he rereads it. And the only book Rach has reread is Little Women, and so Joey starts to read it and at one point when it's getting scary, Rach asks Joey if he wants to put it in the freezer.

Due to Bab's having finished The Haunting of Hill House (or as my cover reads, b/c of the eight year old movie, The Haunting), I re-started that last Sunday afternoon. Yeah, I see no reason to read Stephen King, Shirley Jackson is scary enough.

And talk about scary, Max and I are going to a dealership this afternoon to look at cars.

Revision to 1st ed: Car dealerships don't seem to be open on Sundays in Pittsburgh. Go figure. I haven't decided which to do: take a nap, bath, or a walk.

________________________________
*Babs writes about scary stuff, very seasonal, ghosts in houses and other places and how Stephen King has molded her imagination regarding bathrooms at night.

Call me Mara...* (Edition 3.5)

Okay, I am almost at the point of bitterness here.

Which may seem surprising, since I was so upbeat last post.

Well, I still have this cold, I still don't have a car, I'm still paying $200 a week for a rental until I get one of my own. (And then I'll have a car payment, but at least it won't be WEEKLY.)

I don't have a working VCR or DVD player (and hello, movies and TV reruns on DVD are my drug of choice main comfort source?)

I have given myself 7 minutes to blog b/c I have to haul myself to work. I'm sick of working every Saturday. And I'll be working at least part of every Monday until Christmas to obliterate my "negative comp time." I would rather take a cut in pay!! (and that's saying a lot, see above.)

One of bobbie's blogger friends, Anj, has a blog called best/worst. So you just got my worst. Lemme see if I can come up with some "bests" before my chicken time clock runs out.

Well, I have less than two minutes:

Last night when Max came home, he woke me out of my Ben & Jerry's induced stupor. I had NOT taken my bedtime pills, and he reminded me to do so (which I did) and then I called him back and said, "can I come down for a hug?" I'm sure I looked like the bride of Frankenstein, hair falling out of my ponytail, pillow marks on my face, but he gave me a hug nonetheless.

It's fall here. I think our Indian Summer is over. Last night, coming out of work, was just like the foliage looked on the day I had my interview, five years ago. I remember thinking, I could like working here. And part of that thought was based only on the beautiful foliage.

Well, the chicken just rang, but I'll tell you one more. I'm reading a wonderful book called Alison's Automotive Repair Manual. (The US hardcover cover picture is more fun than the paperback.) (And it's the one I'm reading.) It's about a widow who decides that before she gets her life in order, she has to fix the sports car that is in her brother-in-law's garage. Each chapter starts off with a quote from the Haynes Automotive Repair Manual: Chevrolet Corvette, 1968 through 1982. I'm a little over halfway through. One of the characters I love (besides Alison) is her new beau, Max (well, I'm sort of attached to that name, but still): a guy who blows things up for a living. (He's a munitions guy.) The theme song for this book could be "Don't fall in love with a dreamer**," since that's what her late husband was, and she is faced with her brother-in-law who nails pomegranetes to the house for fertility, and Max's dad, who has the whole town convinced that when they drain the town's lake they're going to find a car that he escaped from as it sank to the bottom. The theme of truth telling and dreaming your dream, no matter how much it costs, run through this book. I'm a little more than half way through (blame it on not having a VCR or DVD player.)

Well, it is now officially (my cell phone doesn't lie--all the rest of the clocks in this garett do) 7:56. So I better get my rear in the shower and on with my day. I think when my first alarm sounded I had a fantasy of getting to work at 8:30 and taking an hour and a half for lunch. Dream on.

**********
Note: all linkages were done after the first edition went to press. I strongly recommend the Ben and Jerry's link as it has fun stuff--what do you expect from guys whose motto is "If it's not fun, why do it?"

