Friday, February 24, 2012

in which Sarah Louise pulls up some baggage and looks at it

Well, I said I wasn't going to go into stuff about the boy, and I'm not, really, this is my own stuff, the boy happened to be a part of it in a small way in that he happens to be my boyfriend on one of the worst days I've had in a while.


Last night I had to face a ton of demons b/c of not getting into the SMS (secret midwestern school) and then b/c I didn't hear from the boy.

And this is what it came down to:

Either he was eaten by hyenas and no one knew to call me because I'm not sure he's told his family we're dating,


he was so emotionally stunted that he didn't know how to deal with my pain.

In actuality, he forgot his cell phone, and he probably didn't check his email every hour or when he got home last night.

This has nothing to do with him, it has to do with me. And talking with Sally didn't get any of this out because, while I love her dearly, she's pretty logical and that doesn't help when I'm spinning. Thankfully, Lilly was around, so we talked. And this is what came out: that when Max totaled his car, I was there for him. At 2 in the morning, he was sitting on my couch and I was there for him. When I totaled my car, about a month later, he was not there for me. And he couldn't make time to help me look at new cars. Granted, there was a lot of other stuff going on, but the main thing was: he didn't have the emotional resources. So I made excuses for him. So it wasn't exactly that he was a jerk (unlike many guys who I dated who really really were), it was that he wasn't qualified for the job.

There's a quote from Friends where Monica says, "I'm not high maintenance, am I?" And Chandler, says, slowly, carefully, "so if they say you're high maintenance, that's okay, because I like maintaining you."

Chandler: I’m sorry. You’re not easy-going, but you’re passionate, and that’s good. And when you get upset about the little things, I think that I’m pretty good about making you feel better about that. And that’s good too. So, they can say that you’re high maintenance, but it’s okay, because I like … maintaining you.
(The One With The Joke

I HATE how Google doesn't do "cache" searches anymore and I had to go through the whole episode script to get the quote.  Except that it is a good episode. I love that Friends Cafe still has the scripts up.

And now I'm tired and I have to start this day. Coffee. I need coffee. So this is not the best post ever, but it accomplished the catharsis necessary.


Helen said...

I'm really sorry about the school.... Must be God has another, better plan???

Sarah Louise said...

Or the timing is wrong? I don't know. I go away (for my 40th birthday trip) this weekend, and then when I come back, I'll start "hitting the pavement" again. I admit being so far West (8 hours away from the boy by car) doesn't sound as good as it did on Dec 15 when I filed my application. God has a plan, I know that much.

Thanks for stopping by!