When your Burger place has a power outage...

 ...you sit in the parking lot panicking, because nothing else in the strip mall is open at 8:30 and you need dinner. You open Google maps and finally find a place called Burger 7. 

Do not go to Burger 7! OH MY GOODNESS!! I would have rather had gone to McDonalds. At least they have desserts. (I'm not talking about overpriced shakes.)

Everything was overcooked and I had a piece of gristle stuck between my teeth all the way home. At my burger place (BGR at Spout Run), they know my order, they have cheddar cheese, and they are happy to be at work. That's the difference between a small business and a chain. 

I'm reading a Christian Chick Lit book right now. The Christian part is that one of the heroes in the love triangle had a Bible with him because he was putting together a Bible study for his men's group. It's pretty cheesy fluff. 

But sometimes you need cheesy fluff. Like when you get a really nice rejection email. Yeah. I went for a manager position and didn't get it. Blech. 

So after my horrible burger I came home to my CVS, got a pint of chocolate Haagen Daaz, and watched some TV while texting my sister. 

I was up super late. Which meant I slept in. I woke up to a text from my mom, so I'm taking a vacation hour today to soothe my wild child niece who will be desperate when "Mommy" (my sister) leaves for her anniversary date. My sister has been married 10 years!!! 

Yesterday...

Yesterday I picked up a table from the curb. I carried it home. It's the spitting image of a pink table I had in Pittsburgh, except it's blonde. 

Yesterday I found a profile on Match that I liked. I couldn't think of anything interesting to say, so I asked him what he meant by "no pen pals." He didn't like me back. 

Yesterday I made a flamingo at work. It was creative and made the quiet morning hours go more quickly. I sewed it using pink and yellow felt, and gave it hot pink legs and a sticker eye. 

Yesterday I finally decided to add weeding to my list. This is when you go through old books and decide what needs to go. We have a computer program that tells us what books are "dead" (aka haven't circulated in 3 or more years) and it makes lists. I decide which books to keep. For instance, we are not weeding Gary Paulsen. You want to have all the books, because once you read one, you have to read the rest. But our audience is particular in Anacostia. Dork Diaries rule. 

        Note: We send our good books to Better World books. Our books that are in bad condition go in the         trash. No one needs a bad book. 

Yesterday I looked up Better World Books and purchased the Silver Palate Basics cookbook again. 

Yesterday I skipped my sales meeting again. I have decided to not work my business this quarter, to give myself some time to get used to living alone and taking care of my apartment. To spend more time writing and reading. I had quiche at Barnes and Noble and bought my coffee for the next month. I went to Target and finally got more groceries. I stuck to my very small list. I took my own bag. It's a Giant Eagle bag that has drawings of Pittsburgh on it. I bought about seven years ago, but it hasn't been used much. I'm determined to recycle, reduce, and reuse. 

Yesterday I talked with my health coach about abs work. Weeding made me use my abs when I took the box of weeded books from the ground to the cart. I need to strengthen my abs so that I don't injure myself every time I lift something heavy. Librarianship is much less physical than bookselling and I have let myself go, though not on purpose. 

Today? I need to buy stamps (they are going up by 4 cents!) and meet with my therapist. It's almost 8:30, I better get going. See you tomorrow! 

Thanksgiving in August

Department stores used to have Christmas in July sales. So here is a Thanksgiving in August post. Because I am very thankful.

The little things add up: I'm trying to just watch two hours of Jane (the Virgin) each day and by yesterday afternoon I'd already watched one and a half. How was I going to spend the other hours of the day? My mom texted to see if I wanted to come for dinner. This brought in so many extra thankfuls:

• I don't have groceries, so dinner was taken care of!
• My dad got to see me do my story time on FB Live and
• I got to hear in person how much my mom enjoyed it. 

Both nights that I had dinner with my folks, I ran into neighbors just at the moment that I was leaving, and that seemed orchestrated too. Sunday, I got to let my Swedish neighbors know that I had moved to Del Ray, and last night I got to see my neighbor P, who I used to walk with almost daily. Gosh I miss those walks. 

On the way home, I listened to Night Life with Brandi, my favorite DJ on the local Christian station, WGTS, and last night she had some folks call in with stories of when things seemed so hopeless but they turned around. 

