eat chocolate

right now I'm eating chocolate ice cream. And wearing my mother's winter coat, which has been mine for a few years now. She's not here to hug me, but the coat is warm. Taylor Swift is singing "Ours" which is thankfully on the Target "exclusive content" version of "Speak Now."

Life makes love look hard
the stakes are high
the water's rough 
but this love is ours.

I got word from the secret midwestern school. There were maybe 25 words in the email, but the only one I saw was no. My heart is broken, a little bit, actually, a lot. I knew it was a long shot, but I thought it was a long shot that I was going to get into the basket, the three pointer from the penalty line. (Is that even basketball speak?)

I am at work, trying to just get through this cart of books. I've heard from my parents, but not from Sally or the boy. And I need to hear from them. But it can't be about my drama. It must NOT be about my drama. They will soothe me soon enough, just as I have soothed them, just as I will soothe them again.

One of my favorite writers, Mitali Perkins, calls depression "The Jailer." Yes. I'm in a physical mental jail right now. My arms feel like lead even as my fingers dance across the keys to type this sentence.

If this was a movie 
you'd here by now.

HA! Yes. But life is not a movie. So I will go back to checking catalog records and Dewey Decimal numbers and then I will drive home, numb.

**the title refers to what you do when the Dementors come. You eat chocolate.

Some decisions I'm making...

The winders are all open and the air coming through is delicious, like the 60s!!!

Last night, after I got home from church (after I became a charter member* of my church!) I turned on the computer, to Twitter some and catch up. Also the TV, because I am a Pittsburgher, even though I do not understand football (and no, am not interested in learning, thanks!) we were playing our biggest rivals last night, the Cleveland Browns. It was raining in Cleveland, but just winding here in da Burgh. The wind meant that my electricity flickered on and off 5x before I decided to turn off the TV, the computer, and turn off my power strips, and brushed my teeth.

I was spooked enough that I called my mom, though. And while we were talking, it flicked off and on again. She said, I'd wash my face now, if I were you. Yep, did that, plus I have my flashlight right here.

So if you missed me at Twitter last night, that's where I was.

So, decisions.

When I turned on my favorite TV show, the Today show, I thought maybe Channel 11 (the local news) would give me some clue as to what happened last night. Nope, they led with some local crime story and didn't even mention a THING about the weather or what had transpired. I guess they thought the blue box that let me know that all the local suburban schools were on 2 hr delays was enough.

So that was a first reason I wanted something else, news, please!, and found it on the website of Channel 4. And when the women were cat fighting over "can women do it all" (apparently we need to have this conversation ad naseum until we get blue in the face) I flipped the station to find anything, anything. So I settled in on GMA's Whistlestop thing-y. Now, you've got to know, for me to watch anything but PBS, NBC, or FOX, I'm dealing with lines on the TV. It's not the clearest picture, and I've just never really gotten into GMA, because I always thought Today was better. But here's what GMA is doing. They are doing a Whistle Stop tour! 50 states in 5o days! And who did they have on? (Well, Obama, but I was probably either sleeping or watching Today.) James Taylor! I never knew Rockabye Sweet Baby James** was written on the occasion of the birth of his nephew.

So it was refreshing. And they finish at 9, which I never thought was a plus, cuz I don't much care for Regis and Kelly but it is a plus, because look at the time, it's 9:15 and the TV is on mute! The only noise I hear is the click of the keyboard and the fan swishing. (I'd actually turn the fan off, but I don't think it takes a lot of juice and it is a pain to turn it back on b/c it gets stuck.) Yes, it will take like 5 minutes and I'll have to wiggle with it. Anyways. Blog-writing. You wouldn't be getting this little fan story if I was writing for Vanity Fair. I would have edited it out even before someone else looked at it. But I know as much as you do that the reason we read each other's blogs is that we want the personal touch.

Yes, Regis and Kelly are talking about something. So nice to just look at them but hear nothing.