Also, I think on my lunch I may just go to Targét and buy their cheapest VCR. Credit, it's the American way... DONE!!
________________
*Naomi, in the book of Ruth (who, by the end of the book was a grandma) (Have you met a grandma lately? They are pretty un-bitter people.)
**the lyrics to this song are pretty dire, but when I think of this song, I think of someone who keeps letting you down, not necessarily who leaves you. Maybe I'm thinking of a different song, like "Mama don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys"

You know you have too many books when...

Searching for ANY copy of Dicey's Song, the paperback or the hardcover, you come upon two paperback copies of The Runner, the paperback and hardcover of A Solitary Blue, and at least two copies of Breathing Lessons. (They're for gifts...she says, covering her red face...)

Anyways, there's a passage in Dicey's Song where Jeff (Dicey's eventually beau) offers Dicey and Sammy a ride home from Dicey's job at the grocery store. Sammy pouts, and Dicey says, "This boy is saving me a trip from carrying your hulking body on the back of my bike, you be nice now." (or something to that effect.)

Something like that happened to me today. I was offered something like gold (or its equivalent in my situation, an OPTION, something that might give me CHOICES and TIME) and when I shared this information with a dear one (not Max), the response was, well, lackluster. And I wanted to say, "This boy is saving me a trip from carrying my hulking body on the back of my bike, you be nice now." But I didn't.

Update on the car search: test-drove a Ford that had clunking noises in the drivers tire area and verah high mileage. Max and I will go looking at dealerships on Sunday.

Monday, NH Sally and I will comb a few months of bank statements to see where there's fat that we can turn into a car payment (so I don't have to eat PB&J for the next three to four years....). THEN I will go looking for a car loan. (No, I'm not buying a car Sunday, I just want to see what is out there.)

So things are looking up. And I wanted someone to celebrate. But that's the thing about people. You can't manufacture their responses for them.

Hmmph.

So let's throw a party, you and me. Because I have OPTIONS and a community. And after all, a car is just a hunk of metal.

All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all shall be well, no matter what. (Lady Julian of Norwich , "no matter what" added on by Madeleine L'Engle at her granddaugter's insistance.)

Dishwater hands...

I just washed the entire contents of my silverware (pardon, cutlery) drawer.

When will this vile month end???

I'm getting ready to send out "save the date" emails for my yearly fête marking my entrance into the world.

Perhaps I'll do that now. Or perhaps, I will become a laundress for a bit, and throw a load of dirty shirts...

I love laundry in the sense that it DOES itself. Except for the folding part...oh, and the coin-op part, and the basement part...

I don my laundress hat...

MTC,

SL

A stolen moment...

Read this bit from my cousin and tell me if it does not sound lovely. It's a rainy Tuesday in da Burgh, and when I leave the house in a little bit, I won't return until after 9pm. I love re-reading, even blogs. Take it away, Kiki!

Anyway, I relaxed on the porch, the breeze was blowing, I had a book in hand. (A Phillip Craig Martha's Vineyard mystery if you must know) and I leaned back. There were no car alarms going off. The screaming children were safely packed away in various hallowed walls of education. The people-who-try-to-drive-big-trucks-with-obnoxious-back-up-songs-
and/or-tones were not making their frequent, feeble and repetitive attempts to parallel park, it was good. Then softly, I heard the sounds of the strings of a chamber orchestra. It was quiet and soothing (and yes, recorded not live) and they were playing Braham's Lullaby.

All was right with the world, at least during those few moments on the porch.

Back to your regularly scheduled life...

Interesting...

My rental car doesn't trust me if I use the key to unlock the door. It does the whole beep beep I'm being robbed until I put the key in the ignition and turn it on. This has happened 2x so far.

Monday morning...

The cough is still here. Ugh.

Traveled around the world via blog, visiting Canada, Taiwan, Brazil, England, Pittsburgh, Turkey. Please visit daysgoby for her clip (well, 60 minutes) on the new food Doctors without Borders has developed for malnutritioned children.

I think I'll go for a wee walk before my day starts.

(Note to self: pictures, post some pictures!) I think I may have figured out how to link my Picasa pictures to a web format, so maybe I'll do that one of these days.

