Thursday, May 31, 2012

"where's the shepherd for this lost lamb?"

 Someone to Watch over me, sung by Ella Fitzgerald, written by George & Ira Gershwin

All that courage I had yesterday? Dissolved like so much powdered laundry detergent in hot water. (Which reminds me, I have some laundry down in the basement, I imagine it is dry by now.)

Today was a plod day. One foot in front of the other, eat when it's eating time, go back to work at whatever it is, details, details, details. Walk through the valley, do not listen to the voices all saying you won't get anything done, you aren't getting anything done, why is it taking you so long to focus?

Only old Scratch could get away with saying I got very little of consequence done today. No, I do not have a product, except for more work tomorrow on the summer reading software. I had meetings and appointments and I dealt with people issues. No cataloging was performed, my cart overflows...

This is a crazy week for me. The amount of socializing I did over the weekend is more than I usually socialize in a month! Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of my brother-in-law... My "feelings" for the Catholic Church have become a heart desire and now it's not if but when do I just go to confession and rejoin? (Yes, I'm petrified...a little bit like when Anne Lamott said, but I can't be a Christian!!) Yet, as the Lord is my shepherd, I know that this lost lamb will be found found found when I can finally stand and take the Eucharist during Mass. OF COURSE there's more to it than that, but if you boil it down to its smallest parts...

The dresser story in yesterday's post is playing out again, with new players, and a larger dresser, which is what led to yesterday's post.

Three women: Shirley, Goodness, and Mercy. They're following me, I can't get them off my tail. 

Moving furniture in my apartment (third floor walk-up) requires dismantling my shelf of porcelain dolls, etc. on the landing of my stairwell. And I will live in the well-furnished house of the Lord forever.

I hope at the end of tomorrow, I can be as at peace as I was at the end of the day in this post, from 2006

These are the days of miracle and wonder, 
this is the long distance call 
the way the camera follows us in slo-mo
the way we look to us all
the way we look to a distant constellation 
that's dying in the corner of the sky
these are the days
don't cry baby
don't cry.

--Paul Simon, The Boy in the Bubble

One step. One step. One step.

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