The ones that I remember:

• A woman who was told she had one year to live back in 2009. 
• A woman whose college paid off her debt at the last hour. 

Right now I feel like there is no plan, I languish at work. But the small and big thankfuls and how they seemed (and probably were, thanks God!) orchestrated, I have to see that there is. Today I'm taking my tiny sewing kit to work so that I can work on sewing some felt animals, something I did two winters ago. 

Naming and not naming

My mother asked me at dinner if I was doing okay. I have no idea why I didn't name it and say, "I'm a little depressed." No, I just said, it's taking me a while to get into a routine. 

I used to talk to my mother a lot. Then I lived with her for almost five years. We talked while making breakfast, or when both of us woke up too early. When I lived alone, in Pittsburgh, I called her every day on the phone. Now that I live alone again, I don't call her every day.

After church yesterday, I could see the day yawning ahead of me. Eating somewhere, a nap, and a "Jane the Virgin" binge-fest.  

So I came up with a plan. A tomato plan. I would take my tomato from her garden and share it. 

Making dinner with her and eating with my folks last night was a good choice to quell my demons for a few hours. When she fawned over me sharing the tomato, I didn't tell her about how much food I'd thrown out because I hadn't been cooking and the food all went bad. 

Why didn't I name it? Maybe because she asked at dinner and my dad was there. Hearing and not hearing, as the moments go. I hate how he just tunes out because he can't keep track of the conversation. But I'd probably do it too. Hearing loss is worse than blindness. 

*****

I called her. I wished her a happy anniversary. She put me on speaker. I almost didn't tell her. But then I did. And she said she thought maybe I was. We talked for a while, and it was good. 

Writing helps. I had to edit out some sentences that weren't true, like giving myself some cognitive therapy. 

A little depressed. A lot going on.

 As I look around my apartment (yeah, I moved since I last wrote!) everything is unfinished, from dishes in the sink to a paused episode of Jane The Virgin, to laundry a week behind, piles of stuff...

I'm lonely. After living with my parents for 4.5 years, I come home to "me, myself and I" every night. My closest friend lives in Michigan, and my sister has a very clingy almost 2 year old. I think her 7 year old starts school on Monday. 

I'm waiting on news of an interview from one library system (what's taking so long?) and news will come next week about a job I interviewed for last week. A manager job that could start as soon as August 30. 

Smile. It was the best interview I've ever had. I slayed. I don't know if I'll get the job, but I have now had a management interview, and I slayed. So that's good. 

Not sure it's the best time to be online dating, but I'm lonely, so I took the bait. I think it was the stories that people told about my uncle at his memorial--I mean "celebration of life"--service. He had a sense of humor and the son thought he'd never see his mom laugh after the divorce but my uncle took care of her and she was alive. He made her laugh. I. WANT. THAT. Can you get that from Match.com? The jury is still out. The first guy was not like his picture at all, and I was not attracted at all, after almost 2 weeks of messaging (because I was on vacation one of those weeks.) (Otherwise I would have done a video meeting sooner.) 

Oh, and we're still in a pandemic. (And there's stuff going on in Afghanistan, and Black Lives still seem to not matter to most of the country, and there's a storm named Henri...and don't get me started on the Jeopardy fiasco...)

And I live in a neighborhood where everyone is concerned about their health and their children and their pets. I have a first floor apartment, so if I have the blinds open, I get to see everyone walk by, babies in strollers and wearable baby carriers, checking their fitness watches.   

And I have a tiny fruit fly problem. Did I mention laundry? I was going to go to Richmond today to see a museum exhibit (on mental health) that is going away on Friday but I don't see driving 2 hours there and 2 hours back for a 30 minute event, by myself. Especially when I have to go back to work tomorrow. Where I sit and do nothing, because we are still experiencing low indoor numbers (see "Oh, and we're still in a pandemic.") 

Naming things. That's what writing is. (We did an exercise at my latest church Session meeting where we gave each other words and the word given to me was "name." If I name things, it's a little less OVERWHELMING. I feel a little bit better having written this. I still don't want to do anything but lounge around in my super cute pajamas, but I did something. I named where I am. I tried. Maybe I could do the dishes?