The car search has started. If you know me and know of a car (<$6K, used, good condition) and live in/near Pittsburgh, send a note. (Otherwise it's too complex.) This week is crazy for me.

The depression broke last night--I did some de-cluttering and found a few treasures. But morning is here and thinking about a car...well, I think I'd better go take that mini-walk. Today is a long day.

Musings on a Sunday evening...

So last week I made a big fuss about taking some days off and I did, but in the end, I didn't do anything "special" with the time not blogging except visit everyone else's blogs, send longer emails to friends...but now that I'm back, it's like Woo hoo, I'm back, and I think I've been posting every day. And twice, today!

I came home from John's ordination (woo hoo) to watch the last bit of the Playstation Pros.

A word about the ordination: it was wonderful and worshipful. John, we love you!! It was sheer poetry when we all sang "Did you hear the mountains tremble?" which is how we got our name as "Open Door." I love that song with such a love...

So, little known fact but the secret is now out, I love watching BMX bike tricks and skate park tricks. Daniel Dhers, of Venezuela, won the bike part. Here's a clip of "best of moments" from last year. (It's too soon for 2007 footage to be on YouTube...)



I love this stuff. I really do. I hope in heaven to spend a lot of time doing tricks like this in both the BMX and skate park divisions...Here on earth, I have to relearn how to ride a bike every time I get on one, as I didn't properly learn as a child. Oh well.

The thing about the ordination, I told NH Sally on the phone, was that the folks that were there were folks that are in our lives because John is. So Marlaena was there, and John's parents, and Alyssa's parents, and folks from the Presbytery...it was like old home day. I was in my element. And I have a lead on one car and a lead on a person to talk to and some sound advice on"It's just a car, who cares what color it is!"

I've been dealing with a slight cold and depression so I had to force myself to fix dinner* (which means I have to go shopping tomorrow, I've eaten all the ready made food in the house.) I guess I don't have breakfast...drat. And it was so good to hear NH Sally say, "but it's October" and give me a chance to give myself some grace. (Neither of us had done any homework for Tuesday's study. As soon as I post this, that's what I'm gonna start...)

Well, this WOULD be the best time to go shopping (the game is on) but Max will be back from work in the next half hour to hour and I need to do some Beth Moore homework, haven't done any this week yet. Tomorrow is packed with dr. appts and meetings. Oh, and calling the car rental folks to renew for another week.

Just me, chatting...I'm working on a post about church soon. For now, go read Biscotti's.


_________________
*Take the feta and cheese sandwich out of the box and put it in the microwave...

Surfin da net...

I found it!

(dancing the Snoopy dance as only a coughing depressed librarian in her nightgown can.)

Last night we watched Spaceballs. Very funny. (I'd seen it before, of course.) And I wanted to go to bed at 8:45. WQED is doing a fund drive so the Brit Comedies weren't on, so I was lulled to sleep by "Celtic Woman."



You gotta love the 'net. I went to Google, hoping for the Wikipedia page on Spaceballs (they are so much more detailed than imdb.com) and that led me to the page on "Michigan J. Frog." I'm ready to make some tea and go back to bed, but happy surfing.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness...

Darn that James! (James 1:1-3, ESV)

Sometimes I'm super clued in. Oh, I'm sleeping more, am I depressed? Oh, I'm sleeping less, am I bordering on hypo-mania?

Sometimes I am dumb as a doornail. Like today. It took reading Caro's post and comments to realize that generally I would laugh at these misfortunes, as we all do, knowing that they are funny once shared, that sharing them makes them funny.

So let's review: (oh, this is too depressing. I've edited it for humor.)

• 1 car, totalled. (Thank you, full coverage.)
• 1 car which must be found and procured (draw me a treasure map, someone PLEASE, x marks the spot...)
• 1 woman who thinks 42 is YOUNG but 36 is old (guess how old I'll be on my birthday?)
• 1 allergic-to-dust woman (You could totally write a novel on the tops of my bookcases, using your fingertips)
• 1 full sink. I need a dishwasher. And a maid. Or a wife. MOMMY!

