Hope is a thing with feathers

 (Emily Dickinson)

So I participated in this thing on Twitter this evening that was sort of between a Zoom and well, Twitter. A woman I follow named Sarah said "Let's hang out at 7 and light a candle." SHE MIGHT DO THIS EVERY WEEK!!

I took copious notes. 

Hope has bloody knuckles from fighting, hope is scrappy, wait, what? Hope is a crow not a sparrow? Crows collect shiny things and hop down the street after voices they recognize...a crow might be menacing but not with God's breath brought into it. Hope and crows are gritty. 

A man with a ripping Scottish accent stayed up really late to be with us, and he said "hope is not wishful thinking, like I hope we have lasagna for dinner." No, hope is not vague, it is assured, we can rely on it. 

Grittiness of hope. 

Folks waited and waited for a Savior. 

1 Cor. 13 (Love chapter) Glimpses, part not whole, LATER: receive it in full. 

Apparently this quote is a meme: "I always come limping into Advent looking for the Light and then I realize the Light came looking for me."

Then there was a riff on community using a boat as a metaphor--we are not tied to a rock, we are a whole crew (and then the metaphor fell apart and I know that preached and tickled my funny bone at the same time, my favorite kind of preach.)

At the end Sarah read Psalm 27 (go read it, so powerful), and Hector prayed us out. 

Wait for the Lord:
Be strong and take heart
And wait for the Lord (Ps. 27:14, NIV)

Friends are friends forever...if the Lord is the Lord of them

(Michael W. Smith) 

But what of those friends who don't know God? Those prodigal friends who come in and out of your life, begging you to lash back when they lash out? She has dumped me again. 

It hurts, because she says words that aren't true, and I cry. Do I let her worm her way back in again? I guess I'll have to see. 

But for now, I have unfollowed her on Facebook (which seems so final) and stopped following her on Instagram. 

Is all this making room for other friends? I've started dating this week. We'll see if he passes muster when l finally meet him in person TODAY. We met on Match.com, and all week have been talking on the phone. 

It took me a while to fall asleep last night, I got up and demolished a bag of nacho chips. Jane (the Virgin, my favorite show) wasn't putting me to sleep so I put on my Girl from Ipanema station on Pandora. I fell asleep quickly after that. (The Benadryl probably helped.) 

Today is busy. I have a show for my side hustle, at 11. I have more cleaning to do, probably. And at 3, I meet my Frenchman. (Yes, he's really from France.) 

As a bipolar woman, I have to watch myself. Romantic relationships can trigger mania. 

Tomorrow I turn 50!! 

It's now my regular wake up time. I have been awake for an hour. It was some bad sleep math, I only got 6 hours of sleep. I thrive on 8 or 9.

But yesterday was a lot. Joy and pain, like sunshine and rain.