Well, gotta go. Time to get ready to see the ENT.

*Charter member, from Wikipedia: A charter member of an organization is an original member; that is, one who became a member when the organization received its charter.
**Just learned why this is funny this weekend. I'm a little slow on the uptake.

changing slowly...

So, um, as you may have noticed, not much has changed 'round here. I'm thinking, but not ready to do the deed.

But in other news, I created 4 bags of recycled paper yesterday (and that's not counting all the paper that is on the way to the shredder.) I'm ready for a break, maybe I'll drive over to the paper recycling boxes at the Union Project, get a cookie or something, and drive over to Goodwill to drop off the four or so bags that are going there.

And pictures. I really owe yins some pictures. Well, I suppose I could give you a few now. (You'd like that, wouldn't you?)



Roses from Sally's back yard.



Tiger Lilies from...somewhere in Pittsburgh. I think the Union Project.



Did I ever do a "Yellowstone Park/Montana" post? I should...These are from Jenny Lake.



These are from Yellowstone Park. Yes, we got a bear shaped soap when we stayed in the Park.



Old Faithful.

More to come, I promise!

Brain won't shut off...

At the end of the exhausting day I trudged up to my car, calling Sally to see if we were on for Friday (I'm making her dinner that involves shrimp) and she invited me over for pizza and the current NetFlix, Howl something. You better believe I took her up on that one! After which, I chatted with her and her DH. Her DH just joined Facebook today. So I gave both of them pointers. They're now married on FB. Twas fun(ny). They are 5 and 6 years older than me and that's not much, but since they have three kids I often think of them as much older, not more like my contemporaries, my peers.

Then Sally and I chatted whilst she folded laundry. My eyes were getting scratchy, as I now take my allergy meds in the evening and they were wearing off. (Sally has a cat.) So I left, and as I did, Sally mentioned a mechanic that might be able to assess if my car is worth fixing up to inspection standards. Oh good. Take one step. And one more.

Then, because it takes a half hour to get home and it was almost 9:30, I called my folks on the cell before I gassed up at $3.96 (which is like $50/tank, yeesh!). I had a chance to mention Aunt Margaret's table to my mom, it needs to be fixed and it doesn't serve my purpose so Sally is giving me a table she's getting rid of Friday (that's where the shrimp and dinner fits in.) I said, I don't know how attached you are to the table, but I wanted to put out there that it's not fitting my purposes right now (and really hasn't for years, I didn't add.) It is a lovely table that would make someone very happy. Until we figure out what to do, it will live in the foyer, where there is room for it and it will look pretty.

Meantime, I'm also working on getting the pull out bed (sofa/couch/davenport/what-have-you) out of the apartment, which involves muscles from church, me paying in beer, and maybe someone from Freecycle taking it. But I'm not sanguine, as none of the sofas offered in the past coupla days have been taken, and a sofa-bed was offered three days ago, not taken.

Also, my landlord is listing the 2nd floor apartment! They only moved in in March...I didn't comment on that short amount of time when he asked me to list it on the neighborhood list-serv, as I might have a similar announcement someday in the near to far future.

On the way to work today, I thought, I am going through a transition. Even if in February 2009 I am still driving Lucy along Rte. 8 to work, this summer is big stuff, me admitting that I'm LOOKING (and not for a man). That I'm changing some things up in my apartment and considering painting and changing flooring. (Have I mentioned that the entire apartment is wall to wall carpet? Yes, the bathroom too.)

So it's no wonder that until just this moment, (yawn) my brain was moving mile a minute and trying to process all that is going on. (Yawn.) (Yawn.)

And totally unrelated, I just peeked in my spam to see if something had bounced and I have at least three emails dated year 38. (1938? or 2038? That's some kind of email time travel...)

Okay, enough blog puttering, off to bed.

As I fade out, Brooks and Dunn, "Put a girl in it" plays on the radio. Grin.