(The list goes on. But honestly, it's too depressing.)

(And yes, I know I am über-lucky. But a gal has to vent...)

Hopefully something here has made you smile. I am so ready to just throw in the towel and go home early. But I need the hours. So I guess I'll go slap some security tags on some DVDs and try to review some series and oh, import two records...I think I'll go over and play that Wilco song Babs put up. (Did I mention: 1 home computer with sound issues?)

*******

So the update: the song on Babs' site didn't do the trick and THEN, I thought, well, Christmas with "Hey Ya" Charlie Brown will do the trick and I get "this video is no longer available."

Hitting my head against wall--ouch!

The security tags were already on, I don't understand the first note, but I did import two records!! 30 mins to go...

R.I.P. Melody Louise

It's time to start car shopping. 'Nuff said.

Happy Birthday...

to John Lithgow, and to Amy Carter, who is 40. I still remember clearly meeting her when she and her dad (and mom?) visited our church in Bonn, Germany when I was 7.

Oh, and I got mentioned in the chickens yesterday...

A library near me had an exciting visitor... (because my name is SL and you have no idea where I work.) (shhh, don't tell!)

Messy...

I'm reading this great book. I'm on page 43, but I already know I'll be buying a copy. (Mine is from the Scott Library.) It's called Messy Spirituality. And it is full of grace. And full of words like the ones I have in my profile. This book, like the Ragamuffin Gospel, which I first encountered my senior year of college, is the kind of book that talks about the life I lead. Messy. So I thought I'd give you a tour through the wording of my profile:

I'm a work in progress librarian. (I'm not Nancy Pearl, nor probably ever will be. I have two bosses, and the one that understands I'm a mess but great at helping patrons is the one I love more. I often feel like I'm a day late and a dollar short. I hate paperwork, and I dislike sitting at desks for long periods of time. I am forever looking for someone to interrupt me with a question like "Can you recommend a good book?" Or "Who wrote Goodnight Moon?" Or "I'm looking for German music."
I love books, Jesus, and apple strudel. (It's true. If you visited me anywhere, in my car, in my house, in my workplace, I have piles of library books, books bought from the library store, books, books, books. I also love Jesus. This is probably less apparent in my life. You would probably only know that I love apple strudel if you asked me or I told you--and now I have.)
I've traveled the world only to discover that I adore Pittsburgh, PA. (This town, of retired steel workers and crumbling buildings, this place where you can get lost even if you know how to get there, this place where the natives have their own foods, language, and allegiances.)
I attempt most days to work out my life with fear and trembling. (Oh, yes.)
I write about books, shoes, Carrie Bradshaw, and an occasional post about the Psalms. (I used to think, how could Imelda Marcos have so many shoes? Then I became one of those women too. I have learned more about healthy relationships from Sex and the City than I have from all the "relationship" books I've read. The Psalms are the most openly honest book of the Bible--and I am grateful to belong to a clan in which the most revered poetry includes "My God, why hast thou forsaken me?")
I also have a dark side, so watch out! ('Nuff said.)
Sarah Louise is a pseudonym, so the names may have been changed to protect the innocent... (My name is NOT Sarah Louise. Neither is my boyfriend's name Max. I don't know anyone named Sally. The only people whose real names are used are those who use those names on the blogosphere. I could be here all night explaining that one, but for simplicity: I am protecting my privacy and the privacy of my friends.)

And I have loved not writing a post every morning this week. I have not quit the blogosphere, as those of you who have seen my comments hither and yon may have seen. I will probably never be a top blogger. I never intended to be one. (Well, I do have my megalomaniac days...) I will probably never have 17 comments on one post. I will probably never win any prizes for all the books I've finished. But I have my little community--you, dear readers, and while I say to those that scoff blogs, "I blog so that I keep my writing muscles sharp," that is not true. I blog because I have something to say and I want someone to hear, someone to read, someone to say, "me too."