a Monday by any other name... (Happy Labor Day!)

I woke up on a morning of a day where the first "outside the house" thing is at 1 pm. I woke up at eight, with my bladder, and by nine, I was googling and searching Amazon for the title of a book I had formerly blogged on. (While I understand why the library won't keep track of the books you've checked out--I am a librarian, after all--I sometimes wish they did.) (The short version: if your library card kept track of what books you read, that information could be used to infringe on your privacy.) (Which is why I have LT, but my catalog still doesn't have all the books I've read or even own, and the thought of checking LT actually didn't occur to me until right before I wrote this sentence.) (What a lovely first paragraph...can you tell my brain is muddled this morning?)

Has this happened to you? Once I found the book in question which TOOK A LONG TIME, I then got entangled in the Amazon web of "People who bought this book also bought." And then I was doing key words. And before I knew it, I had added like 10 books to my wish list and started amassing my shopping cart.

Saved my the bell--my phone, which rings the theme to "Sex and the City," jolted me out of my funk if only for a moment. Who would be calling me on my cell at this time of day? It was Lila, who had asked me Friday if I could provide a meal for someone at church whose dad is in the hospital. She was calling to say I didn't need to, that Katrina had made extra of something.

And so I was on the phone with Lila, I looked at my bathroom clock, which said ten o'clock. Is it ten o'clock, I asked her.

So we chatted a little longer and ended with 'talk to you soon.' I pulled myself together enough to put waffles in the toaster, figuring a small breakfast at ten was a good idea, since lunch was slated for around 1ish.

So my tears, my funk, my need to troll Amazon for the book to cure my life, were partially due to a change in routine (I hate Monday holidays!) and a lack of Zoloft in my system. And yes, I'm sure dropping estrogen or some other hormone has a part in there too...

I've gotten off track with my life, with keeping up with my Beth Moore Bible study, my routine has been derailed. Summer ends today, and life as it has been this summer ends today. Life will be more focused on getting the apartment back in shape, getting my finances in shape, and plodding on until...

Until the next happily ever after? Whatever that means.

Life isn't perfect when you're thin. Or when you're single. Or when you're dating. Or when you're married. Or when you have kids.

I'm looking forward to being a grandmother. I figure by then I'll have figured out how to live this life. But I bet I'll still have mornings when I wake up and forget to take my Zoloft by 9 a.m.

So I wanted to share this with you. My Beth Moore workbook was sitting on the table and this is the last week of the study, and I haven't even done last week's homework, I'm behind on two videos. But the refrain I hear in my mind is Kelly's graceful words, "God isn't surprised."

This is what Beth has to say in the last homework before the last video (which I'll watch Wednesday.):

I am so proud of you, I can hardly stand it. You have worked so hard. Far more importantly, God is so proud of you. You are someone God wants to boast about. For just a moment, I don't want you to think about how far you have to go. (Tears blur the page, hang on a minute.) I just want you to think about how far you've come. Just rest for a few minutes. No transparency required. No vulnerability. No telling on yourself. No looking in. Just look up. For a moment, sit back and let me pray Psalm 32:7 over you: May God be your hiding place; may He protect you from trouble, may he incline your spiritual ears to listen carefully while he surrounds you with songs of deliverance. I come down to my knees in your honor and in God's. You, my fellow sojourner, are a display of His splendor. I am humbled beyond description for the privelege of walking this road with you. (from Breaking Free, Beth Moore, Lifeway Press.)

I wish this for you, dear reader. Whether it's dogs, or cats, or new babies, or old babies, or wondering if the car was totalled, wondering what the change of weather will do for your body or your moods, I wish that you take a look up. Do it with me. Introspection has its place, but in the end, we have Someone who loves us more than all the crap we carry with us, who loves us even when we don't have our shit together.

Happy Labor Day. May we all take a rest if only for a moment, from all our labors. Shalom.